The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name
Initial
Last Name
Password
Code Name
Latitude _________ Longitude _________ Altitude _________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
_F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-117A Stealth _Classified
3. Date of purchase: Month: _________ Day: _________ Year: _________
4. Serial Number:
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
_Received as gift/aid package
_Catalog showroom
_Sleazy arms broker
_Mail order
_Discount store
_Government surplus
_Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
_Heard loud noise, looked up
_Store display
_Espionage
_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
_Political lobbying by manufacturer
_Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
_Style/appearance
_Kickback/bribe
_Recommended by salesperson
_Speed/maneuverability
_Comfort/convenience
_McDonnell Douglas reputation
_Advanced Weapons Systems
_Price/value
_Backroom politics
_Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
_North America
_Central/South America
_Aircraft carrier
_Europe
_Middle East
_Africa
_Asia/Far East
_Misc. Third World countries
_Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
| >Product | Own | Intend to purchase |
| >Color TV | ____ | ____ |
| >VCR | ____ | ____ |
| >ICBM | ____ | ____ |
| >Killer Satellite | ____ | ____ |
| >CD Player | ____ | ____ |
| >Air-to-Air Missiles | ____ | ____ |
| >Space Shuttle | ____ | ____ |
| >Home Computer | ____ | ____ |
| >Nuclear Weapon | ____ | ____ |
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:
_Communist/Socialist
_Terrorist
_Crazed
_Neutral
_Democratic
_Dictatorship
_Corrupt
_Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
_Cash
_Suitcases of cocaine
_Oil revenues
_Deficit spending
_Personal check
_Credit card
_Ransom money
_Traveler's check
12. Check all that apply:
| >Occupation | You | Your Spouse |
| >Homemaker | ____ | ____ |
| >Sales/marketing | ____ | ____ |
| >Revolutionary | ____ | ____ |
| >Clerical | ____ | ____ |
| >Mercenary | ____ | ____ |
| >Tyrant | ____ | ____ |
| >Middle management | ____ | ____ |
| >Eccentric billionaire | ____ | ____ |
| >Defense Minister/general | ____ | ____ |
| >Retired | ____ | ____ |
| >Student | ____ | ____ |
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
| >Activity/Interest | You | Your Spouse |
| >Golf | ____ | ____ |
| >Boating/sailing | ____ | ____ |
| >Sabotage | ____ | ____ |
| >Running/jogging | ____ | ____ |
| >Propaganda/disinformation | ____ | ____ |
| >Destabilization/overthrow | ____ | ____ |
| >Default on loans | ____ | ____ |
| >Gardening | ____ | ____ |
| >Crafts | ____ | ____ |
| >Black market/smuggling | ____ | ____ |
| >Collectibles/collections | ____ | ____ |
| >Watching sports on TV | ____ | ____ |
| >Wines | ____ | ____ |
| >Interrogation/torture | ____ | ____ |
| >Household pets | ____ | ____ |
| >Crushing rebellions | ____ | ____ |
| >Espionage/reconnaissance | ____ | ____ |
| >Fashion clothing | ____ | ____ |
| >Border disputes | ____ | ____ |
| >Mutually Assured Destruction | ____ | ____ |
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis
This page last updated .
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