Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...

Date Received: Sun, 17 Mar 1996

  1. He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
  2. He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
  3. He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil.
  4. He insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
  5. He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
  6. He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.
  7. He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.
  8. He paints the starship John Deere green.
  9. He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.
  10. He refers to Klingons as "Critters".
  11. He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
  12. He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special".
  13. He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp".
  14. He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.
  15. He says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".
  16. He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
  17. He sets phaser to "Cajun".
  18. He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster".
  19. He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen".
  20. He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
  21. His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies.
  22. His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls.
  23. His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale.
  24. You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
  25. Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.

This page last updated .