Medical Terminology For The Layman

Date Received: Thu, 16 Apr 1998

ANALLY: occurring yearly
ANTIBODY: against everyone
ARTERY: the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria
BANDAGES: The Rolling Stones
BARIUM: what you do when CPR fails
BENIGN: what you be after you be eight
BOTULISM: tendency to make mistakes
BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her
COLIC: a sheep dog
COMA: a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL: friendly
CORTIZONE: the local courthouse
D & C: where Washington is
DIARRHEA: journal of daily events
DILATE: to live longer
ENEMA: not a friend
ENTERITIS: a penchant for burglary
ER: the things on your head that you hear with
FESTER: quicker
FIBRILLATE: to tell lies
FIBULA: a small lie
GENES: blue denim slacks
GENITAL: non-Jewish
G.I. SERIES: baseball games between teams of soldiers
GRIPPE: what you do to a suitcase
HANGNAIL: a coathook
HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space
HERPES: what women do in the Ladies Room
HORMONES: what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
ICU: peek-a-boo
IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known
INPATIENT: tired of waiting
INTENSE PAIN: torture in a teepee
LABOR PAIN: hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF: a doctor's cane
MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's
MORBID: a higher offer
NITRATE: lower than day rate
NODE: was aware of
ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move
ORGANIC: church musician
OUTPATIENT: a person who has fainted
PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories
PAP SMEAR: fatherhood test
PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go
PELVIS: cousin of Elvis
PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PLASTER CAST: the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert
POST-OPERATIVE: a mail deliverer
PROSTATE: flat on your back
PROTEIN: in favour of young people
RECOVERY ROOM: place to upholster furniture
RECTUM: damn near killed him
RHEUMATIC: amorous
SALINE: where you go on your boyfriend's boat
SCAR: rolled tobacco leaf
SECRETION: hiding anything
SEIZURE: Roman emperor
SEROLOGY: study of English knighthood
SURGERY: a reason to get an uninterruptable power supply
STERILE SOLUTION: not using the elevator during a fire
TABLET: a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport
TIBIA: country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR: an extra pair
URINE: opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE: very close
VEIN: conceited

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