>>Ol' Ralph, he was a Collie, and he was too stupid to walk and bark at the same time. And since he was a Collie, he barked and whined almost all the time (sorry in advance, you people with smart, quiet Collies).
>Smart - maybe, quiet - NOOOOOOOO! Those beasts just CAN'T keep their traps shut. Everything in the universe deserves their comment. I own one of these trouble-makers; he barks even in his sleep (at whom, I wonder?...)
>The other endearing detail is that he seems to have no idea about the length of his shnozz (this part of his body is obscenely long and can't be named 'nose'). If he stands in a doorway and somebody calls him from behind, the next sound you hear is WHAMMMM! The first time I saw the trick I was afraid that the poor thing would splash his brains all over the porch. Nothing happened. Guess there's not much to splash. :-)
Ralph did this.... WHACK!! Over and over.... You could be throwing a ball for him in the house, near a corner, and he would whirl and SMACK his nose on the corner EVERY TIME. Duh.....
Ralph was running along side his person (who was on a motor cycle) one time, and ran headfirst into a barbwire fence. Put a hole right into his head. He never noticed, but we were really surprised that his little head didn't implode.....
My Corgi, who is 27 pounds to Ralph's 67, and a little over a third of his height, has a wider head than Ralph's. Not RELATIVELY wider, ACTUALLY wider.... Of course he's dumb, there's no *room* in ther for any brains....
"Not much there to splash" is about the size of it, I think.....
>of these trouble-makers; he barks even in his sleep (at whom, I wonder?...)
Ha ha! Mine don't seem that noisy - but they're the first dogs I've ever had for myself... Anyway, Mister was having a rather vivid dream. It was vivid enough that he barked out loud in his sleep (as opposed to a sort of mumbled bark). It woke him up and scared him enough that he jumped up and backed himself into a corner, trembling for a little while before he realized where he was.
Diane Mathews
We once had an Old English Sheepdog. If it was raining, she would refuse
to go out and would want to hold it all day. But if it was thundering, she
didn't care if it was raining and would stay out in the rain forever running
around and barking at the thunder until we yelled enough and she came in.
Pat Daugherty
I could never question the intelligence of my dogs in public. You should hear the stories they could tell about me but are to kind to tell.
My Dalmation, Maya, of 14.5 years died in November of 1993 ... and she wasn't stupid ... but she sure was funny!
For example: she LOVED ice, snow, and the cold. Living in Minnesota, we had an abundance of all three.
It started innocently enough: a taste for ice cubes from the freezer. The October rolled around and we had our first big snow and freeze. Maya would go out and eat icicles and snow until we had to carry her back in, with her tummy shivering violently like a little refridgerator.
She did learn how to fetch icicles, though. I never knew another dog who
could do that.
Hope
A few days ago, I was sitting on the couch watching a college hoops game. My dog was under the couch, hangin' out. Suddenly, the light on the floor lamp next to me shut off, the room became enshrouded in darkness, and my dog started yelping very loudly and very uncontrollably, obviously in intense pain. I yanked the lamp cord from the wall, and upon examination discovered that, yes, she had chewed through the damn thing. She spent the rest of the day hiding under the bed.
A Hideously Aggressive BFG) writes:
>The Des Moines Register recently announced a contest for the Stupidest
Dog in Iowa. Being a plagarist, I decided to swipe this idea and pick the
.net's collective brain for your cretinous canine stories. Nothing cruel,
like how you laughed when your dog's tongue got a little too close to the
sewing machine.
Well, keeping with my belief that cats are far dumber than dogs, I'll add this:
When I was growing up, we had a 10 acre pasture behind our house where we kept our horses. To keep the horses in, we used 2 strands wire attached to an electric fence charger. The bottom strand was only about 1.5 feet off the ground (the top strand was about 4 feet). One day, right after it had rained and the ground was nice and wet, one of our cats was walking out to the barn (to chase mice?) and a rather proud manner (ie. his tail was sticking straight up in the air). As he went under the fence, his tail touched the wire and gave him a momentary shock (the strength of this fence was enough to knock us kids on our backside, but do no permanent damage). Well this shock made the cat mad, so he turned around and bit the fence! Well, since the ground was wet, the cat was just frozen there. Fortunately, my dad was standing right there and grabbed both sides of the wire (taking the shock himself) and gave the wire a good shake, knocking the cat off.
The cat was never quite the same again. Sometimes, without warning, he would take off running through the house and crash into a wall. You could even say that part of his brain had been fried. Of course, for 2 teenage boys, this was absolutely hysterical!
(Victoria Neff) writes:
>Ol' Ralph, he was a Collie, and he was
too stupid to walk and bark at the same time. And since he was a Collie,
he barked and whined almost all the time (sorry in advance, you people
with smart, quiet Collies).
Smart - maybe, quiet - NOOOOOOOO! Those beasts just CAN'T keep their traps shut. Everything in the universe deserves their comment. I own one of these trouble-makers; he barks even in his sleep (at whom, I wonder?...)
The other endearing detail is that he seems to have no idea about the length of his shnozz (this part of his body is obscenely long and can't be named 'nose'). If he stands in a doorway and somebody calls him from behind, the next sound you hear is WHAMMMM! The first time I saw the trick I was afraid that the poor thing would splash his brains all over the porch. Nothing happened. Guess there's not much to splash. :-)
>for 2 teenage boys, this was absolutely hysterical!
My cat Max is an adopted stray. Sometimes he'll stare at a door frame for awhile, jump up it, then run away. Bella has learned to anticipate this behavior, and usually watches Max in preparation of pursuing him as he runs off.
At least Bella has learned to stay off the door frames :-)
Janice, Bella's Mommy
Hee hee, I have to tell you about silly Buttons, the crazy Dalmation. She eats entire packs of gum, stick of butter,etc. Once she got a whole loaf of French bread. One time we got a Boston cream pie for my Dad's birthday, and we went in to the kitchen to get candles for it, stupidly leaving the cake on the dining room table. We came back about 30 seconds later and the cake was GONE! she ate the whole thing. If my Mom is on the phone, Buttons barks at her (Mom) until mom gets off the phone. Once we were playing with a Super Ball and we threw it; buttons came running, jumped up, and gloonk! It went down the hatch, she swallowed it whole! (I won't tell you where we next saw it). One time we were eating dinner (I didn't get to see this, I deeply regret, cause I was at school, but my Mom told me about it) and my Mom threw a piece of bread into the kitchen where Buttons was begging. Buttons ran to get it, WAILED her head into a cabinet REALLY HARD: WHANNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!! but she didn't miss a stride, she ricocheted off the cabinet, kept going, grabbed the bread and ate it. It didn't faze her at all. Talk about a thick skull! When we finish dinner, she sits and barks at us until we clear the table, obviously hoping to get a piece of the action. What a silly dog, I could go on and on... And wait till Stupid Cat Stories when I tell you about the poor,late Jericho (R.I.P.) Jessica Racusin NOTE: Robert J. is my Dad, I am using his account while on break. I'm his daughter.
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