Quotes about Men and Women

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
-- Cindy Garner

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-- Elaine Boosler

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
-- Rita Rudner

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.