Pun Dictionary: VZ Entries

A Wake (One-Liners)
So, if the after-party's for a guy who's permanently asleep, why is it called awake?
Heart on your Sleeve (One-Liners)
Does an emotional zombie wear his heart on his sleeve?
The World is Ours (Expressions)
The motto of the International Timekeeper's Union is "The world is hours".
Unhygienic (One-Liners)
Not greeting Jennifer makes me a dirty boy: Un-hi-Jen-ic.
Unparalleled (Mathematics)
My skills at drawing intersecting lines are unparalleled.
Up to Something (Jokes)
I don't like stairs. They're always up to something.
Vacuous (Tom Swifties)
"I feel so... empty," said Tom vacuously.
Vague (Astronomy)
When an astronomy problem is not clear, it is Vega.
Vain (Anatomy)
A doctor whose best friend is a mirror is said to be vein.
Valence [chemistry] (Tom Swifties)
"I will find out how many electrons that atom is sharing," said Tom valiantly.
Vault (Sports)
How a gymnast leaps over a bank: Vault.
Veer Away (Book Titles)
Avoid that Pedestrian!: Vera Way A
Vein-Glow (Tom Swifties)
"Now I've got uranium in my bloodstream!" said Tom vaingloriously.
Venetian Blind (Jokes)
How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eyes.
Venezuela (Geography)
Are orcas, humpbacks and blues found near Venez-whale-a?
Venture [capital (Tom Swifties)
"I invested in a high-tech startup," Tom ventured.
Very (Names)
Jokes on my name are not Vera funny at all.
Very Funny (Book Titles)
You're a Bundle of Laughs: Vera Funny
Vet's Office (Book Titles)
I Frighten Your Pets: Yvette Soffice.
Vicar Caries (Tom Swifties)
"I'm clenching my jaw because our local clergyman has a toothache," said Tom vicariously.
Victor (Mathematics)
He won the race, so they called him the vector.
Victoria Falls (Geography)
What happens when Victoria trips? Victoria Falls.
Victory (Book Titles)
Winning the Race: Vic Tree
Vinegar (Book Titles)
Sour Drinks Make Me Growl: Vinnie Grrr
Viola Player (Book Titles)
String Instruments: Viola Player
Violence (Music)
Enraged at their poor playing, the conductor attacked the orchestra members with great violins.
Virtual Reality (Book Titles)
New Computer Games: Virgil Reality JG
Virtuous (Tom Swifties)
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her," said Agatha Christie virtuosically.
Visibly Moved [expression] (Tom Swifties)
"A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair," said Tom, visibly moved.
Volt (Geography)
You'll get a charge out of rafting the Volta River.
Von (Toronto)
Herbert Vaughan Karajan was a famous conductor of classical music.
Voss Talk (Geography)
"Miss Voss has a really high, squeaky voice." "Yes, it can sometimes be really painful to hear Miss Vostok."
Wacko (Geography)
The people in this Texas town are not crazy, just Waco.
Wails (Geography)
The boy cried so much he was called the Prince of Wales.
Walkie-Talkie (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie. When phones first came to Milwaukee, were they called Milwaukee-talkies?
Wall Nut (Trees/Shrubs)
"You must be crazy to build a wall of wood!" "Of course! I'm a walnut!"
Wall Russ (One-Liners)
If a drywall contractor named Russ were to choose a mascot for his company, would it be a walrus?
Wall to Wall (Book Titles)
Carpet Fitting: Walter Wall h
Want (Tom Swifties)
"I'm very popular with women," said Don wanly.
Want To (Names)
"What are you doing?" "I'm not telling!" "I Wanda know what you little monsters are up to!"
War and Peace (Book Titles)
Leo Tolstoy: Warren Peace
War is hell (Book Titles)
I Hate Fighting: Boris Hell
Warden (Toronto)
"When can I get out of jail?" "Ask the Warden."
Warn her Quick (Book Titles)
Woman in Danger!: Warner Quick
Warren Berger [US Supreme Court Justice] (Book Titles)
Judging Fast Food: Warren Berger 3
Water (Geography)
From a geographer parent: "Baby want a dwink of Wawa?"
Watergate (One-Liners)
Was President Nixon's favourite 'thirst quencher' Watergatorade?
Wave (Jokes)
What did the ocean say to the boat? Nothing, it just waved.
Wax Enthusiastic [expression] (Tom Swifties)
"Look at my shiny kitchen floor," said Tom, waxing enthusiastic.
Way to Go (Book Titles)
Positive Reinforcement: Wade Ago JG
We Know (Geography)
"You can't fool us! Reno what you're up to!"
Weak (Tom Swifties)
"Five cups of tea from one bag is too much," said Tom weakly.
Weakened (Jokes)
I woke up on Saturday morning feeling listless, unmotivated and barely able to get out of bed. I was in a weekend condition.
Weapon (One-Liners)
If I told jokes with intent to injure, would I be charged with assault with a weapun?
Weatherstripping (One-Liners)
When meteorologists want to have a stag (or doe) party, they go to Home Depot to see the weather stripping.
Web [World Wide] (Jokes)
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70! Forget this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Weekly (Tom Swifties)
"I fall ill every Tuesday," said Tom weakly.
Welcome to the Jungle (One-Liners)
Psychiatrists have a favourite Guns N Roses song: Welcome to the Jung-le.
Weld (Geography)
In Geography Shop class we learned how to Veldt metal together.
Well Land (Geography)
The opposite of Sickland is Welland.
Well Read (Expressions)
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
We'll Shake [hands] and Make Up (Book Titles)
Promises for Peace: Will Shake and Mae Kupp A
Well-Grounded (Tom Swifties)
"Lightning rods can protect water supplies," said Tom, displaying well-grounded knowledge.OK
Wells-ly (Toronto)
The opposite of Sickly Street is Wellesley Street.
Well-Urned (Tom Swifties)
"You've stowed his ashes commendably," was Tom's well-earned compliment.
We're All Nuts (Food)
Motto of Psychiatric Institute: "Walnuts around here."
Werewolf (Jokes)
What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine? A wash and wear wolf.
Whale (Tom Swifties)
"My giant sea creature died," Tom wailed blubberingly.
What (Physics)
Watt we need is more power.
What are Melons (Food)
Watermelons doing here? I told you I wanted oranges!
What are you waiting for? (Expressions)
Come on, let's go swimming! Water you wading for?
What's (Music)
What Bugs Bunny says to Strauss. "Waltz up, doc?"
Wheat (Mathematics)
French number bread is made from huit flour.
When A (Geography)
Vienna you going to finish this Geography test?
When Did He Do That (Book Titles)
That was Quick!: Wendy Dothat A
When Is (1) (Astronomy)
Venus he coming to get us?
When Is (2) (Geography)
Fred is ten minutes late! Venice he going to show up?
Where (Tom Swifties)
"Who? What?" asked Tom warily.
Where Do (Music)
Hold it right there! Verdi you think you're going?
Whether (Meteorology)
I've been debating weather or not to be a meteorologist.
Whimper (Tom Swifties)
"I am NOT a fraidy-cat," Tom wimppurred.
Whist (Tom Swifties)
"I wish I could remember the name of that card game," said Tom wistfully.
White Horse (Geography)
It wasn't a black stallion, it was a Whitehorse.
White Russian [alcoholic drink] (One-Liners)
Does a racist ethnic bar serve only White Russians?
Who Are You (Book Titles)
Greeting Sheep Strangers: Hugh R. Ewe a
Who Cares (Book Titles)
Chinese Apathy: Hu Cares
Who Flung Dung (Book Titles)
Mystery in the Barnyard: Hu Flung Dung
Who Goes There (Book Titles)
Midnight Patrol: Hugo Sair A
Who Let the Dogs Out (One-Liners)
A song that should be played at sci-fi fan-cons is "Dr. Who Let the Dogs Out". Except, they're not dogs…
Whoa (Tom Swifties)
"I tried to stop the horse by pulling the cord on the back," was Tom's tale of woe. "Stop that horse!" cried Tom woefully.
Whole (Jokes)
Why did Silly Billy quit his job in the doughnut factory? He was tired of the hole business.
Whole Grains (One-Liners)
Are doughnuts made from hole grains?
Whole Heart (Tom Swifties)
"I passed my electrocardiogram," said Tom wholeheartedly.
Whole-Hearted (Tom Swifties)
"I got shot in the chest!" said Tom whole-heartedly.
Whore-End (Tom Swifties)
"It's Jack the Ripper!" said Tom horrendously.
Who's Sane (Book Titles)
Sure, I'm Crazy!: Hussein Anyway
Why (Tom Swifties)
"I know all the wherefores," said Tom wisely.
Why it Works (Book Titles)
Engineering Instructor: Wyatt Works JG
Why Me (Book Titles)
It's Unfair!: Y. Me
Why Oming (Geography)
"I have decided to call the process of writing Geography Puns 'Oming'." "Wyoming? ...Oh, never mind!"
Wilde [Oscar] (Tom Swifties)
"Dorian Gray's by Oscar," said Tom wildly.
Wilderness (Book Titles)
Exploring The Dutch Frontier: Will Der Ness JG
Wilfully (Tom Swifties)
"These are all my final wishes," said Tom willfully.OK
Will (Food)
Veal you get on with it? "I designate you my chief heir," said Tom willingly.
Will He Make It (Book Titles)
Fifty Yards to the Outhouse: Willy Makit and Betty Woant
Will My Money Last (Book Titles)
Social Insecurity: Wilma Moneylast JG
Willpower (Book Titles)
Just Say No: Will Power JG
Wilt[ed] Plant (Book Titles)
Bad Gardeners: Wilt Plant
Win A Pig (Geography)
First prize is a hog! How'd you like to Winnipeg?
Win on a Seven (Book Titles)
How to Succeed at Craps: Winona Seven
Win Some (Tom Swifties)
"... and lose a few," said Tom winsomely.
Winds Are (Geography)
In a hurricane, the Windsor very strong.
Windshield Wiper (Animals)
The best snake to have around a car is a windshield viper.
Windy City (Book Titles)
Life in Chicago: Wendy City
Wine (Tom Swifties)
"I hate grape beverages," Tom whined with clarity.
Wined (Tom Swifties)
"Gin rummy with Brandy's scotched, Bud," whined Sherry wryly.
Winnebago (Book Titles)
Mobile Homes: Winnie Bago b
Winnipeg (Geography)
The best place to hear a horse talking is Whinny-peg.
Wisdom [teeth] (Tom Swifties)
"This tooth extraction could take for ever," said Tom with infinite wisdom.
Wise (Halifax)
It is not a Wyse idea to try crossing a bridge without paying the toll!
Wise Acher (Tom Swifties)
"All my knowledge cannot ease my arthritis," said the wiseacre.
Wish Wash (Tom Swifties)
"I wish you wouldn't crucify him, but I'm washing my hands of the matter," said Pontius Pilate wishy-washily.
Withdrawal (Jokes)
I'm addicted to having money in my bank account. I suffer from withdrawals.
Without a Trace (Jokes)
A Mexican magician said he'd disappear on the count of three. Uno. Dos. Poof! Without a tres.
Wkipedia (One-Liners)
The primary source of information in the Star Wars universe is Wookiee-pedia.
Woe Tide [detergent] (Tom Swifties)
"I'll never use that brand of detergent again," said Tom woebetidedly.
Wonton (Tom Swifties)
"Give me some Chinese food," said Tom wantonly.
Wood Buyin' (Toronto)
A good street for purchasing lumber is Woodbine Ave.
Wooden (One-Liners)
Pinocchio wanted to be a star on Broadway, but was criticized for his wooden acting.
Wool Fish (Tom Swifties)
"I'm knitting a sweater for my guppy," said Tom wolfishly.
Woolf [Virginia] (Tom Swifties)
"Orlando's by Virginia," said Tom wolfishly.
Wooly Jumper [sweater] (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A wooly jumper. (b)
Work (Physics)
All quark and no play makes physicists a dull lot.
Workout (Tom Swifties)
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.
Worse (Geography)
The Polish Pun Situation went from badda to Warsaw.
Worship (Military)
I love you! I'm crazy about you! I warship the ground you walk on!
Worst (Food)
His jokes about sausages are the wurst I've ever heard!
Worster (Geography)
An example of bad geography grammar: worse, Worcester, worstest.
Worthless (Tom Swifties)
"Algol standards aren't the same without Niklaus on the committee," said Tom wirthlessly.
Would He Come (Book Titles)
If I Invited Him...: Woody Kum 3
Would Stock (Geography)
"What could convince you to stock the Amazing Wonder Widget?" "I Woodstock it if I knew it would sell."
Wreckless (Tom Swifties)
"I haven't had an accident in ten years," said Tom recklessly.
Wrecks Dale (Toronto)
"I named my car Dale and it got run over by a steamroller." "I guess that Rexdale, doesn't it?"
Wrecks Towed (Book Titles)
The Auto Salvage Business: Rex Toad JG
Wrestlemania (One-Liners)
Is the premier athletic event of cattle thieves called Rustlemania?
Wretched (Tom Swifties)
"That's the worst oyster I've ever eaten," said Tom retchedly.
Wrote Her (Cars)
She wrote me a nice letter, so I rotor back.
Wryly (Tom Swifties)
"I like whiskey!" said Tom Riley.
Wyatt Earp (Book Titles)
Gunslingers with Gas: Wyatt Urp
X [windows] Claimed (Tom Swifties)
"I wrote that window system for MIT," Tom exclaimed.
X-Rated (Jokes)
Ted's radiologist could be a porn star, since she's already X-Ray-Ted.
X-Static (Tom Swifties)
"I've declared the variable X so that its value is saved from one procedure invocation to the next," said Tom ecstatically.
Xylophone (Book Titles)
Wooden Percussion: Cy L'Phone A A farmer's favourite percussion instrument is a silo-phone.
Ya Make A (Geography)
"Did Jamaica cake for dessert?" "No, I made a pie."
Ya Pan (Geography)
"So, oldtimer, how did Japan for gold during the Great Far East gold rush?"
Yabba-Dabba-Doo (Expressions)
If Fred Flintstone played video games, would he say "Yabba-dabba-Doom"?
Yahoo (Book Titles)
Cheer for Your Team!: E. A. Hoo
Yak (Tom Swifties)
"What do you think of the Tibetan ox?" yackety-yakked Tom.
Yam (Tom Swifties)
"I hate sweet potatoes," Tom yammered.
Yard (Measures)
Give weeds an inch and they'll take a yard.
Ye Men (Geography)
Oh come all Yemen to Bethlehem so ye may rejoice.
Yeast (Tom Swifties)
"I'm so full, I could blow up," said Tom yeastily.
Yellow (Geography)
The sun in North Korea is not orange, it's Yalu.
Yellow Knife (Geography)
"Is that a red knife?" "No, it's a Yellowknife".
Yer Anus (Astronomy)
The proctologists' planet is Uranus.
Yon (Tom Swifties)
"Well, don't bring it hither!" Tom yawned.
Yonge (Toronto)
"I'm just not as Yonge as I used to be."
You Be Quick (Book Titles)
Turtle Racing: Eubie Quick
You Can (Geography)
Fred: "Can I do it?" Ned: "Of course Yukon."
You Can't (Geography)
You dented my car! Uganda get away with this!
You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It Too (Expressions)
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
You Can't Keep a Good Man Down (Cannibals)
A tribe of cannibals caught a saint sent to them as a missionary and ate him. He was very tender and tasty, yet they were all violently sick afterwards. It shows that you can't keep a good man down.
You Go First (Book Titles)
Parachuting: Hugo First
You Have a Friend in Me (Cannibals)
Would the Toy Story song "You Have a Friend in Me" be different if it were sung by cannibals?
You have my word (Jokes)
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word.
You Knit (Mathematics)
What you do if you have yarn and needles: Unit.
You Know (Geography)
Don't Juneau what the capital of Alaska is?
You Land the Plane (Book Titles)
"I Fly Da Plane" by Yolanda Plane.
You Lose (Book Titles)
I Win!: U. Lose
You May (Geography)
Yuma think that punsters are crazy, but we're not!
You On (Money)
If you anger a Chinese Mafia boss, he's likely to "put yuan ice."
You Put Her (Astronomy)
Leave my girlfriend alone! Jupiter down this instant!
You Reek (1) (Geography)
Fred: "As a geographer, what would you say if I were sprayed by a skunk?" Nell: "Eureka!"
You Reek (2) (Tom Swifties)
"Eureka!" said Archimedes to the skunk.
You Silly (Food)
You and your pasta jokes! Fusilli!
You Trekked (Geography)
"I walked 10 km to meet you!" "Wow, Utrecht a long way!"
You wanna beer (Book Titles)
The Friendly Bartender: Juana Beer s
You wanna lift (Book Titles)
The Hitchhiker: Juan Nalift JG
You, Nick (Geography)
When selecting Charles and Nick, the prof said, "You, Charles and Munich."
You'll (1) (Christmas)
If you don't behave yourself, yule get coal in your stocking.
You'll (2) (Physics)
"I'll help you with quantum field theory if joule help me with thermodynamics."
You'll Be Sorry (Book Titles)
Playing with the Christmas Fire: Yule B. Sari m For Christmas, I got my wife a wrap-around dress with a bee motif. She didn't like it. The sales clerk did warn me of this, when he called it a "Yule bee sari".
Your (Geography)
York kids are d-doing well in speech c-class.
Your Mills (Toronto)
My mills are turning a nice profit. How are York Mills doing?
Your Mouth (Geography)
"If you can't say anything nice, keep Yarmouth shut!"
You're A Way Off (Geography)
"The answer is 45, not 2! Uruguay off!"
You're Crazy (Toronto)
"When I become Emperor of Toronto, I'll ban sitting!" "York crazy! Nobody will stand for it!"
You're In (Anatomy)
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
You're On (Anatomy)
"Neuron my property! Can't you see the "No Trespassing" sign?"
You're Up (Geography)
Geography meets baseball: "Hey, you! Europe next at bat!"
Yucca Tan (Geography)
If a yucca plant turns brown in the sun, the result could be called a Yucatan.
Yul Brynner (Book Titles)
Christmas for Baldies: Yule Brynner
Yule Tide [detergent] (Tom Swifties)
"I used lots of detergent in late December," was Tom's yuletide comment.
Zamboni (Jokes)
The Undead Hockey League cleans its ice rinks with Zombonis.
Zeno [lighter brand] (Tom Swifties)
"I can't zeem to locate our enemy's disposable lighter," said Tom xenophobically.
Zero Fight (Tom Swifties)
"Every last one of you is a wimp," said Tom xerophytically. (Pronounce "xerophytically" with first "y" long.)
Zero Graph (Tom Swifties)
"The entire map collection has been stolen!" said Tom xerographically.
Zest [brand of soap] (Tom Swifties)
"When I swore, my mother made me eat soap," said Tom zestfully.
Zipper (Tom Swifties)
"Your fly is undone," was Tom's zippy rejoinder.
Zir Con (Geology)
When Fred Zir was swindled of his jewels, it was called the Great Zircon.
Zoo Fight (Tom Swifties)
"The baboons are at it again!" was Tom's zoophytic analysis.
Zucchini (Book Titles)
Long, Green Vegetables, Volume 2: Sue Keeny