Diplomacy by the Letters

My original Diplomacy by the Letters poem just featured the letters in the word "Diplomacy". For reasons I can't explain, I thought I'd take it to the next level by doing it for all of the seven Diplomacy Powers, then making it even harder on myself by including the extra three Powers in Youngstown Diplomacy: China, India and Japan. Needless to say, the letter A is the most frequenly occurring one, and caused me the most trouble.

This (and most of the other items in this collection) was published in the Diplomatic Pouch. I figured that I should include it on my website as well, for the entertainment of those foolish enough to check it out. 8-)

A is for Ankara, next to the Black Sea. When Turks send their fleet out, the Russians won't flee. U is for Uncle, a word that you cry, when neighbours are swarming and no help is nigh. S is for Sinking, a feeling you get, when neighbours conspire and start taking bets. T is for Trusting, which isn't too smart. Your neighbours are liars and make it an art. R is for Rebound. It's what units do, when you move to a space and your neighbour does too. I is for Irate, not the optometrist's fee. It can come from failure of your Diplomacy. A is for Army. You need to have lots, to keep other guys from calling the shots.

E is for England, surrounded by water. He shouldn't be trusted; he can be a rotter. N is for Nice Guy, which you cannot be, if you want the result to be victory. G is for Greedy; it's a Deadly Sin. Get overextended and your "allies" move in. L is for Lucky, which you call their guesses, that give them your dots, and leave you with messes. A is for Access, which should be denied, to your nasty neighbours who all want your hide. N is for None, the SCs you're left, after they stab you with moves mean and deft. D is for Damned, if don't or you do. Yep, no matter what, you're gonna get screwed.

F is for Fleet. You'll need some, I think. Grab supply centres, so they do not sink. R is for Retreat, which you have to do, when too many units are coming at you. A is for Allies, who're needed to win. But don't be too trusting or they'll do you in. N is for Neighbours, each guy has a few. They are not your friends - they're out to get you. C is for Connive, and double-dealing. Keeping friends happy and bad guys squealing. E is for Evil (in others, not you). Lying and stabbing are things you don't do. (Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.)

G is for Germany. He might have a chance, if he can get England to start fighting with France. E is for Edinburgh, a city of Scotch. If England has lost it, the game has been botched. R is for Ruhr, an industrial zone. If France invades it, the German will moan. M is for Mendicant. You know his whine: "Can you spare a dot, buddy? I've lost all of mine." A is for Antics, used to distract an opponent from making an unwanted attack. N is for Naples, an Italian port. Occupy it and his game will be short. Y is for Yanking, of your neighbour's chain, when you promise him help, but deliver the pain.

I is Ionian, a really large lake. It's something Italians don't want you to take. T is for Tantrum, an expression of rage, when you're crushed yet again and get tossed in the cage. A is Apulia, the heel of the boot. Pop in an army; the Italian will hoot. L is for London, a great English city. Occupying it won't make you witty. Y is for 'Why me?', (OK, it's a stretch), you say when you're stabbed and you need to kvetch.

R is for Russia, that guy in the East. He pretends that he's nice, but he's really a beast. U is for Ugly, describing the board, where bad guys are massing and forming a horde. S is for Snivel, a sound that you make, when your so-called allies your SCs they take. S is for Serbia, the cause of The War. Austria's takeover threw peace out the door. I is for Ice cold, which your blood must be, to stab your opponents into history. A is for Anger, how you feel when you're stabbed, and all units gone, and all SCs nabbed.

T is for Turkey. It's cold in his corner. Stomp him to Hell so he can get warmer. U is for Ukraine, a portion of Russia. Move in an army and Russia will smushia. R is Romania, dealing with scares, from Russia and Austria, who think it is theirs. K is for Kindness, an admirable trait. Just don't expect others to reciprocate. E is for Elegant, how you praise your win. Others are hostile and claim it's a sin. Y is for Yellow, the colour of Turks. The yellower the map, the better it works!

J is for Japan, a maritime power. When he builds armies his neighbours will glower. A is for Asia, which has lots of space. You can put units all over the place. P is for Pieces that sit on the board. All players holler "Why can't I have more?" A is for Annoyed, a chronic condition, when you and your units face indisposition. N is for "Nyah-nyah!", which is really rude to say to someone when he's totally screwed.

I is for India, known for its curry. It can be conquered, but not in a hurry. N is for Naughty, to be a bad boy, treating your neighbour like he is a toy. D is for your Death, which came quickly last game. Here's hoping that this time will not end the same! I is Impious, the way that you swear, when an army shows up that you wish weren't there. A is for Awful, the scrape that you're in. You want to expand, but they've hemmed you in.

C is for Catching your foe unaware. You could melt iron with his hostile stare. H is for "Help me!", you cry in despair, while begging for aid which just isn't there. I is for Income you get from SCs. You're likely to say "I want some more, please!" N is for Nachos, some chips that you munch, while stabbing your neighbour and avoiding a punch. A is for Argue, a noisy debate: why you shouldn't be put in a moribund state.