Rules for "Roller Poopies"

Date: Sun, 29 Dec 1996
Subject: Re: Cat rules

Hi, Harold. Here are the rules on "Roller Poopies." Patty Jacobberger contrived them.

RULES FOR PLAY

1. One or more cats and/or kittens may compete.
2. Poopies used must be good and dry and preferably rounded and small in order to roll properly and fit into the various goals.
3. A non-carpeted floor should be used as the playing court (e.g. a cage floor, kitchen floor, bathroom floor, etc.)
4. To be played at night - just as owners are about to fall asleep.
5. Object of the game - 250 points to be scored within an 8-hour peiod of time, divided into 4 1-hour periods of play interchanged with 4 1-hour periods of rest.
6. If this game is played within the show hall, the cat MUST make certain that an audience of spectators and breeders is present. This is done to properly embarass the owner.

SCORING

1. Retrieval of poopies from potty pan:
   1. Two-paws retrieval............2 points
   2. One-paw retrieval.............5 points
   3. Retrieval of inadequate or mushy poopie.......Subtract 5 points
2. Dribbling poopies:
   1. Non-stop to within 4 feet of potty pan.....................3 points
   2. Non-stop across kitchen....................................5 points
   3. Non-stop from pan, through kitchen into living room........7 points
   4. Done in presence of owners dinner company.................10 points
3. Passing of poopies in the air at least two seconds:
   1. One kitty toss in the air.................3 points
   2. Completed forward pass....................5 points
   3. If poopie shatters on impact.............10 points
4. Goals in Roller Poopie:
   1. A. Under the stove or refrigerator............5 points
   2. B. Under furniture with 1" clearance.........10 points
   3. C. Dead center on food plate.................15 points
   4. D. Water dish................................25 points

Bonus points:

1. Water dish goals:
   1. For every hour before discovery............5 points
   2. If nearly disloved before discovery.......10 points
   3. If owner gags when dumping................15 points
2. For placing in 3am path to bathroom so owner steps on it in bare feet ..10 points
   1. If stepped on with fleshy part of arch......15 points
3. Movement of poopie up the stairs:
   1. With mouth (never observed)................5 points
   2. Using paws (one step at a time)...........15 points
   3. On wood steps between midnight and 6 a.m....20 points
4. Nighttime bonus:
   1. After lights out...........................5 points
   2. After 2 a.m.................................10 points
   3. If owner confiscates and cat gets another in play within 10 minutes..15 points

As you probably guessed, the are DEGREES OF DIFFICULTY points that can be awarded - but that another story.

Tell Patty thanks and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. I always wondered what the name of the game my Birman kittens were playing was called.

Jennifer Goodman
Macbir Birmans