The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in by labeling African American slang as the language "Ebonics," has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics", as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
| Word | Part of speech | Meaning and usage |
|---|---|---|
| ALL | noun | A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." |
| BAMMER | noun | The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements." |
| BARD | verb | Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." |
| BARE | noun | An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." |
| BOB WAR | noun | A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." |
| DID | adjective | Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." |
| EAR | noun | A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear" |
| FAR | noun | A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far." |
| FARN | adjective | Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be from some farn country." |
| FAT | noun, verb | 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh." |
| GUMMIT | Noun | A bureaucratic institution Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert." |
| HAZE | a contraction | Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf." |
| HEIDI | noun | Greeting |
| HIRE YEW | Complete sentence | Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hire yew?" |
| IGNERT | adjective | Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert" |
| JAWJUH | noun | The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." |
| JEW HERE | Noun and verb contraction | Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?" |
| MUNTS | noun | A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts." |
| RANCH | noun | A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." |
| RATS | noun | Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats." |
| RETARD | Verb | To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65." |
| SEED | verb, past tense of "to see". | Usage: See "View" |
| TAR | noun | A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." |
| THANK | verb | Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare." |
| TIRE | noun | A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." |
| VIEW | contraction: verb and pronoun. | Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?" |
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