Fri, 3 Apr 1998 13:06:20 EST
Cats not only have rules for running a house, they also have rules for golf.
Cats Revise Rules of Golf
Reprinted from The Kitty Cat News
Dateline: St. Andrews, Scotland
Although few people are aware of the fact, cats are avid golfers and have
been since the game's inception. After all, it is a game ideally suited to
cats because it requires a high degree of muscular coordination, patience, and
serves no useful purpose.
Traditionally, cats have been rather casual about establishing a formal
protocol governing rules of play, but, recently, in order to facilitate the
setting of handicaps, the Directors of the Cats Royal Academy for Golf (CRAG)
met at St. Andrews, Scotland, to correct this oversight.
Although discussion was spirited and often heated, the following set of rules
- Every drive is a practice drive until you get one you like.
- Since trees are cats' first line of defense against dogs, they must
be treated gently. Therefore, if your ball lands behind a tree, it may be
moved without penalty to avoid hitting the tree and damaging it on your next
- Birds, squirrels, and rabbits on the golf course may be considered
distractions and dubbed shots may be repeated without penalty.
- Sand traps may be used as litter pans since most golf courses don't
normally have rest-rooms for cats.
- If your ball should land in a sand trap, it may be removed without
penalty. After all, who wants to hit a ball out of a litter pan.
- It is always permissible to improve your lie because cats are great
believers in self-improvement.
- Any ball within the general vicinity of the green may be moved to the
green without bothering to chip since most chipping is just a waste of time and
seldom accomplishes its purpose.
- Regardless of the position of the ball after the first putt, the
second putt is a gimme.
- Your final score may be adjusted downward, provided it is done
If cats follow these "rules of play" strictly, they will find that they will be
playing by the same rules used by most amateur golfers.
Ken Runyon, Editor of The Kitty Cat News