Wisdom from the Bathroom Wall

Date Received: Thu, 4 Feb 1999

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C.

I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass.

If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice.
Smoky Joe's, Philadelphia, Penna.

Remember, it's not "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?".
Rest stop off Route 81, W. Va.

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
Men's restroom, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N.C.

To do is to be. (Descartes) To be is to do. (Voltaire) Do be do be do. (Frank Sinatra)
Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Ariz.

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Ariz.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Ariz.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both - get married!
Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Mont.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books, New York, N.Y.

A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Tex.

JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
Men's restroom, American University, Washington, D.C.

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men's restroom, House of Representatives, Washington, D.C.

Express Lane: Five beers or less. Sign over one of the urinals.
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, Ariz.

You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,Calif.

No wonder you always go home alone. Sign over mirror in men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,Calif.

What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, Ky.