The Canonical List of "Hot Cross Puns"

Below is listed my collection of "Hot Cross Puns" (I stole this name from a book somewhere). If you have any others, please send them to me. And please, don't bother with the ones that end in A*B*sin(theta), or mountain climber is a scalar!

A. What do you get when you cross...

  1. A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.
  2. A canary with a mole? A miner bird.
  3. A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
  4. A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.
  5. A chicken with a cement truck? A brick layer.
  6. A dog with a cantaloupe? A melon-collie baby. (d)
  7. A dog with a chicken? A hen that lays pooched eggs.
  8. A dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.
  9. A dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
  10. A duck with a steamroller? A flat duck.
  11. A fawn with a hornet? Bambee.
  12. A gorilla and a sheep? A very nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too long. (a)
  13. A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops.
  14. A hedghog and a snake? Two yards of barbed wire. (c)
  15. A hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger.
  16. A kangaroo with a sheep? A wooly jumper. (b)
  17. A movie with a swimming pool? A dive-in theater.
  18. A parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
  19. A pig with a cactus? A porkerpine.
  20. A pit bull with a collie? A dog that bites your leg off and runs for help.
  21. A policeman with a telegram? Copper wire.
  22. A potato with an onion? A potato with watery eyes.
  23. A rabbit with a kilt? Hopscotch.
  24. A spider with a rabbit? A hare net.
  25. A termite with a house? An exterminator.
  26. A tiger with a needle? Pin stripes.
  27. A tree with a baseball player? Babe Root.
  28. A vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
  29. A vulture with a small grass house? A scavenger hut.
  30. An Eskimo with a pig? A polar boar.
  31. An Indian with a cow? Geronimoo.
  32. An evangelist with a hockey puck? A puck that saves itself.
  33. An owl with a goat? A hootenanny.
  34. Telly Sevalas with a pool table? A billiard bald.
  35. The Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Half way.
  36. The Green Giant with Robin Hood? A Hoe-Bow.

B. What do you get when you cross an elephant with...

(This also appears in my Elephant Jokes file)

  1. A beaver? Hoover Dam.
  2. A cat? Something that purrs as it squashes you.
  3. A dairy cow? Peanut butter.
  4. A duck and a light bulb? A huge electric bill.
  5. A fish? Swimming trunks.
  6. A frisbee? A hernia.
  7. A grape? Cos(Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| = |grape| = 1
  8. A jack o'lantern? A huge pumpkin with a fire extinguisher.
  9. A kangaroo? Bloody great holes all over Australia.
  10. A mountain climber? Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.
  11. A mouse? Very large holes in the baseboard.
  12. A peach? A ten-ton ball of fuzz charging at you.
  13. A rhinoceros? Elephino!
  14. A sheep? Enough wool to knit a skyscraper.
  15. A shotgun? An elephant with a double-barrelled trunk.
  16. A skin doctor? A pachydermatologist.
  17. A skunk? Very few friends.
  18. A Volkswagen? A little car with a big trunk.
  19. A whale? A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
  20. An ant? A dead ant.
  21. Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants? None of the offspring survived.
  22. Peanut butter? Either peanut butter that never forgets or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
  23. What does the cross between a parrot and an elephant say? "Polly want a cracker ... NOW!"

Thanks to the following contributors:

(a) Mark Bernstein
(b) Paul Kolenbrander
(c) Thomas Sundell
(d) Gary Dilbeck

This page last updated .