My Diplomacy Non-Poetry: Diplomacy Carols

Christmas Carols with a Diplomacy Twist

Starting in mid-December of 2017, I started thinking about how I could give some popular Christmas carols a Diplomatic spin. Given that I'd just lost my job less than a month ago, I had plenty of time on my hands. The results are what you see below. They got published in The Diplomatic Pouch.

Stabbing Bells [Nov 29, 2017]

Dashing through the board,
Crushing all my foes,
Causing much discord,
And treading on their toes.

This is not a dream,
Since grabbing lots of dots,
And making bad guys scream,
Is giving me the hots.

Oh! Stabbing bells, stabbing bells,
Clang with howls of pain.
Watch and learn as I triumph,
And crush you all again!

I wish that this were true,
It's definitely not.
I feel a sense of doom,
Since neighbours won't be bought.

I know I want to be a
Mighty Dip hotshot,
But when you're stuck with Austria,
Then hope is all you've got.

Oh! Austria, Austria,
You know when you're screwed.
You can deal with one neighbour,
But not with three or two.

Diplomacy (O Christmas Tree) [Dec 7-8]

Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
Why do I keep on playing?
Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
Why do I keep on playing?

I start each game so full of hopes,
But all too soon, I'm on the ropes.
Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
Why do I keep on playing?

Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
My only hope is praying.
Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
My only hope is praying.

My neighbours don't want to be friends,
Alliances meet sticky ends.
Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
My only hope is praying.

Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
Why are you so addictive?
Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
Why are you so addictive?

There's one advantage to my plight:
I can drink beer throughout the night.
Diplomacy, Diplomacy,
Why are you so addictive?

Hark the Herald Dipper Cries [Dec 13-14]

Hark! the Herald Dipper cries:
It is time to spout your lies.
Peace on earth, goodwill to men
Don't exist in game host's den.

Powers rise and Powers fail.
Through alliance and betrayal.
Who put the lie in alliance?
You deserve a kick in your pants!

Hark! the current game is done.
We can't wait for the next one.

Deck the Board [Dec 16-17]

Deck the board with fleets and armies.
We are gonna play Diplomacy.
Normal people think we're barmy.
We will prove you wrong, just wait and see.

Just for fun we'll stab our neighbours,
And we'll howl with rage when they stab us.
Revenge has got a nice flavour.
Wait a minute where are all my dots?

Get your units off of my land!
I'm the one who should be stomping you!
This is what I don't understand:
Even though I lose, I want to play.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Dipper [Dec 20]

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Dipper
Thought he had a clever plan.
He'd get his neighbours fighting,
And move his armies to their lands.

All of the other Powers
Looked as though they'd go along.
But when the moves were read out,
He found out that he was wrong.

All his clever moves had bounced
Neighbours were not fooled.
As his hopes came crashing down,
He just sat and stared and drooled.

He saw his empire crumble,
As his neighbours laughed with glee.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Dipper
Cannot win Diplomacy!

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