The Official Internet Quayle Quote List

Last updated July 14, 1993

This compilation is copyrighted material. I encourage you to distribute it as widely as possible, but do not charge anything for it other than the actual distribution costs. Please do not alter the list or remove this copyright notice. Copyright (c) 1993 Michael Goldsman

I. Notes:

2. I'm sure the Quayle Museum would enjoy having a few dozen copies of this list, so fire up that copying machine. Perhaps you could make some $'s by loitering outside and selling copies to unsuspecting Republicans. But at least leave copies in strategic places inside the building!

3. There are sure to be typoes and bugoes throughout, and I would appreciate it if people would tell me about them.

4. If anyone has sources for any of the quotes without sources, please tell me.

5. Not all of these quotes, are "funny" per se, but each, in its own unique way, does define and help us to better understand the complex person we know as Mr. Former Vice President.

6. I've created a mailing list for distribution of this list whenever updates occur. If you wish to be added to this list, drop me a note. Of course, I'll still post it to alt.fan.dan-quayle et al.

II. Credits

and me:
Mike Goldsman
1854 N. Decatur Rd., NE
Atlanta, Georgia 30307

III. The Quayle Gospel

Dan Quayle's Pre- Vice Presidential Life

Sometimes he acts as if he has been disturbed,
But other times he is as cheerful as a bird...
-- Dan Quayle from a poem written to his dad as a youth on display in the Quayle Museum. (reported in the Cleveland Plain Dealer, 6/17/93) [Someone NEEDS to get me a copy of the complete poem!]

I was a less than serious student in college. If I had it to do over again, I would be far more serious. I did play a lot of golf. But I don't think that's any reflection on my ability to lead this nation.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Looking back, I should have pursued philosophy and economics and things of that sort in college more, but I didn't.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I didn't pay a lot of attention as I should have in college.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

[At the Quayle house, civil rights and the environment] weren't things that we discussed a lot at the dinner table.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (reported in High Times, 11/92)

People of my generation had that little bit of rebellion and independence with your parents. But in my case... there wasn't any social rebellion where I said, "Parents, you really don't know what it's all about."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (reported in High Times, 11/92)

She was attracted to me by my intellectual curiosity.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about Marilyn (reported in High Times, 11/92)

I've never professed to be anything but an average student.
-- Senator Dan Quayle during the VP debate in Omaha, Nebraska (10/88)

It was just a job. It wasn't any special interest in consumer affairs. I needed a paycheck and the Attorney General said that I would be best to go down there, because he knew I was anti-consumer.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle and talking about his job as Chief investigator, consumer protection division of the Indiana Attorney General's office from 1970-1971

Life has been very good to me. I never had to worry about where I was going to go. But I do say, "Dan, you know, sometime in life there's going to be a tragedy." There was never anything where "I've got to work really hard to get there ..."
-- Senator Dan Quayle engaging in self-reflection while on the campaign trail. (reported in the Washington Post, 10/10/88)

I'll have to check with my dad.
-- Dan Quayle responding when an Indiana GOP county chairman asked him to run for Congress in 1976. (reported by the Washington Post, 10/2/88)

I feel that this [1981] is my first year, that next year is an election year, that the third year is the mid point and that the fourth year is the last chance I'll have to make a record since the last two years, I'll be a candidate again. Everything I do in those last two years will be posturing for the election. But right now I don't have to do that.
-- Senator Dan Quayle

I know one committee I don't want -- Judiciary. They are going to be dealing with all those issues like abortion, bussing, voting rights, prayers. I'm not interested in those issues and I want to stay as far away from them as I can.
-- Senator Dan Quayle (from "What a Waste it Is to Lose One's Mind" - the Unauthorized Autobiography)

Dan Quayle on "Getting Into the Nat'l Guard"

There was no influence used. I didn't have to use any influence because before I applied, there were openings, when I applied, there were openings, and after I applied, there were openings. Those are the facts. And if you're interested in the facts, there they are.
-- Senator Dan Quayle defending the way he got into the National Guard. (from "The Unofficial Dan Quayle Video")

I did not know in 1969 that I would be in this room today, I'll confess.
-- Senator Dan Quayle responding to questions in 1988 about allegations that he used family connections to get into the Indiana National Guard. (reported in the Washington Post, 8/26/88)

When you get into conflict, and regional conflicts, I mean, you have to have certain goals, and a goal cannot be really a no-win situation.
-- Senator Dan Quayle attempting to explain his military service during the Vietnam war. (reported in the Washington Post, 9/6/88)

Obviously, if you join the National Guard, you have less of a chance of going to Vietnam. I mean it goes without saying.
-- Senator Dan Quayle discussing his draft record on NBC's "Meet the Press," 9/20/92. (reported in the Houston Chronicle 9/21/92)

I got into the Guard fairly. There were no rules broken, to my knowledge... I, like many, many other Americans, had particular problems about the way the war was being fought. But yes, I supported my president and I supported the goal of fighting communism in Vietnam.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (reported in High Times, 11/92)

Dan Quayle on "The Environment"

I have a very strong record on the Environment in the United States Senate.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Our future competitiveness demands that true environmentalists and responsible leaders not allow the well-intentioned concerns of the American public to be manipulated and exploited as a means to re-establish unnecessary regulatory, economic and social controls.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I take my children hiking and fishing, walking in the woods.
-- Senator Dan Quayle offering proof of his commitment to the environment during the VP debate, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The National Academy of Sciences says that this level [40 MPG] is not even technically achievable.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle arguing against suggestions to raise fuel efficiency standards for American automobiles. But Richard A. Meserve, who served as the chairman of the academy's study on fuel efficiency, said that Mr. Quayle had misunderstood a report by the academy that had discussed whether cars that efficient would be attractive to American buyers. (New York Times, 8/29/92)

The [Democrats] talked about putting people first. Well, they put people first unless you happen to be a spotted owl or a giant garter snake or some other endangered species and then that seems to have priority. Obviously, you take the bald eagle and things of that sort, of course you're going to make sure that they are saved and that they can live and you're going to take every precaution that you can. But others---we just need a little flexibility.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his lambasting of Democrats on the Spotted Owl/ Endangered Species issue. (In an interview on Prime Time Live, August 10, 1992. Reported in the NY Times, August 12, 1992)

Our values are creating jobs in America.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle answering Chris Wallace's question: "[The Council on Competitiveness] has made it easier for businesses to exceed pollution levels, it has delayed regulations on aircraft noise, it has weakened regulations to make apartment buildings more accessible to wheelchairs. Are those your values?" (ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)

How about if we say when it's wet, it's wet?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked to define "wetlands." (from "What a Waste it Is to Lose One's Mind" - the Unauthorized Autobiography)

Dan Quayle on "Literature and History"

You always learn something by reading the classics. Particularly The Prince. I go through and look at this from this intellectual point of view. Machiavelli had these three classes of mind. The first class was the person that was creative enough to be leader and be able to lead a great nation without much help. The second class of mind was one that wasn't creative but could take ideas, put people around him, and be able to lead nations forward. And the third class of people didn't really know much of anything. And they were the worst kind of leaders, because not only were they not creative, but they didn't know what was right or wrong, and they just sort of went by whatever they felt like. I've tried to figure out where I am. I know I'm not the first because I don't think I have the creativeness that Machiavelli talks about. If I go back and reread it I might figure it out exactly where I put myself. I'm somewhere between two and one.
-- Senator Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book "The Prince," 9/28/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

And it was a very good book of Rasputin's involvement in that, which shows how people that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
-- Senator Dan Quayle gives his opinion of the book "Nicholas, and Alexandra," to Hendrick Hertzberg of the New Republic, 9/28/88 (reported in Savvy Woman, 1/89, p. 56)

It's the best book I've certainly read. And he goes through it; he starts around the turn of the century up through Vietnam. And it's a very good historical book about history.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on Paul Johnson's "Modern Times" (Playboy, 1/93)

[The book, "The Satanic Verses"] is obviously not only offensive but, I would think most of us would say, in bad taste.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle commenting on the book which caused Salman Rushdie to be placed under a death sentence. The Vice-President had not read the book, 3/16/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Dan Quayle During Election 88

I'm not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people. The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.
-- Senator Dan Quayle

I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
-- Senator Dan Quayle

I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that have had a difficult time.
-- Senator Dan Quayle addressing workers at an Ohio steel plant, 1988

As the shoppers of Hy-Vee go, so goes the state of Iowa.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to be noteworthy at a grocery store in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, October 1988. (reported in High Times, 11/92)

Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of situations. And I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does that answer your question?
-- Senator Dan Quayle, when asked what he would do if he assumed the Presidency, 10/10/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I had not had that question before.
-- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why, during the Bentsen debate, he couldn't say what he would do if he suddenly became president, 10/6/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Want to hear a sad story about the Dukakis campaign? The governor of Massachusetts, he lost his top naval advisor last week. His rubber ducky drowned in the bathtub.
-- Senator Dan Quayle addresses the issues during the 1988 campaign, 9/13/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

That is not a yes or no question.
-- Senator Dan Quayle during a somewhat heated exchange with reporters in 1988. Quayle indicated he would only accept "yes or no" questions for the rest of the session. Here, he refuses to answer a question of whether he's offered to take his name off of the ticket, 8/19/88 (reported in the Washington Post, 8/20/88, p. A6)

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 1988

I'm going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective we've had in a couple of hundred years.
-- Senator Dan Quayle Hey, Roger, does... on, on this, you know, if I'm gonna, if I, if I decide on my gesture over there... is that all right?... You don't mind?
-- Senator Dan Quayle asking Roger Ailes's advice on a debating gesture, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I hope there's some respect and dignity for things I did not do.
-- Senator Dan Quayle defending himself against allegations of involvement with Paula Parkinson, 8/23/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Let me say it one more time. It is ill-rel-e-vant.
-- Senator Dan Quayle testily responding to repeated questions about his parents' involvement in the John Birch Society. (reported in the Washington Post, 10/10/88)

Because. Because I say it isn't.
-- Senator Dan Quayle explaining why questions about his parents' ties to the John Birch Society aren't relevant, 10/9/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Dan Quayle's Fun and Games

It's not to keep him from running off our property. It's to protect my putting green.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle telling a guest at his house why his dog, Breezy, wears a special collar that emits a painful jolt of electricity should the dog try to run away. (reported in the NY Daily News, 6/30/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 92)

Great American sport. Horseshoes is a very great game. I love it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/5/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I've played there (the Burning Tree Country Club) before and I'll play there again. I'm not going to protest Burning Tree. Maybe they'll change. I think it would be a good idea for them to take women into the club. I don't have any problem playing there in the meantime.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (from "What a Waste it Is to Lose One's Mind" - the Unauthorized Autobiography)

I felt like I was in charge.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after working the locks of the Panama Canal locks during his visit to Panama City in January 1990. (reported in High Times, 11/92)

I could take this home, Marilyn. This is something teenage boys might find of interest.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, when purchasing a South American Indian Doll that, when lifted, displays an erection, 3/11/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

That's solid. There, you see how much I learned.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle when when visiting a welding class at a vocational school in Union, Missouri. He welded two scraps of metal together to demonstrate how much he had learned while in the National Guard. (reported in the NY Times, 10/25/88)

There. I paid for my ice tea and I even left you a penny.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle at Bob's Big Boy in Claymont, DE. The waitress who served Dan Quayle said he had given the cashier $1.00 for a 99 cent iced tea, said this, and then laughed. On a stop to a Delaware restaurant, in Feb. 1992, Quayle bought a coffee at Dempsey's Diner and left no tip whatsoever. On that occasion, he had just come from a $500 a plate fundraiser at the Hotel Du Pont. This time, after leaving his 1 cent tip, he went to a $250 a plate fundraiser at the Rodney Square Club in downtown Wilmington. (Wilmington News-Journal, 10/24/92)

I'm not so sure that I will miss Johnny Carson, but Johnny Carson will miss me.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (reported in the Houston Chronicle, 5/22/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

Dan Quayle's Problems with Spelling

May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
-- The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card. [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

Sam, had a great time this weekend but the golf was lousey [sic].
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in a handwritten note written to Sam Snead in the summer of 1991, after they had played a lousy round of golf. (Herald-Times, Bloomington, IN, July 15, 1992)

Add one little bit on the end... Think of 'potatoe,' how's it spelled? You're right phonetically, but what else...? There ya go... all right!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a student's correct spelling of the word "potato" during a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton.

I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card. But as Mark Twain once said, "You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, actually quoting from President Andrew Jackson.

I should have remembered that was Andrew Jackson who said that, since he got his nickname "Stonewall" by vetoing bills passed by Congress.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, confusing Andrew Jackson with Confederate General Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson, who actually got his nickname at the first Battle of Bull Run.

Office of the Vice President... The Council on Competativeness.
-- the letterhead on stationary, complete with misspelling, found in Dan Quayle's old White House office by Clinton adminstration staffers. (Newsweek, 2/8/93)

Just think what people would say if I said something like that.
-- Private Citizen Dan Quayle after being introduced as "Don Quayle" at the first tee a practice round of the AT&T Golf Tournament at Pebble Beach, 2/1/93.

Dan Quayle's Time Travel Machine

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I am the future.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/18/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

The future will be a better tomorrow.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Votes are like trees, if you are trying to build a forest. If you have more trees than you have forests, then at that point the pollsters will probably say you will win.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, during the '88 campaign (reported in Newsweek in 1988)

We'll let the sunshine come in and shine on us, because today we're happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
-- Senator Dan Quayle to students at a high school in Miami with the highest dropout rate of the city, 10/26/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get- The Future!
-- Senator Dan Quayle in eastern Illinois (LA Times 10/19/88)

Dan Quayle on Public Speaking

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/30/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92 and the LA Times, 10/30/88)

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You can't do that. It's gone, gone forever.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/4/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away from the text, it's always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and there.
-- Senator Dan Quayle defending himself (LA Herald Examiner 10/3/88)

Public speaking is very easy.
-- Senator Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88 The mike works. That's very important to make sure the mike works, and ours is working well.
-- Senator Dan Quayle informing reporters of a successful sound check before the VP debate, 10/5/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren't. I don't know if its the way you say it, or how you look.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

You smile discreetly, you look like you're enjoying yourself, like you're ready to get down to serious business. You've got to be careful what you say.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, on how to act in front of the press.

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, in a speech to the American Society of Newspaper Editors, April 1991

Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports that his aides have had to, in effect, "potty train" him

Dan Quayle --> Not Quite There

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to the Christian Coalition about the need for abstinence to avoid AIDS, 11/15/91 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Okay, I won't open it until then.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after having been presented with an empty box that was to contain a gift from a sailing team in South America. He was told that the gift was not ready yet, but that it would be presented to him when they arrived in the United States.

I happen to be a Republican president- ah, the vice president.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (Newsweek 4/9/90)

Maybe you guys will get lucky this year and face the Orioles in the World Series.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle encouraging the Milwaukee Brewers after throwing out the opening pitch of the season. Both teams are in the American League. (5/3/92 Sunday Detroit News)

Are they taking DDT?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle asking doctors at a Manhattan AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice, 4/30/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92, and NY Post early May 92)

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I just don't believe in the basic concept that someone should make their whole career in public service.
-- Vice President (former senator, former congressman, etc..) Dan Quayle

This isn't a man who is leaving with his head between his legs
-- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing John Sununu's resignation and apparent lack of flexibility, 12/6/91

Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, regarding David Duke's candidacy, 10/12/90, (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We lead in exporting jobs.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle committing a Freudian slip while speaking to the Chamber of Commerce of Evansville, Indiana, a city which lost 4 large companies in the last four years. He quickly changed the word "jobs" to "products." (NY Newsday 7/26/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Winter, 1992)

My grandfather... saw where inherited wealth ruined people. And my grandfather was right.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle giving an analysis of his own situation: he has a half-million dollars worth of his family's newspaper stock holdings. (ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)

You can't just walk into a store and buy a gun. There's all sorts of registration, there are all sorts of state laws.
-- Senator Dan Quayle after criticizing Michael Dukakis for the Massachusetts furlough program. Quayle was soon informed that indeed in many states a person could just walk into a store and buy a gun. (reported in the NY Times, 8/27/88)

If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a job training center in Atlanta celebrating the 10'th anniversary of the Job Training Partnership Act, which Quayle helped to sponsor while a senator, 10/13/92. (reported in the NY Times, 10/14/92).

I'm glad you asked me that. This gives me the perfect opportunity to talk about the problems with this Congress...
-- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to reporter's questions about his use of Air force 2 to go on golf trips at the cost of $26,000/hour.

We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, (USA Today 4/22/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

I've been told to keep my remarks relatively brief. I understand Quayle-hunting season begins at noon.
-- Senator Dan Quayle to a crowd in Eau Claire, Wisc. (LA Times 10/16/88)

Who Dan is, and Who his friends are.

The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. (He paused, then said) Would you like a puppy?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (LA Times 5/21/89)

Intrapersonal.
-- Senator Dan Quayle describing his relationship with Bush on the campaign trail in Irvine, California. (reported in the NY Times, 8/28/88)

I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very close, personal, loyal relationship. I'm not, as they say, a potted plant in these meetings.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle defending himself (Tampa Tribune-Times 1/7/90)

Although in public I refer to him as Mr. Vice President, in private I call him George... When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice President, because that's who he is.
-- Senator Dan Quayle shortly after being named George Bush's running mate, 8/27/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The NY Times, 8/28/88)

They asked me to go in front of the Reagans. I'm not used to going in front of President Reagan, so we went out behind the Bushes.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after the swearing in ceremony on Inauguration Day, 1/20/89. No, he's not discussing his sanitary habits. (reported in the NY Daily News, 1/21/89)

I'm the Vice-President. They know it, and they know that I know it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about his political enemies, 3/13/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

You know, before I left, President Bush and I were talking and he said to me, "I knew Spiro Agnew. I worked with Spiro Agnew. And believe me, you are no Spiro Agnew."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to those who had compared his attacks on the "cultural elite" to Agnew's denunciations of "effete intellectuals." (The Los Angeles Daily News, 6/28/92 - taken from the Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

Politics and Policymaking

One learns every day. Experience is a great teacher. By experience you learn. But as I enter office, I'm prepared now. Obviously, I will be more prepared as time goes on. I will know more about the office of the presidency. But I'm prepared now and I will be more prepared as time goes on.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (reported in the NY Times, 1/14/89)

I am now cashing in on being vice president for others. They'll remember me. I'll remember them.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

America is great, because America is free.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

One thing we're able to do is raise money.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on the Republican Party

This is not a bipartisan issue.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle noting that Democrats and political independents join Republicans in endorsing term limits, while speaking before supporters of term-limitation proposals in 15 states, 8/20/92 (reported in the NY Times, 8/21/92)

What you guys want, I'm for.
-- Senator Dan Quayle to farmers on a local pork issue (8/25/88) (from the Book "The Clothes have No Emperor")

I am not part of the problem; I am a Republican.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

[I support efforts] to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/26/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The message of David Duke, is this, basically: Big government, anti-big government, get out of my pocketbook, cut my taxes, put welfare people back to work. That's a very popular message. The problem is the messenger.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

We are doing the right thing and we do not see the bad things.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle pretending he is one of the wise monkeys.

We shouldn't have to be burdened with all the technicalities that come up from time to time with shrewd, smart lawyers interpreting what the laws or what the Constitution may or may not say.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle, addressing a police academy in Knoxville, Tennessee in August 1992 (from the AP wire)

I, I can't tell you exactly what we do on that pain and suffering in the ---- [He then looked off-stage to Kevin Moley, the deputy secretary of the Department of health, for advice] Kevin, what do we do on the pain and suffering on our malpractice proposal? [He listened briefly to Moley's explanation] So, it doesn't address it specifically. The state -- the states could in fact -- what we basically do is -- try to do -- is get the states to come up with medical malpractice legislation. We have, I think it's five criteria in our suggested recommendations. But once they meet the five criteria, then they get a favorable distribution from us if they meet -- basically forcing the states to adopt this medical malpractice legislation, and that's the way that you do it.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle in Phoenix, Arizona, answering a question on Bush's malpractice reform bill. One of the five malpractice measures would actually require states to place a cap of $250,000 on damages for pain and suffering to avoid a cutoff of federal financing. (reported in the NY Times, 10/7/92)

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children. It's a unique profession and, by golly, I hope when they go into the teaching field that they do have that zeal and they do have that mission and they do believe in teaching our kids and they're not getting into this just as a job or a way to put food on the table.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92, and "What a Waste it Is to Lose One's Mind")

Dan Quayle During Election 92

It would be a serious mistake to replace a seasoned statesman with a temperamental tycoon who has no respect for the constitution.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle giving his opinion about Ross Perot's presidential campaign (June 1992)

This president is going to lead us out of this recovery. It will happen.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle at a campaign stop at CA State University, Fresno, 1/17/92 (The Quayle Quarterly, Spring/Summer 1992)

We have to do more than just elect a new president if we truly want to change this country.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Absolutely. I certainly hope I am.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on whether he is still on the Republican ticket. (Newsweek, August 10, 1992.)

We have had a number of discussions and, believe me, if I thought I was hurting the ticket, I'd be gone.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live when asked if he'd offered to remove himself from the ticket, (CNN, July 22, 1992)

[I will describe] where I come from and what kind of a house I lived in when I was a kid, how many public schools that I went to - five elementary, two high schools - product of a public school system, two jobs in college, went to night school, worked my way through law school.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle telling an interviewer how he will use his acceptance speech at the Republican Convention to reintroduce himself to the public, and to provide details of his hard-working background. (reported in the NY Times 8/15/92)

When you start talking about sleaze, I think some in the media ought to look in the mirror. Now what's the motivation of this? I can't think of any other motivating factor other than you want to hurt the President and help Bill Clinton. There's good journalism and there's bad journalism. And I want to say something to you good journalists. You are being overwhelmed by the bad journalism and the bad journalists of America. Good journalism is taking a rumor, taking gossip and going out and investigating it and finding out if it's true, and if there's any credibility at all. And when you find something like this that was investigated and was totally false, you don't print it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle at a news conference in Huntington Beach, CA, defending George Bush against charges of marital infidelity. (reported in the NY Times 8/13/92)

For more than a month the media have been telling us that Bill Clinton and Al Gore are "moderates." Well, if they're moderates, I'm a world champion speller.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in his acceptance speech during the 1992 Republican National Convention, 8/20/92.

We will never give Bill Clinton the opportunity to be the President of the United States.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (9/19/92)

If Ross Perot runs, that's good for us. If he doesn't run, it's good for us. [A reporter then asked him what he meant by that] That's for you to figure out.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle answering a reporter's question on what the effect might be if Perot re-entered the race. He was campaigning in Rockford, Ill., 9/29/92. The Vice-President later clarified the remark saying that Perot will raise issues about the economy, and this is one of the President's strengths. (reported in the NY Times, 9/30/92)

He grew up in Washington, D.C., and he's the son of a wealthy U.S. Senator... He went to the most expensive private schools in Washington, D.C., and I'm the product of the public schools... I'm at a big disadvantage, but we'll do all right.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle while in Detroit, 9/30/92 A spokesman later said that he was joking. (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer 10/1/92)

Our trick, Rush - not a trick, our challenge - our challenge is to make the American people comfortable with the leadership George Bush will offer in the next four years.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, on the Rush Limbaugh show. (Reported in the NY Times, 7/8/92 - from the Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

If you elect Bill Clinton and Al Gore, that would be a disaster for agriculture. What Bill Clinton says he'll do, well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do is to give a lot of balance to the interest here in California. What we would have is an environmental summit, and guess who's going to be the head of that enironmental summit? It's not going to be the Governor of Arkansas. He's going to put Senator Al Gore in charge of the environmental summit and his book will be the agenda for that environmental summit. I hope everyone reads that book. We wanted to take that book to our debate, but for some reason Al Gore didn't want us to have the book in the debate because we wanted to make sure everyone knew what was in that book. Because that's the agenda for Bill Clinton. That's the agenda of the Clinton-Gore administration. Here's what he says about farmers. Here's what he says about agriculture in that book. He says that farmers strip-mine the land. He says that agriculture is in fact bulldozing the Garden of Eden. Well I tell you what, if you elect Bill Clinton and Al Gore you can say goodbye to water, goodbye to food, and goodbye to your jobs. But come November the 3'rd, the American people are going to say good-bye to Bill Clinton and Al Gore.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in a speech to farmers outside Fresno, California on 10/7/92. (reported in the NY Times 10/8/92)

Bill Clinton's tax-and-spend policies will create a recession in America.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in New Jersey, 10/19/92. He did not go on to distinguish between the predicted Clinton recession and the current Bush recession. (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer, 10/20/92)

Remember the last time we had a Democratic president and a Democratic Congress? Remember the 21 percent interest rates? Remember the inflation of 13 percent? Remember the grain embargo? Remember the Soviet Union invasion of Afghanistan?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in New Jersey to a crowd of teenagers, 10/19/92. The answer to each questions was probably "no." During the Carter administration, these teenagers were probably more interested in diapers and baby formula than in economics and foreign policy. (reported in the Philadelphia Inquirer, 10/20/92)

We have been pushing the idea George Bush is going to make matters much, much worse by holding the line on taxes, a balanced budget amendment...
-- Vice President Dan Quayle while on "CBS This Morning," 10/27/92. (reported by the Chicago Tribune and by the Star-Ledger on 10/28/92)

The President scores much better than Bill Clinton.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, comparing Bush's record of marital infidelity to Clinton's during a televised interview with David Frost, 10/92.

[Republican supporter: You did great, Dan, great. There's just one thing. This abortion thing. You've got to realize that the Democratic position --]
Is extreme? (nodding in anticipation)
[No, is supported by 72 percent of the people in this country. You've got to drop it, Dan.]
-- Vice President Dan Quayle while standing on the stage after the VP debate taking the congratulations of well-wishing Republicans, 10/13/92. Quayle then nodded politely and moved on. (reported in the NY Times 10/14/92)

He is going to be the president of the United States for the next 4 years. He deserves our congratulations. He ran a good campaign. He ran a tough campaign. If he runs the country as well as he ran his campaign, we'll be all right.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in his concession speech on 11/3/92 in Huntington, Indiana.

Let us get through this week. Let us get through the debate or debates. Let us see George Bush re-elected this November. And then we'll talk about 1994.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked by Bernard Shaw if Bush/Quayle victory in 1992 would make him the heir apparent in 1996, 8/17/92, on CNN. (A NY Times article started: "No Comment Yet On Strategy for '94. But will it be a good year for potatoes?" It then went on to speculate that Kemp, Baker, Bennett and Buchanan won't be running in '94)

Dan Quayle on "Family Values and the Cultural Elite"

I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family. And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
-- Senator Dan Quayle on the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, 11/6/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

It doesn't help matters when prime time TV has Murphy Brown -- a character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid, professional woman -- mocking the importance of fathers, by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another "lifestyle choice." I know it is not fashionable to talk about moral values, but we need to do it. Even though our cultural leaders in Hollywood, network TV, the national newspapers routinely jeer at them, I think that most of us in this room know that some things are good, and other things are wrong. Now it's time to make the discussion public.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the Commonwealth Club of San Francisco and criticizing Murphy Brown's decision to NOT have an abortion and to be a single (highly successful) mother, 5/19/92. When told about Quayle's comments, a senior Bush campaign official replied only "Oh, dear." Bush's top aide said, "The world is a lot more complex than Dan would like to believe"

And for those concerned about children growing up in poverty, we should know this: marriage is probably the best anti-poverty program of all.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the Commonwealth Club of San Francisco, 5/19/92

I think especially in her position, a highly successful professional woman, it would be a real exception to have an unwed child.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to The Chron's Jerry Roberts.

I don't watch it, but I know enough to comment on it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle defending his opinions about the TV show "Murphy Brown" [Las Vegas RJ 21 May 92]

The intergenerational poverty that troubles us so much today is predominantly a poverty of values.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92, (reported on KRXX News)

People who bowl vote. Bowlers are not the cultural elite.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle while at a Las Vegas bowling alley. The Vice President bowled 5 times, and knocked down 19 pins. (6/25/92, San Jose Mercury News) The American Bowling Congress projected his score for a full game to be 76. The Detroit average for amateur players is 163 (USA Today, 7/6/92)

I wear their scorn as a badge of honor.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing how he copes with criticism from the media elite, 6/9/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I'm not sure I'm up for a "Murphy Brown" appearance yet. I'm not sure that they want a guest appearance by me either... Well, I'd consider it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on Larry King Live. He also said that he'd make a guest appearance as long as his point of view wasn't censored. (CNN, July 22, 1992)

It's sort of like define pornography. You know it when you see one. You know a cultural elitist when you see one.
[Jim Lehrer: Who are they?]
They know who they are.
[Jim Lehrer: Yes, but WHO ARE they?]
You know and I know.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle describing who he is talking about when he refers to the cultural elite, 6/19/92 The McNeil/Lehrer Report. (taken from the Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

It shows "us vs. them," and I'm on the "us" side.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining the strategy behind his twitting of "cultural elites." (The Indianapolis Star, 6/14/92 - taken from the Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

I just have one thing to say: Murphy, you owe me!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after Candice Bergan won an Emmy for her role as Murphy Brown

[KTLA a.m. co-anchor Barbara Beck, "So, what's your favorite TV program?"] Murphy Brown on KTLA/Channel 5--not!
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle in a television commercial for KTLA's Murphy Brown reruns. (reported in the San Jose Mercury News, 9/10/92)

Hollywood is the stronghold of the adversary culture. It is on the other side of the cultural divide from Huntington, and they don't like it when someone from Huntington, with Midwestern values, challenges their so-called moral authority.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle, while campaigning in Kansas City, MO, 9/2 (reported by the NY times, 9/3/92)

It was a good campaign contribution to Bill Clinton, but he gets a lot of contributions from Hollywood. We're making great progress with Hollywood. I am convinced because of my speech of several months ago on the poverty of values in this country that Hollywood will begin to reflect our values better.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, when asked about the season opener of the television sitcom, "Murphy Brown," while at the Texas Medical Center in Houston. (Reported by UPI, 9/92)

Dan Quayle on Economics

I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning to turn around.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to convince reporters that the economy was doing better because a Burger King had a "now hiring" sign in the window. He was campaigning for reelection in Ontario, CA, 1/17/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

You have a part-time job, and that's better than no job at all.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after the manager of the Burger King had said that the jobs offered were part-time minimum wage jobs, which didn't pay enough to live on, and that "It's hard to find people who want to actually show up for the job."

Ever heard of this theory of "trickle down?" That's ridiculous. We're talking about trickling up. We're talking about climbing up the ladder.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle trying to encourage teenage students in Salinas, California to push themselves in school. (The Fresno Bee, 5/19/92, taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

Target prices? How that works? I know quite a bit about farm policy. I come from Indiana, which is a farm state. Deficiency payments - which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands. We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar, making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to define the term "target prices." Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.

Tobacco exports should be expanded aggressively because Americans are smoking less.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1990 (reported by IPS, 8/14/92)

[David Broder: Doesn't that sound like a case where the public is getting shafted and there may be a need for local regulation or F.C.C. regulation?]
Yeah. There is F.C.C. regulation. There is regulation.
[There's not control of rates or service.]
That's true, but there is ----
[Well, tell me in simple terms that people can understand: Why shouldn't they be regulated?]
O.K., simple terms, here's the choice. Here's the choice in simple terms. Are you going to try to constrain the price increase through regulation or through genuine competition? Our preference is to do it through genuine competition.
[But there isn't genuine competition.]
That's right. Because you have -- but the cities that grant these things can certainly be more competitive and have more openness if they're ---
[So your suggestion is that they go out and have two or three different companies wire these communities to get competition?]
I'm not going to get into the micromanagement of the cable industry.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on NBC's "Meet the Press" 9/20/92, defending the administration's opposition to the cable-tv reregulation bill. (reported in the NY Times 10/7/92)

If you listen to the news, read the news, you'd think we were still in a recession. Well, we're not in a recession. We've had growth; people need to know that. They need to be more upbeat, more positive...
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91

Need any help?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in October 91 addressing GM autoworkers in Southgate two weeks before GM announced 74,000 layoffs

I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Dan Quayle on "Geography"

Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a -- it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle when a woman at a hospital in Colorado Springs asked Mr. Quayle last week whether Hawaii's universal health-care plan might serve as a national model. (reported in the NY Times, 10/7/92 and the Ft. Wayne Journal Gazette 10/11/92)

Somewhere between real and real real.
-- Senator Dan Quayle pinpointing their location to reporters aboard the Quayle campaign plane. (reported in Wall Street Journal, 10/21/88)

The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to Latin America.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/30/91

We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Dan Quayle on "Science and Technology"

Those same asteroids which promise material riches can be a threat as well.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/1/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

[Americans will soon observe the 20th anniversary of] Neil Armstrong and Buzz Lukens' walk on the moon.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 7/15/89 Los Angeles Times (7/16/89)

...Buzz Lukens took that fateful step...
-- Vice President Dan Quayle continuing to confuse the sexual assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 7/15/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We are leaders of the world of the space program. We have been the leaders of the world of our... of the space program and we're not going to continue where we're going to go, not withstanding the Soviet Union's demise and collapse - the former Soviet Union - we now have independent republics which used to be called the Soviet Union. Space is the next frontier to be explored. And we're going to explore. Think of all the things we rely upon in space today: communications from... Japan, detection of potential ballistic missile attacks. Ballistic missiles are still here. Other nations do have ballistic missiles. How do you think we were able to detect some of the Scud missiles and things like that? Space, reconnaissance, weather, communications - you name it. We use space a lot today.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle (from "What a Waste it Is to Lose One's Mind" - the Unauthorized Autobiography)

For NASA, space is still a high priority.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, talking to NASA employees, 9/5/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.

Dan Quayle on "Social Issues"

I can see the hate that was there; I can see the bigotry. I can see it from his perspective.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing his impressions of "The Autobiography of Malcolm X." (The Wall Street Journal, 6/8/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this country.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/27/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/21/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I don't have to experience tragedy to understand it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle during a photo-op in LA, responding to criticisms that he didn't understand what it meant to live in the "inner city." (WRAL 6/23/92)

When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle giving an intelligent, in-depth analysis of the LA riots. (during the Commonwealth Club speech 5/19/92)

There is one picture on TV I'll never forget - the picture of a man being pulled from his truck and being beaten to death.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about a LA riot video tape showing 33-year-old Reginald Denny being beaten unconscious. Denny, however, did not die from the attack. (Reported by AP 5/1/92, taken from the Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a cure for AIDS in the marketplace before Magic Johnson gets AIDS?
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/13/91 (CNN) [Note: Magic Johnson is HIV+ and does NOT have AIDS. This quote seemed to imply to me that Dan was expressing his hope for a cure only because a well-liked figure was in danger of dying: "Because Magic is sick, it would be nice to have a cure."]

My viewpoint is that it's more of a choice than a biological situation... I think it is a wrong choice. It is a wrong; it is a wrong choice. I do believe in most cases it certainly is a choice.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle discussing his views on homosexuality while on "This Week with David Brinkley" 9/13/92. (reported in the San Francisco Chronicle, 9/14/92)

A very positive message.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after listening to a sermon in which a Georgia minister condemned homosexuality as "satanic." (Newsweek, 11/92)

Dan Quayle on "Women's Issues"

My position is that I understand from a medical situation, immediately after a rape is reported, that a woman normally, in fact, can go to the hospital and have a D and C. At that time... that is before the forming of a life. That is not anything to do with abortion.
-- Senator Dan Quayle explaining that Dilatation and Curettage, a form of abortion which occurs after fertilization, is not really abortion. (The Washington post, 11/03/88)

You're a very strong woman... Though this would be a traumatic experience that you would never forget, I think that you would be very successful in life.
-- Senator Dan Quayle telling an 11-year-old girl why he would want her to have the baby if she were raped by her father. 10/18/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I hope I never have to deal with it. But obviously I would counsel her and talk to her and support her on whatever decision she made.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to Larry King's question of how he would react if his 13-year-old daughter chose to have an abortion. (CNN, July 22, 1992) Marilyn Quayle later remarked that her daughter would "take the child to term."

[Abortion] is not an issue with the American people. It is a figment of your imagination if you think that this is an issue that is talked about a lot.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters while flying back to Washington on September 23. [From the Associated Press 9/24/92]

Most women do not want to be liberated from their essential natures as women.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle, while campaigning in Kansas City, MO, 9/2/92 (reported in the NY times, 9/3/92)

Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue. Us men are tired of losing our women.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about breast cancer.

We're in Florida.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle explaining why he had just purchased four peaches (and no citrus fruits -- for which Florida is famous) at a Publix supermarket in Oakland Park, Florida. Georgia (which IS famous for peaches) did not gain from the transaction, however; the peaches were from Chile. (The Sunstenial)

Dan Quayle on "Natural Disaters"

Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after the San Francisco earthquake of 1989. [this may be a joke; the source is unclear. but it's still funny]

I would like to express my sympathy to all those impacted by this disaster.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle standing in front of the collapsed section of highway caused by the Loma Prieta quake. (CNN)

I couldn't help but be impressed by the magnitude of the earthquake.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, stepping out of the helicopter upon arrival at Alameda Naval Air Station.

It's a very valuable function and requirement that you're performing, so have a great day and keep a stiff upper lip.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince William Sound, May, 1989

The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle speaking to oil spill clean-up workers at Prince William Sound, May, 1989

They need help, and we have helped, and we are here to help. And we are helping, and we're going to continue to help.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle discussing federal help in the Chicago floods. (Chicago Tribune, 4/24/92 - taken from The Quayle Quarterly, Summer/Fall 1992)

The destruction, it is just very heart-rendering.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle attempting to say the SF earthquake wreckage was heart-rending (Newsweek 10/30/89)

Dan Quayle on "International Affairs"

[The US] condones violence in El Salvador.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle reveals what people have known for years. 1/31/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination of human rights in accordance with the pursuit of Justice.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 2/3/89 (reported in The Chicago Tribune, 2/4/89)

El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a single voice.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP, two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia. Unbelievable.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring.

Senator Bentsen talks about recapturing the foreign markets. Well, I'll tell you one way that we're not going to recapture the foreign markets, and that is, in fact, we have another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo. Jimmy Carter's grain embargo set the American farmer back.
-- Senator Dan Quayle. Washington Post transcript (10/6/88)

Perestroika is nothing more than refined Stalinism.
-- Senator Dan Quayle (9/04/88) (from the Book "The Clothes have No Emperor")

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about the Mideast situation, 9/22/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

[The U.S. victory in Gulf war was] a stirring victory for the forces of aggression.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 4/11/91 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I'm ready.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle describing his ability to take over the presidency after President Bush vomits and collapses in Tokyo, 1/8/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Dan Quayle on "National Defense"

Right now we have a theory of mutually assured destruction that supposedly provides for peace and stability, and it's worked. But that doesn't mean that we can't build upon a concept of MAD where both sides are vulnerable to another attack. Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to defensive capability. I believe that is the route this country will eventually go.
-- Senator Dan Quayle discussing nuclear weapons at a speech in Chicago. (reported in the NY Times 9/9/88)

We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/6/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92) Also reported by Newsweek, 9/88

[The US is] naked, absolutely nude, to attack [by the Soviets]
-- Senator Dan Quayle at the Ohio State Fair, 8/20/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Vietnam is a jungle. You had jungle warfare. Kuwait, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, you have sand. [There is no need to worry about a protracted war because] from a historical basis, Middle East conflicts do not last a long time.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 10/2/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I got through a number of things in the area of defense, like showing the importance of cruise missiles and getting them more accurate so that we can have precise precision.
-- Senator Dan Quayle referring to his legislative accomplishments. (reported in The NY Times 8/26/88)

My opponent knows less about national defense than I know about spelling. Even I know it's Cruise missiles, not Patriot missiles that go through doors and chimneys.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle correcting a Bill Clinton misstatement, 9/92. (seen on CNN; the CNN anchorwoman corrected Quayle when the story was over.)

I guess you'll have to ask the details to the management, I am here. The Governor and I are announcing this today. It was just signed off on by the Secretary of Defense as something that we have been monitoring, and the Governor obviously has been very involved in this. And we're making this announcement today.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle at a factory near Detroit in August, 1992, showing just how familiar he was with the details of a $300 million plan to upgrade the Army's M-1 tanks. (reported in the NY Times 10/7/92)

Plans for the Future

Doing it the right way is not to speculate about returning in four years or what not. All right, folks. Sine die.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked if he plans to be back in power some day. He was borrowing the Latin expression that Congress uses when it adjourns with no fixed date of return. He said this during an interview on 1/15/93. (Associated Press, 1/21/93)

I'm not interested in running for governor or any other public office. If I ever run for public office again, it will be for president.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle in an interview with The Washington Post on 1/13/93.

You'll have to ask her that.
-- Private Citizen Dan Quayle to reporters when asked if "a Quayle" might run for governor of Indiana. (reported in Newsweek, 7/5/93, pg 13)

Huh?

It's rural America. It's where I came from. We always refer to ourselves as real America. Rural America, real America, real, real, America.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 10/20/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store, Marilyn and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the different types of little things that you could get for Christmas. And all the people that would help you, they were dressed up in things that said 'I believe in Santa Claus.' And the only thing that I could think is that I believe in George Bush.
-- Senator Dan Quayle at a garden center and produce store in Baltimore (from the Los Angeles Times, Douglas Jehl, 11/6/88)

You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans, whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo," 4/25/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

It's a good Supreme Court. They're lawyers... they're judges... they're appointed for life.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked about the verdict in the Supreme Court ruling on the PA abortion law case. (Broadcast on ABC's "Prime Time Live," August 10, 1992)

We will move forward, we will move upward, and yes, we will move onward.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle to a group of students at a Chicago school, 4/24/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

I've heard people say that [I have a short attention span]. I don't feel I do, because when I'm interested in something I'll stay in focus as long as it is necessary... If you get off on something I'm not very interested in, it's very easy for me to block it out. It's easy for me to block things out.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12-JAN-92

I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

Things Dan Did

Dan got into law school through an experimental Indiana University program intended to offer 'equal opportunity' to minorities, the economically disadvantaged and other students of different viewpoints and backgrounds.

Dan Quayle had a trip planned to Beijing, but was worried because of the turmoil at that end. His security advisor however informed him that it was pretty safe for D.Q. as, "They are only harassing intellectuals."

Republican activist Dana Reed said he was amused recently when he received an unsolicited certificate of commendation signed by Vice President Dan Quayle. The honor was awarded to Reed as "a champion of the traditional American values of family, faith, hard work and morality." Reed quipped, "I'm twice-divorced and 'Murphy Brown' is my favorite TV show" (reported July, 92 by the Orange County Register)

On 10/11/88 Dan Quayle held a pumpkin next to his head. (reported in Esquire 8/92)

On 6/13/89, Dan Quayle posed in El Salvador holding a grenade launcher. Unbeknownst to him, it was aimed at his elbow. (reported in Esquire 8/92)

Quayle was very enthusiastic about signing author Tom Clancy to the National Space Council as an unpaid consultant (see his quote re: Red Storm Rising). Clancy, however, was not Quayle's first choice; that honor went to famed aviator Clutch Cargo. A plan to approach him and offer him the position was scuttled when it was discovered that Mr. Cargo is a fictional character. (reported in The New Republic, 7/3/89)

During the White House Easter Egg Roll of 1991, Quayle signed autographs using only his finger. He had prepared pre-signed cards which his aides handed out while he made signing gestures. This allowed him to move briskly and efficiently through the crowd, said his spokesman.

Dan Quayle, in April 1991, was concerned that his advisors may be getting out of touch with "Real Americans." In order to combat this, he suggested that they read People magazine.

On 8/13/91 lawyer Dan Quayle tells the American Bar Association that the US has too many lawyers. He is quickly scolded by another speaker. (reported in Esquire 8/92)

While discussing the terms of the vice-presidential debate, Quayle's aide suggested that "props" be allowed, mainly because the Vice-President wanted to read directly from Al Gore's book on the environment, "Earth in the Balance: Ecology and the Human Spirit." Gore's people agreed, saying that the Senator would then use a potato as a prop. Quayle quickly abandoned the proposal. (reported in The NY Times, 10/6/92)

It seems that Dan had let his Indiana driver's license expire in August of '90, and he had to take the written and driving tests when he returned to Indiana. His staff was unable to exert enough influence over the DMV to get them to waive the test provisions.

In his last days as a lame-duck vice president, Dan Quayle spent almost two-thirds of the residential entertainment money that was to last Al Gore most of this year. In less than three months, Quayle spent $57,259 of the $90,000 entertainment fund for 1993. (Scripps Howard News Service, 5-28-93)

The Quayle Quote File Hall of Fame

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/15/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92, The New Yorker, 10/10/88, p.102)

This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/2/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican Forum, 3/23/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92) Also reported by Reuters, 5/2/90

Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we're going forward to tomorrow or whether we're going to go past to the -- to the back!
-- Senator Dan Quayle, 8/17/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while speaking to the United Negro College Fund, 5/9/89 This gem has been added to Bartlett's "Familiar Quotations." (reported in Esquire, 8/92) (reported in the NY Times, 12/9/92)

Take a breath, Al... Inhale.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle politely cutting off Senator Al Gore during the VP Debate in Atlanta, 10/13/92. Gov. Zell Miller of Georgia said that Dan Quayle reminded him of one of his grandkids when they've had too much sugar.

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
-- Senator Dan Quayle. US News and World Report (10/10/88)

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is IN the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, Hawaii, 4/25/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 20th anniversary celebration of the moon landing, 7/20/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after the San Francisco earthquake, 10/19/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Bobby Knight told me this: "There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense." In other words a good offense wins.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, in a speech to the City Club of Chicago, comparing the offensive capabilities of the Warsaw Pact with the defensive system of NATO, 9/8/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

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Vice President Dan Quayle, Hawaii, 4/25/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 20th anniversary celebration of the moon landing, 7/20/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

The loss of life will be irreplaceable.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle after the San Francisco earthquake, 10/19/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

Bobby Knight told me this: "There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense." In other words a good offense wins.
-- Senator Dan Quayle, in a speech to the City Club of Chicago, comparing the offensive capabilities of the Warsaw Pact with the defensive system of NATO, 9/8/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)