|How can you tell when you're in bed with Count Dracula?
He has a big D on his pajamas.
|How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.
|How does the silly witch know what time it is?
She looks at her witch-watch.
|What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
|What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?
Frankenfurters with Ketchup.
|What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until you're spooken to.
|What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
|What do witches use on their hair?
|What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.
|What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference? Pumpkin Pi.
|What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
|What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A Boo-logna sandwich.
|What does a vampire fear most?
|What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed.
|What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
|What is as sharp as a vampire's fang?
His other fang.
|What is Transylvania?
|What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A blood vessel.
|What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
|What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
|What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
|What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
|What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
|What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?
|What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
They boo-kle their seatbelts.
|Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank.
|Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
|Where do mummies go for a swim?
The Dead Sea.
|Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie.
|Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
|Why are monsters huge, hairy, and ugly?
Because if they were small, round, and smooth they'd be M&Ms.
|Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
|Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
|Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack.
|Why did the mummy call the doctor?
Because he was coffin.
|Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.
|Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
|Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
|Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones.
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