Cat Haiku

Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
Elevator butt.
I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!
The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere
Will find in morning
Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.
Night. Now come night-mice.
I chase them 'round on loud feet.
You can't see them too?
Blur of motion, then --
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?
The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
Your foot just squashed one
You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.
My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.
Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?
Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around
Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner
Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My yelps will wake dead.
I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?
Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ...
Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"
Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink.
The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"
We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?
Here's one from me (HR):
The green eye opens.
Who dares to disturb my sleep?
I'll crap on your bed.

Date: September 01, 2003
From: Viki Leigh
Subject: A cat haiku for you to add

See the pretty lady
She scoops my poop
I call her mommy

Date: Sat 12/18/2004 5:50 PM
From: Rudolf Loewenstein
Subject: Fw: Cat Haiku

(Note: Poems in the green table cells are from me, Harold Reynolds)

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.
So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.
There's no dignity
In being sick -- which is why
I don't tell you where.
Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.
Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.
Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.
Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.
The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.
My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?
Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.
My affection is conditional.
Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.
Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.
I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.
So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."
Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.
My purring kitty.
Full of love, full of mischief...
Get off the counter!
Born to love and play.
The world is mine to explore.
I am a kitten.
Get up, lazy slug!
It is time to let me out,
Lest I wet your bed.
In and out I go.
Outside attracts and scares me.
You are my doorman.
Just keep it open.
The other side of the door
Is always better.

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