Graduate Student Jokes

The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students

-- taken from the Harvard Crimson

10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
3. The department is giving me so much support.
2. My job prospects look really good.
1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Assistants:

5. I'm not going to grant any extensions.
4. Call me any time. I'm always available.
3. It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.
2. Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
1. My other section is much better prepared than you guys.

You just might be a graduate student if... can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
...your office is better decorated than your apartment. have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet. are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read. have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar. rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline. have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event. have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours." actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche. can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library. look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes. regard ibuprofen as a vitamin. consider all papers to be works in progress.
...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore. find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text. have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area. have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation. reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation. find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade". start refering to stories like "Snow White et al." frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy look forward to taking some time off to do laundry have more photocopy cards than credit cards wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication"

This page last updated .