Miscellaneous Humour Collection

Date Received: 3 Dec 1994

If there are any university chem majors out there, or anyone who took chem in school, or especially any high school chem teachers out there, you'll love these "Chemistry Christmas Carols". My grade 12 chemistry teacher passed them out a few years back when I was still in high school. Here they are for your enjoyment! Pass 'em around.

The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town
I'm dreaming of a white precipitate
Silent labs
Deck the labs
The twelve days of chemistry
Test tubes bubbling
O little melting particle
We wish you a happy halogen
Chemistry wonderland
I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
O come all ye gases
We three students of chemistry are
Iron the Red Atom Molecule
Lab reports
Silver nitrate

1. The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town You better not weigh You better not heat You better not react I'm telling you now The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town. He's collecting data He's checking it twice He's gonna find out The heat of melting ice The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town. He sees you when you're decanting He knows when you titrate He knows when you are safe or not So wear goggles for goodness sake. Oh, you better not filter And drink your filtrate You better not be careless and spill your precipitate. The Chemistry Teacher's coming to town.	2. I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate I'm dreaming of a white precipitate just like the ones I used to make Where the colors are vivid and the chemist is livid to see impurities in the snow. I'm dreaming of a white precipitate with every chemistry test I write May your equations be balanced and right and may all your reactions be bright.
3. Silent Labs Silent labs, difficult labs All with math, all with graphs Observations of colors and smells Calculations and graph curves like bells Memories of tests that have past Oh--how long will chemistry last? Silent labs, difficult labs All with math, all with graphs Lots of equations that need balancing Gas pressure problems that make my head ring Santa Chlorine's on his way Oh--Please Santa bring me an 'A'.	4. Deck the Labs Deck the labs with rubber tubing Fa la la la la, la la la la. Use your funnel and your filter Fa la la la la, la la la la. Don we now our goggles and aprons Fa la la la la, la la la la. Before we go to our lab stations Fa la la la la, la la la la. Fill the beakers with solutions Fa la la la la, la la la la. Mix solutions for reactions Fa la la la la, la la la la. Watch we now for observations Fa la la la la, la la la la. So we can collect our data Fa la la la la, la la la la.
5. The Twelve Days of Chemistry On the first day of chemistry My teacher gave to me A candle from Chem Study. (second day) two asbestos pads (third day) three little beakers (fourth day) four work sheets (fifth day) five golden moles (sixth day) six flaming test tubes (seventh day) seven unknown samples (eighth day) eight homework problems (ninth day) nine grams of salt (tenth day) a ten page test (eleventh day) eleven molecules (twelfth day) a twelve point quiz	6. Test Tubes Bubbling (to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) Test tubes bubbling in a water bath Strong smells nipping at ypur nose. Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow Will find it hard to be inert tonight. They know that Chlorine's on its way He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh And every student's slide rule is on the sly To see if the teacher really can multiply. And so I offer you this simple phrase To chemistry students in this room Although it's been said many times, many ways Merry molecules to you.
7. O Little Melting Particle (to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem) Para Dichloro Benzene how do you melt so well? The plateau of your cooling curve is really something swell. We think the heat of fusion of water is so nice Give up fourteen hundred cals per mole and what you get is ice.	8. We Wish You a Happy Halogen We wish you a happy halogen We wish you a happy halogen We wish you a happy halogen To react with a metal. Good acid we bring to you and your base. We wish you a merry molecule and a happy halogen.
9. Chemistry Wonderland Gases explode, are you listenin' In your rest tube, silver glistens A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. Gone away, is the buoyancy Here to stay, is the density A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. In the beaker we will make lead carbonate and decide if what's left is nitrate My partner asks "Do we measure it in moles or grams?" and I'll say, "Does it matter in the end?" Later on, as we calculate the amount, of our nitrate We'll face unafraid, the precipitates that we made walking in a chemistry wonderland.	10. I Saw Teacher Kissing Santa Chlorine I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine under the chemistree last night They didn't sneak me down the periodic chart to take a peek At all the atoms reacting in their beakers; it was neat. And I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine under the chemistree so bright Oh what a reaction there would have been if the principal had walked in With teacher kissing Santa Chlorine last night.
11. O Come all ye Gases O Come all yea gases diatomic wonders O come yea, o come yea calls Avogadro. O come yea in moles 6 x 10 to the 23rd O molar mass and molecules O volume, pressure and temperature O molar volume of gases at S.T.P.	12. We Three Students of Chemistry Are We three students of chemistry are taking tests that we think are hard Stoichiometry, volumes and densities worrying all the time. O room of wonder room of fright Room of thermites blinding light: With your energies please don't burn us Help us get our labs all right.
13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule (to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer) There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine But do you recall the most famous element of all? Iron the red atom molecule had a very shiny orbital And if you ever saw him You'd enjoy his magnetic glow All of the other molecules used to laugh and call him Ferrum They never let poor Iron join in any reaction games. Then one inert Chemistry eve Santa came to say Iron with your orbital so bright won't you catalyze the reaction tonight? Then how the atoms reacted and combined in twos and threes Iron the red atom molecule you'll go down in Chemistry!	14. Lab Reports (to the tune of Jingle Bells) Dashing through the lab with a tan page lab report Taking all those tests and laughing at them all Bells for fire drills ring making spirits bright What fun it is to laugh and sing a chemistry song tonight. Oh, lab report, lab reports, reacting all the way Oh what fun it is to study for a chemistry test today, Hey! Chemistry test, chemistry test isn't it a blast Oh what fun it is to take a chemistry test and pass.
15. Silver Nitrate (to the tune of Silver Bells) Silver nitrate, silver nitrate it's chemistry time in the lab Ding-a-ling, with a copper ring soon it will be chemistry day. Take your nitrate, in solution Add your copper with style In the beaker there's a feeling of reactions silver forming, blue solution Bringing ooh's ah's and wows now the data procesing begins. Get the mass, change to moles what is the ratio with copper? Write an equation, balance it we're glad it's Chemistry Day.

Gavin Grandish      | "Imagination is more important
Simon Fraser University | than knowledge."
British Columbia, Canada | -Albert Einstein

Chemistry Carols

Quick Links

Contents

1. The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town

2. I'm Dreaming of a White Precipitate

3. Silent Labs

4. Deck the Labs

5. The Twelve Days of Chemistry

6. Test Tubes Bubbling

7. O Little Melting Particle

8. We Wish You a Happy Halogen

9. Chemistry Wonderland

10. I Saw Teacher Kissing Santa Chlorine

11. O Come all ye Gases

12. We Three Students of Chemistry Are

13. Iron the Red Atom Molecule

14. Lab Reports

15. Silver Nitrate