Are you too Much of a Computer Freak?

Date Received: Jan 2, 1996

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT COMPUTERS...

  1. If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.
  2. When your modem starts smoking.
  3. If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.
  4. If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.
  5. If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
  6. If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
  7. If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.
  8. If you can write your own html page.
  9. If you can access more than 20 erotic no-pay sites.
  10. If you download more than 20Mb of from a binary newsgroup, in one session.
  11. If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look at a photograph.
  12. You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
  13. If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
  14. When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save command.
  15. When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on the dashboard of your car, to make it go.
  16. When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system administrator.
  17. When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
  18. When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
  19. If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and receive a "pending disconnection of service" notice. -When you order most of what you buy... online.
  20. If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
  21. When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually met; except through e-mail.
  22. When you log-off from a session in your favorite newsgroup... and your log reads: Online time: 56 hours 24 minutes.
  23. If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month, connect time.
  24. When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
  25. You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bill's sermon.
  26. When that 112 GB hard drive is full.
  27. If 133 Mhz is simply too slow.
  28. When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
  29. If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the engine is running.
  30. When you discover that in order to drive your car somewhere, you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
  31. If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car - and understand what they say.
  32. When you modify the programming of your car's computers and actually get better mileage.
  33. When you can access the Net - via your portable and cellular phone.
  34. If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
  35. If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
  36. When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player.
  37. When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find it's on TV.
  38. If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."
  39. If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes.
  40. If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
  41. When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" - for the 63rd time.
  42. If magazines like "InternetWorld" are of greater interest than "Playboy" or "Playgirl".
  43. If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
  44. If you use more than 20 passwords.
  45. If you set up your own Web page.
  46. If you set up a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets.
  47. If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address.
  48. If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.
  49. If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.
  50. If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.
  51. If you can write a list like this.
  52. If you can relate to a list like this.


Date Received: Nov 10, 1997

SIGNS YOU MAY BE AN AOL ADDICT

  1. A friend calls and says "How are you? Your phones have been busy-- for a year!"
  2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
  3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
  4. You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said YOU'VE GOT MAIL.
  5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
  6. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs.
  7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.
  8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
  9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
  10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
  11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
  12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
  13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
  14. You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep.
  15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
  16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
  17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
  18. "Where did the time go??"
  19. You sit on AOL for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
  20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
  21. You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
  22. You've gone to an unstaffed AOL room to give tech support.
  23. You think faster than the computer.
  24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and **kisses**.
  25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
  26. You're on the phone and say BRB.
  27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
  28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and Ill TTYL ASAP".
  29. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
  30. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.

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