Below is listed my collection of "Hot Cross Puns" (I stole this name from a book
somewhere). If you have any others, please send them to me. And please, don't
bother with the ones that end in A*B*sin(theta), or mountain climber is a scalar!
A. What do you get when you cross...
- A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.
- A canary with a mole? A miner bird.
- A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
- A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.
- A dog with a cantaloupe? A melon-collie baby. (d)
- A dog with a chicken? A hen that lays pooched eggs.
- A dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.
- A dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
- A duck with a steamroller? A flat duck.
- A fawn with a hornet? Bambee.
- A gorilla and a sheep? A very nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too long. (a)
- A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops.
- A hedghog and a snake? Two yards of barbed wire. (c)
- A hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger.
- A kangaroo with a sheep? A wooly jumper. (b)
- A movie with a swimming pool? A dive-in theater.
- A parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
- A pig with a cactus? A porkerpine.
- A pit bull with a collie? A dog that bites your leg off and runs for help.
- A policeman with a telegram? Copper wire.
- A potato with an onion? A potato with watery eyes.
- A rabbit with a kilt? Hopscotch.
- A spider with a rabbit? A hare net.
- A termite with a house? An exterminator.
- A tiger with a needle? Pin stripes.
- A tree with a baseball player? Babe Root.
- A vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
- A vulture with a small grass house? A scavenger hut.
- An Eskimo with a pig? A polar boar.
- An Indian with a cow? Geronimoo.
- An evangelist with a hockey puck? A puck that saves itself.
- An owl with a goat? A hootenanny.
- Telly Sevalas with a pool table? A billiard bald.
- The Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Half way.
- The Green Giant with Robin Hood? A Hoe-Bow.
B. What do you get when you cross an elephant with...
(This also appears in my Elephant Jokes file)
- A beaver? Hoover Dam.
- A cat? Something that purrs as it squashes you.
- A dairy cow? Peanut butter.
- A duck and a light bulb? A huge electric bill.
- A frisbee? A hernia.
- A grape? Cos(Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| = |grape| = 1
- A jack o'lantern? A huge pumpkin with a fire extinguisher.
- A kangaroo? Bloody great holes all over Australia.
- A mountain climber? Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.
- A mouse? Very large holes in the baseboard.
- A peach? A ten-ton ball of fuzz charging at you.
- A rhinoceros? Elephino!
- A sheep? Enough wool to knit a skyscraper.
- A shotgun? An elephant with a double-barrelled trunk.
- A skin doctor? A pachydermatologist.
- A skunk? Very few friends.
- A Volkswagen? A little car with a big trunk.
- A whale? A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
- An ant? A dead ant.
- Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants? None of the offspring survived.
- Peanut butter? Either peanut butter that never forgets or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
- What does the cross between a parrot and an elephant say? "Polly want a cracker ... NOW!"
Thanks to the following contributors:
(a) Mark Bernstein
(b) Paul Kolenbrander
(c) Thomas Sundell
(d) Gary Dilbeck