Date Received: Tue, 10 Nov 1998
- You turn your nose up any establishment frequented by the S&M crowd (Scarborough and Mississauga).
- A really great parking spot can move you to tears.
- You can recommend about 3 good body piercing parlours.
- You make well over $100,000 and you still can't find a nice place to live.
- You take pride in being able to walk through Chinatown in the dead of summer without holding your breath.
- You realize there are far more rainbow flags in the city than Canadian Flags.
- When the temperature rises above zero degrees, you yell "Woohooo! Patio weather!"
- You enjoy watching channel 47 multicultural TV.
- You're guaranteed to know at least one person on every episode of Speaker's Corner.
- You haven't been to the CN Tower since you were six, but still have nightmares about that damn turbo elevator.
- You've had at least 3 bicycles stolen in the past 10 years.
- You've partied with at least one of the members of The Kids in the Hall.
- You've fantasized about having sex in Casa Loma.
- At least 3 of your friends have moved to Vancouver.
- You never, never, never swim in the lake.
- You know "The Beaches" are really called "The Beach", but still say The Beaches" just to annoy all the nitwits who live there.
- You ever had a birthday party at the Organ Grinder.
- You can say "world's tallest freestanding structure" ten times fast.
- You know the correct answer to "Where do shopping carts go to die?" is "The Don River".
- You speak better Chinese than French.
- The word "Cabbagetown" doesn't strike you as particularly amusing.
- Castle Frank subway station remains one of the great mysteries of the universe for you.
- You know what the bathrooms in the First Canadian Place are REALLY for.
- You don't know where Fort York is, but have a vague recollection of being there in a past life.
- You know the Demic's song "I Wanna Go To New York City" was intended as sarcasm, not a weekend getaway suggestion.
- You know where to find Dim Sum, Sushi, Curry, Pad Thai and a dildo at 3 a.m. on a weeknight.
- For the last time, it's pronounced 'TRONNA'!
- You consider eye contact a sign of hostility and an invasion of your privacy.
- It takes you half an hour to get to work by TTC and you are the envy of all your friends.
- You mourned the death of the Spadina Bus.
- You laugh heartily at people who refer to highway four hundred and one.
- You've taken the vomit comit.
- You can maneuver your bike across Queen St. without getting caught in the streetcar tracks.
- You know the difference between souvlaki, mussaka and spanakopita.
- You can name at least three locations of The Beer Store that are open till 11 PM.
- You have NEVER been to the Hard Rock Cafe.
- You know someone who went to High School with at least one member of The Barenaked Ladies.
- You will always refer to them as Scarbough, East York, Etobicoke, North York and Toronto no matter who amalgamated shit.
- You have a crush on that guy who does all the voice-overs for CityTV.