Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...

Date Received: Sun, 17 Mar 1996


  1. your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
  2. he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
  3. you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
  4. he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
  5. he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
  6. he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
  7. he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
  8. he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
  9. he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
  10. he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
  11. he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
  12. he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
  13. he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
  14. he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
  15. he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
  16. he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
  17. he paints the starship John Deere green
  18. he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
  19. he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
  20. his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
  21. he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
  22. his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
  23. he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
  24. his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
  25. he sets phaser to "Cajun"

This page last updated .