Date: Sun, 7 Jun 1998
[Thanks to Ellen Lee]
- The cat is not allowed in the house.
- The cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
- The cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture.
- The cat can get on the old furniture only.
- The cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
- The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers or on the pillow.
- The cat can sleep under the covers and on the pillow by invitation only.
- The cat can sleep under the covers every night and on the pillow too.
- Humans must ask permission to sleep under the cover with the cat; only the cat can sleep on the pillow.
- The cat gives humans a haughty and dismissive look whenever they deign to use the cat's pillow.
Bob Hanson
SCV-Newhall Optimist Club
Date: August 19, 2003
Saw your list of stray cat rules, and figured you'd find the "real" version
funny. I'm not sure where this started, or who wrote out the list. One of our
girls skipped from 1 (never saw the cat before) to 24. Bad kitty :)
Amanda
STRICT, UNBENDING RULES FOR DEALING WITH STRAY CATS
- Stray cats will not be fed.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
- Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.
- Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
- Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
- Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
- Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.
- Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y".
- Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
- Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.
- Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
- Stray cats will sleep outside.
- Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
- Stray cats will sleep in the house.
- Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.
- Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot.
- Stray cats will not play on the desk.
- Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.
- Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier'puyykmm4hbdm9lo9jUSING IT.