Date Received: Thu, 26 Mar 1998

The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in by labeling African American slang as the language "Ebonics," has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics", as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

Word Part of speechMeaning and usage
ALLnounA petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
BAMMERnounThe State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
BARDverbPast tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
BAREnounAn alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BOB WAR noun A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
DIDadjective Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EARnoun A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear"
FARnoun A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
FARNadjectiveNot local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be from some farn country."
FATnoun, verb 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
GUMMITNounA bureaucratic institution
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
HAZEa contraction Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
HIRE YEWComplete sentenceRemainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hire yew?"
IGNERTadjectiveNot smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert"
JAWJUHnounThe State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
JEW HERENoun and verb contraction Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
MUNTSnounA calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
RANCHnounA tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
RATSnoun Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
RETARDVerb To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
SEEDverb, past tense of "to see".Usage: See "View"
TARnoun A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
THANKverbAbility to cognitively process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
TIREnoun A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
VIEWcontraction: verb and pronoun.Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?"

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