Assorted Redneck Jokes

Date Received: Thu, 8 Jan 1998

Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
3 dollars a year for a million years.

What do a Divorce in Alabama, a Tornado in Kansas and a Hurricane in Florida have in common?
Somebody's fixin' to lose them a house trailer.

Why do Alabamans go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
Nobody admitted 17 and under.

What do you get when you have 32 Alabamans in the same room?
A full set of teeth.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?
Everyone has the same DNA.

A new law was passed in Alabama recently: when a couple gets a divorce, they're still brother and sister.

Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one Alabaman says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guess how many there are, can I have one?" "I'll give you both of them." "OK. Umm, five?"

An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"

The Alabaman and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?" she asked. "No," he replied. A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?" "No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."

A Alabaman hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The Alabaman noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls while I drive." "Boy," exclaimed the Alabaman, "these Lincoln Continentals have everything, don't they?"

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down? Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Not really a redneck joke, but still funny. 8-)

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me, a shark bit my leg off"
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well," replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."

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