Feline Olympics

Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1998

Hi - I was just reading the Basic Rules, and thought you might like to see this...put most of it together four years ago when the entire country was obsessing over Nancy Kerrigan's knee.

Feline Olympics

Yuki and Dulcy Clarke-Shigekawa, February 1994 (typed for them by their female human, Kristina Clarke - comments/additions from other cats are welcomed)

Team Events

Community Napping

Reciprocal Earwashing

Synchronized Bathing: Extra points if you can do this on the humansí bed, in the middle of the night when they are sleeping. Bonus points if you arrange yourselves near their heads.

Round-the-House Window-to-Window Relay Race

Butt-tap Tag: Best done before your sadistic humans have clipped your claws - you can get extra points for the amount of fur you pull off your opponent with each tap.

Catch the Tail: This is best done from a table top - the object is to catch the tip of the other cat's tail as she passes under the table. It usually leads to a Sumo Tag competition.

Sumo Tag: The ultimate tag game - the object is first to grab your opponent by the throat with your mouth, pin her to the floor, then to back away, run at her full speed and send her flying in to the next room (or county).

Individual Events

Rug Swimming/Couch Swimming: The extra points in this competition come when your claws are particularly sharp and the rug or couch in question is either brand new or very old and valuable.

Shutter/Curtain Climbing: As with Rug and Couch Swimming, you can get extra points for sharp claws and expensive or irreplaceable curtains; additional bonus points come when you get yourself trapped on top of the curtains and force your humans to go to the garage and get out the step ladder. Outdoor cats can compete in this event using trees or rooftops, scoring especially well if the Fire Department is called.

Bed Burrowing

Laundry Nesting (can also be done in pairs): Higher points in this event if the laundry is clean and itís shedding season.

Projectile Vomiting: Any time, any place...bonus location points awarded as follows:
10 points - someplace where your humans are likely to walk barefoot in the middle of the night. Right in front of the bathroom door is perfect.
7 points - on the bed or a guestís coat
5 points - in the dining room during a dinner party

Ankle Biting

Contributions from Estevel Cooper (submitted by her humans, Barbara Cooper-Wattellier and Herve Wattellier)

Houseplant Eating: Bonus points if this is followed shortly by vomiting

Vase Tipping: the extra points in this event come if the water in the tipped vase soaks and destroys some important papers

Aluminum Ball Chasing and Fetching: bonus points for fetching balls that ricochet down the stairwell

Fly Chasing: The fly in this game can be real or imaginary; there are bonus points as follows:
5 points for each caught fly
10 points for half eaten fly
15 points for an imaginary fly that gets your human so concerned he looks for the fly swatter

Early Morning Body Toss: This event consists of throwing yourself repeatedly against a closed bedroom door early in the morning when you should have been fed hours ago...extra points for knocking all the towels off the rack in the kitchen and more extra points if you complete the event before 6:00am on a weekend

Contributions from Thea and Mrow (by way of their human, Jill Daly)

Kentucky Derby: Run up and down a long hallway (preferably uncarpeted), with your claws extended. Extra points for simultaneous yowling, especially when the humans are asleep.

Balance Beam: Can be performed on stair banisters, mantles, window ledges, backs of sofas. Extra points for hazardous conditions.

Food Snatching: Applies only to people food. Extra points for participating in this event when your humans have dinner guests. Can be performed prior to Projectile Vomiting.

Contributions from Vicki Bunnett for Butch, Bunny and Slim

Synchronized Vomiting: The key to this team event is making sure that your human knows well in advance you're planning to disgorge a hairball or your breakfast, and then to get as far away from your teammates as possible. Separate! This ensures that your human will be able to toss no more than one of you out onto the porch before the completion of the event.

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