Church Bulletin Board Bloopers

Combined from a file with no date or sender, and two others received March 29, 2001 and May 14, 2003

These are actual clippings from church newspapers It's amazing what a little proofreading would prevent:


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Smile at someone who is hard to love.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs... Julius Belzer.

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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