You Might Be A Redneck If ...

Date Received: Wed, 4 Nov 1998


  1. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
  2. Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
  3. Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.
  4. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
  5. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
  6. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
  7. Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
  8. You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.
  9. You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
  10. You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
  11. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
  12. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
  13. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  14. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
  15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
  16. You take a six-pack cooler to church.
  17. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
  18. You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
  19. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
  20. You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  21. You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
  22. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  23. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  24. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
  25. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
  26. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
  27. Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
  28. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
  29. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

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