|Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle.
|Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
|What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
|Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
|Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
|What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
|What do ghosts serve for dessert?
|What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
|What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
|What's a haunted chicken?
|How can you tell when you're in bed with Count Dracula?
He has a big D on his pajamas.
|What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?
|Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack.
|Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
|What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
|Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
|Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
|What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
|What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A wash and wear wolf.
|What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
They boo-kle their seatbelts.
|What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
|What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.
|Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&Ms.
|Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
|How did the Great Pumpkin fix the hole in his pants?
With a pumpkin patch.
|What do witches use on their hair?
|What is as sharp as a vampire's fang?
His other fang.
|What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Twick or Tweet.
|What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
|Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones.
|What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
|What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
|Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.
|What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
|Why did the mummy call the doctor?
Because he was coffin.
|What does a vampire fear most?
|Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank.
|What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?
Frankenfurters with Ketchup.
|Where do mummies go for a swim?
To the dead sea.
|What is Transylvania?
|Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie.
|What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A blood vessel.
|How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.
|What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by it's circumference?
|Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
|Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
|What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A BOO-logna sandwich.
|How does the silly witch know what time it is?
She looks at her witch-watch.
|What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.
|What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
|Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
|What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed.
|If a ghost wants to make a comeback, does it use a boo-merang?||Should you be worried if a zombie starts singing "Footloose"?|
|Does an emotional zombie wear his heart on his sleeve?||What do zombies put on their Halloween roasts? Grave-y. (And we shouldn't ask what the roast is…)|
|The Ghost Choir sings haunting melodies.||Rewatching the movie Halloween gives me a feeling of déjà boo.|
|What does a bird say on Halloween? "Trick or tweet!"||If a railway engineer were to become a vampire, would he be called Count Trackula?|
|A Russian prison for the undead would be called a ghoulag.||Are ghosts alcoholics because they like boos?|
|Is the favourite vintage TV show of ghosts Hee-Haunt?||In the US Deep South, do cannibals eat their soup with crackers?|
|An elevator makes ghosts happy because it lifts the spirits.||The Westin hotel chain has opened a new hotel for zombies just in time for Halloween: the Westin Peace.|
|What scary things do ghosts wear on their feet? Boots.||For Halloween, I will get a brain gelatine mold, fill it with grape Jello, and dedicate it to Prince. It'll be a Purple Brain.|
|What is a skeleton's favourite fruit? A bone-ana.||Undead hockey and soccer teams have ghoulies to guard the net.|
|The Undead Hockey League cleans its ice rinks with Zombonis.||If Dr. Van Helsing were to incorporate Vampire Hunters Inc, who would be the stakeholders?|
|A Halloween flower arrangement is a boo-quet.||What do NRA supporters say for Halloween? "Trigger Treat!"|
|If Marvel Comics gets desperate for a new character, they can create a zombie superhero who plays hand bells. They could call him Dead Ringer.||When zombies want to fight, do they throw hands?|
|When the zombie armies finish fighting and declare a cease-fire, do any of them ask "Who's armistice?"|
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