Wed, 2 Sep 1998
- Law of Cat Inertia
- A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside
force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Motion
- A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to
- Law of Cat Magnetism
- All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to
the darkness of the fabric.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics
- Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Stretching
- A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Law of Cat Sleeping
- All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Elongation
- A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that
has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Law of Cat Obstruction
- A cat must lie on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of
human foot traffic.
- Law of Cat Acceleration
- A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
- Law of Dinner Table Attendance
- Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Law of Rug Configuration
- No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
- Law of Obedience Resistance
- A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
- First Law of Energy Conservation
- Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore,
use as little energy as possible.
- Second Law of Energy Conservation
- Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
- Law of Refrigerator Observation
- If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take
out something good to eat.
- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
- Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
- Law of Random Comfort Seeking
- A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any
- Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
- All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest
- Law of Cat Embarrassment
- A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter.
- Law of Milk Consumption
- A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
- Law of Furniture Replacement
- A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the
- Law of Cat Landing
- A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of
an unsuspecting, reclining human.
- Law of Fluid Displacement
- A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk
- Law of Cat Disinterest
- A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a
human expends in trying to interest him.
- Law of Pill Rejection
- Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Law of Cat Composition
- A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.