Redneck Haiku

Date Received: Friday, November 10, 2000
For those of us who need something to get us through a gloomy Friday, here are some redneck haikus.


A NEW MOON
Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs
ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files fer
Restraining order
BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps
BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne's been mowing with
Gasoline again
DEPRIVED
In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants rasslin' doll
Mama whups his ass
DESIRE
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost fergit
That you're my cousin
DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazard Marathon
Starts at 9 O'Clock
EXUBERANCE
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil
GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man
HATRED
I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
Goddamn Jeff Gordon
IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino
MOTHER AND CHILD
Crusted in boogers
Stained with Kool-Aid, baby has face
Only Mama loves
NO SIGNAL
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; the satellite dish
Needs new descrambler
OFFERINGS
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Robert Tilton
OPTIONS
Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can git on
Disability
PRIDE
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans that
Fill his pick-up bed
REMORSE
A painful sadness
Cain't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door
 

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