February 16, 2007.
This is a list of computer-related terms that can also be applied to
parenting, though in a slightly different way. If you, gentle reader, have
any suggestions, please Mail me!
- Access Denied: The cookie jar is in a locked cupboard.
- Backup: What you get when toys are put in the toilet.
- BSD: Big Stinky Diaper.
- CD-ROM: Change Diaper - Remove Offending Material.
- Core Dump: Cause of BSD.
- Crash: What happens if you don't terminate a child process.
- DB2: Diaper Blowout #2: It always happens when you're out of the house,
usually without extra diapers and/or wipes.2
- Disk Defragmentation: Sweeping up a broken plate.
- Disk Error: The frisbee went into the neighbour's yard.1
- Drive: What motivates kids to spend 5 hours playing the same video game,
yet is strangely lacking when it comes to doing homework or chores.
- Excel: What kids do at avoiding homework and chores.
- File Not Found: Why the little girl couldn't get a manicure.
- Hard drive: The long journey on vacation/to visit grandparents.1
- Illegal Operation: Cheating on a test, drinking underage, etc.1
- Invalid Argument: "He hit me back first!", "Because I don't
want to!", etc.1
- Hyperlink: The connection between children's behaviour and sugar.
- Interrupt Request: "Mommy/Daddy, stop talking on the phone! I want [whatever]!"
- Laptop: Where the cuddle is administered when sick or upset.1
- Monitor: What you have to do to keep the little monsters out of trouble.
- Office: Where you go to get away from it all.2
- Parallel Processing: Talking on the phone, instant messaging, watching TV and
ignoring homework, all at the same time.
- PDF: Pretty Dirty Fingernails.2
- Power Switch: The stick from the back yard that can be used for threats of
spankings (now politically incorrect, of course).2
- PowerPoint: Used to show the kids where to go for time-out.
- RAM: When kids collide.
- Reboot: What to do when the kid gets his boots on the wrong feet.
- Screen saver: Reminding the kids (loudly) that the window screen is NOT for
- Segmentation Fault: What happens when the kids tease the neighbour's dog until
it pulls hard enough to break its chain and charge.
- Serial Cable: A free jump-rope inside a box of Lucky Charms.
- Sleep: What kids won't do on weekends.
- Software Error: The pillow fight has just been discovered in full swing!1
- Spreadsheets: An unmade bed.
- Terminate a Child Process: Catching them in the act before they wreck something.
- Unix: What men are supposed to become after the last kid is born.
- USB: Uninterrupted Sustained Barfing, courtesy of a stomach virus.
- Virtual machine: A computer that exists for your use only, with no games and
no children hogging it, and is therefore totally imaginary.1
- Virus Scan: A visit to the doctor.1
- Word: What you shout at the kids when they're being naughty.2
- WordPerfect: Praise.2
Unmarked: Myself (Harold Reynolds)
1 Helen Kennedy
2 Jon Martin