Redneck Computer Terms

A combination of files received on Wed, 16 Apr 1997, Wed, 4 Feb 1998, and Wed, 10 Jun 1998.
Backup What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bar Code Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.
Bit A wager, as in, "I bit you cain't spit that chaw acrosst the porch longways."
Bug The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte Whut them flys do; First word in a kiss-off phrase;
What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
Cache Needed when you run out of food stamps.
Chip Munchies fer the TV; Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Crash When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Cursor What some guys do when they're mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
Digital The art of counting on your fingers.
Digital Control What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
Diskette Female Disco dancer.
Dot Matrix Ole Dan Matrix's wife.
Download Getting the farwood out of the pickup.
Edit Whut ya did with dessert.
Enter Northern talk fer "y'all c'mon in".
Fax What you lie about to the IRS.
Floppy When you run out of Polygrip.
Floppy Disk Whatcha git from trying to carry too much farwood.
Hacker Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hard Drive Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires while pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
Hardcopy Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard That thing with hooks to hang your truck keys.
LAN To borrow, as in, "Hey, Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
Laptop Whar the kitty sleeps.
Log Off Don't add no more wood.
Log on Making a wood stove hotter.
Mac Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Main Frame What holds up the barn ruf.
Megahertz When yer not careful getting the farwood or any time I get offended, someone will;
How your head feels after 17 beers.
Micro Chip Whut's left in the munchie bag.
Modem What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
Monitor Keeping an eye on the woodstove.
Mouse Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
Mouse Pad Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line; Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
Online Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
Packet What you do to a suitcase or Wal-mart bag afore a trip.
Port Fancy flatlander wine.
Prompt Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
RAM That thing whut splits the farwood.
Random Access Memory When ya cain't member whut ya paid fer yer rifle when yor wife asks.
Reboot What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
ROM Delicious when you mix it with coca cola; Where the pope lives.
Screen Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
SCSI What you call your week-old underwear.
Serial Port A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Software Them plastic forks and knives.
Superconductor Amtrak's Employee of the year.
Terminal Time to call the undertaker.
Window Place in your truck to hang your guns.
Windows Whut to shut when it's cold outside.

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