Pun Tests, Part 4

Geography Test 18

Geography Test #18! No way! Yes way. As you are undoubtedly accustomed to
doing, fill in each blank with one of the words listed below.

 1. "Is it fake?" "No, it ____________."

 2. "I walked 10 km to meet you!" "Wow, ____________ a long way!"

 3. A very edible island chain is called the ____________ Islands.

 4. "Come on, we have to go!" "Just a ____________! I have to put
  away my atlas!"
 5. "Len is a terrific musician." "Yes, but can ____________?"

 6. "If dogs bark and sheep bleat, what do cats do?" "____________."

 7. "I have decided to call the process of writing Geography Pun Tests
  'Oming'." "____________? ...Oh, never mind!"
 8. On this island, one may see cows wearing shirts. ____________

 9. The people in this Texas town are not crazy, just ____________.

10. It's very hard to hit people in ____________.

11. You are himst, I ____________.

12. A summer camp for Moslems could be called ____________.

13. The opposite of a huge soda is a ____________.

14. "Because you students have been getting bad grades, ____________
  now you will be getting more homework!"
15. Lots of robberies and assaults occur in the ____________.

16. "Now we ____________ down to sleep; we pray the Lord our souls to
  keep."
17. People in ____________ love to run to work.

18. "Hey, dude! What's happening?" "____________, I'm doing Geography
  Pun Tests!"
19. One can always find a copy of "Paradise Lost" in ____________.

20. This Scottish river is letter-perfect. ____________

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Amherst    f) Dee           k) Lansing      p) Minot
b) Azov       g) Dodge City    l) Laos         q) Sandwich
c) Casper     h) Israel        m) Marathon     r) Utrecht
d) Cayman     i) Jersey        n) Milton       s) Waco
e) Crimea     j) Kampala       o) Minnesota    t) Wyoming

                By Harold Reynolds
                September 2, 1991
                      -46-
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Anatomy Test 3

Do lewd anatomy jokes constitude "bawdy" humor? Nothing's lewd here, so be
brave and fill each blank with one of the words listed below.

 1. It isn't fair! Why do I have to always ____________ the blame?

 2. I like the great outdoors, where there's lots of ___________ room.

 3. At the ____________ of sounding crazy, I like Anatomy Pun Tests.

 4. There are spots available in the dissection course? Well,
  ____________ up for it!
 5. "Help! I'm holding a live grenade!" "Well, ___________ far away!"

 6. "...My Anna lies over the ocean; Oh bring back my ____________..."

 7. "___________ story to us!" "Ok kids, how about The Magic Kneecap?"

 8. Grammatically incorrect sequence: bad, ____________, baddest.

 9. "This is my tree!" "No way! This is ____________!"

10. What a pilot tells an overambitious Date Received: "The ____________ is the
  limit!"
11. "Mr. Sepps is thirsty!" "Well, ____________ a drink!"

12. One should use a ____________ to tie up a pig.

13. An item frequently found removed from a medical text is the
  ____________.
14. "Where is Mike? He said he'd ____________ 20 minutes ago!"

15. What the god Thor used to cut down trees. ____________

16. "I don't want to!" "I really must in-____________."

17. "Thank goodness you've come! You got here just in the ___________
  of time!"
18. Before operating, an endocrinologist might say "____________ ho!"

19. Does a lame doctor walk with a ____________?

20. Killer dentists shoot people with ____________.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Anatomy     f) Cyst        k) Lymph       p) Sinus
b) Artery      g) Elbow       l) Meatus      q) Thigh
c) Appendix    h) Gland       m) Neck        r) Thorax
d) Biceps      i) Gums        n) Patella     s) Throat
e) Bladder     j) Hamstring   o) Shoulder    t) Wrist

                By Harold Reynolds
                September 2, 1991
                      -47-
Return to Index

Geography Test 19

As usual, fill in each blank with one of the words listed below. (What else is
there to say?)

 1. "Miss Voss has a really high, squeaky voice." "Yes, it can some-
  times be really painful to hear Miss ____________."
 2. An ____________ is a place ships can stop out in the ocean.

 3. "Nan doesn't know how to put the sheet on the bed." "____________
  under the corners like in the hospitals."
 4. This town is known as the "Invoice Capital of the U.S.A."
  ____________
 5. Where to go to live life in the "fast lane". ____________

 6. "Kelly O'Raddoe is a nice girl. Why don't you ____________ and
  ask her out to the Geography Prom?"
 7. The Great Rope Swindle soon became known as the ____________.

 8. What does a Cambodian write with? A ____________.

 9. This is a scary part of the world to be in. ____________

10. "Hold it! The Ace of Spades has already been played! Let's see
  that ____________!"
11. "Where's Dad?" "He's in the kitchen ____________ dinner."

12. Geographers like to dance the two-____________.

13. I don't like fancy atlases. ____________ ones are the best.

14. This Russian river is the place to be at sunrise. ____________

15. During "Role Reversal Day", the boss can be ordered around. For
  example: "____________ all a cup of coffee."
16. Geography meets baseball: "Hey, you! ____________ next at bat!"

17. We may have come a long way, but we still ____________ way to go.

18. "But can Lou survive all those Pun Tests?" "If anybody can do it,
  ____________."
19. To close the jar, tighten the ____________.

20. Please, have ____________! No more Geography Pun Tests!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Anchorage    f) Cape Fear   k) Lucan        p) Plain
b) Avalon       g) Colorado    l) Lydd         q) Phnom Penh
c) Billings     h) Concord     m) Macon        r) Rapid City
d) Bosporous    i) Don         n) Mersey       s) Steppe
e) Cardigan     j) Europe      o) Nantucket    t) Vostok

                By Harold Reynolds
                September 21, 1991
                      -48-
Return to Index

Geography Test 20

And you thought it couldn't be done! As usual, fill in each blank with one of
the words listed below.

 1. People always know what date it is in this Northern Ontario town.
  ____________
 2. A familiar clich‚ of interior British Columbia: "Where there's
  life, there's ____________."
 3. A disorderly mob of people in the South Pacific is a ____________.

 4. If Noah were reincarnated, he could go to New Jersey to build a
  ____________.
 5. "I like to burn wasp nests!" "You must be from ____________."

 6. This is a very spooky lake. ____________

 7. Sarah's fondness for cream soda got her the nickname ____________.

 8. When Jack met Jill, he ____________ over with his charm and wit.

 9. You and your brother Mel were born in different hospitals. In
  which was ____________?
10. I didn't mean to break the atlas! It was an ____________!

11. After the Great Open-Air Baking Competition, the meadow became
  known as the ____________.
12. The Church of the Sacred Acorn can be found in ____________.

13. The Instant Teller machines at the Geography Fair quickly became
  known as the ____________.
14. Don't blame me for the earthquake! It's not my ____________!

15. "Where on earth would people put a diving board in a shopping
  mall?" "In the ____________ Islands, of course."
16. Friends from the ____________ Islands will always stand by you.

17. I hate taking the subway. It always takes a while to ____________
  myself after I get off.
18. The question is, ____________ do any more Geography Pun Tests
  without going berserk?
19. "How can we lose? Investing in British Columbia bonds is a
  ____________ opportunity to make money!"
20. A headache caused by awful trumpet playing is called a __________.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Bakersfield   f) Fairbanks  k) Hornpayne    p) Newark
b) Boulder       g) Fault      l) Kenai        q) Occident
c) Burnaby       h) Golden     m) Loyalty      r) Orient
d) Callander     i) Holyoke    n) Maldive      s) Rabaul
e) Erie          j) Hope       o) Melbourne    t) Sarasota

                By Harold Reynolds
                October 14, 1991
                       -49-
Return to Index

Geography Test 21

How could there possibly be 21 Geography pun tests? Don't fight, don't
complain. Just fill in each blank with one of the words below.

 1. "Let's hear it for Zimbabwe! Hip, hip, ____________!"

 2. "Haw! Is that a suntan or did you fall in the mud?" This nasty
  comment could be called a ____________.
 3. When Sarah wrapped herself in a bed sheet, it was promptly dubbed
  the ____________.
 4. The act of dipping a doughnut into one's coffee is defined by
  geographers as ____________.
 5. How to greet Fong in Vietnam: "____________!"

 6. A once popular geography song: "This land is your land, this land
  is ____________ ..."
 7. "Aw, c'mon! ____________?" "No! Not until Christmas!"

 8. From a geographer parent: "Baby want a dwink of ____________?"

 9. My sister wants to balance an atlas on her nose while juggling
  three globes? Boy, is ____________!
10. All other things being equal, a bear prefers a ____________ to a
  wet den.
11. "Somebody shot at Ken? Who would want to ____________?"

12. Because of the big holes in the roads, the city was called
  ____________.
13. Liz opened a Portuguese bread shop, calling it the "____________".

14. "Where does Fred hurt?" "Fred's ___________ is in his lower back."

15. Those in California with a sweet tooth often go to ____________.

16. Ying Oh's Floating Menagerie was dubbed the "____________" by a
  clever punster.
17. "Mom, ____________ come over for dinner tonight?" "Of course. Al
  is always welcome to eat here."
18. Purring, catching mice and meowing are all considered ___________.

19. "Does the ____________ Tylenol?" "Yes, the boss has a big headache
  after that meeting."
20. People in Poland have ____________ of problems to deal with now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Bosnia       f) Dryden      k) Lisbon       p) Saratoga
b) Canal        g) Duncan      l) Lodz         q) Sicily
c) Carmel       h) Haiphong    m) Milan        r) Spain
d) Catskills    i) Harare      n) Ozark        s) Tangier
e) Chesapeake   j) Kilkenny    o) Pittsburg    t) Wawa

                By Harold Reynolds
                November 16, 1991
                       -50-
Return to Index

Christmas Test

Are you a Grinch or a Santa? Test your Christmas cheer by filling
each blank with one of the words listed below.

 1. "Bad kitty! Don't sharpen your ____________ on Santa's leg!"

 2. ...i, j, k, m, n, o... is the Christmas alphabet because there's
  ____________.
 3. If you don't behave yourself, _________ get coal in your stocking.

 4. "Do you know anyone who could sing at our Christmas party?"
  "____________ will. She loves to sing."
 5. "There's ____________ business like show business..."

 6. Season's greetings from your florist: "Happy ____________-days."

 7. Instead of athelete's foot, Santa gets ____________.

 8. "Is everyone here?" "Yes, sir! All __________ and accounted for!"

 9. Haw-haw! This pun test is so funny, it absolutely ___________ me!

10. How to count your Christmas presents: "One, two, ____________,..."

11. Chronically an untidy person, in December Chris was always called
  "____________".
12. In November, the merchants begin ____________ the shelves for the
  Christmas rush.
13. "Do you think it will snow tonight, honey?" "No, I think it will
  ____________."
14. How can you make Santa Claus ___________? Stick his finger in the
  socket.
15. "Sir, the horse broke loose from the stable!" "Don't just stand
  there! ____________!"
16. What decoration does a metal peddler put on a Christmas tree?
  ____________.
17. M.C. Hammer is a ____________ musician.

18. Christmas geography: "The Love Boat Christmas Tour" departs from
  the port of ____________ Cruz.
19. Some say Scarlett O'Hara was the quintessential southern
  __________, but others say she was a ding-a-ling.
20. After a tragic accident, the rock group "Singing Insect" became
  known as the "____________".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Ampere       f) Holly       k) Present     p) Stocking
b) Bell         g) Humbug      l) Reindeer    q) Tree
c) Christmas    h) Light       m) Santa       r) Tinsel
d) Claus        i) Mistletoe   n) Sleighs     s) Wrap
e) Cratchit     j) Noel        o) Snow        t) Yule

                By Harold Reynolds
                December 12, 1991
                       -51-
Return to Index

Tom Swifty Test 1

Make pun of adverbs in this interesting form of humour by filling each blank
with one of the words listed below.

 1. "All actors must die!" proclaimed Tom ____________.

 2. "But many angles are greater than 90 degrees," said Tom
  ____________.
 3. "Carnivals are noisy and useless," griped Tom ____________.

 4. "Cryogenics is quackery!" Tom said ____________.

 5. "Dogs are a great menace!" barked Tom ____________.

 6. "I'll take the prisoner downstairs," said Tom ____________.

 7. "I've only got two of a kind," said Tom ____________.

 8. "I collided with my bed!" said Tom ____________.

 9. "I don't need rocket boosters to help me run faster," said Tom
  ____________.
10. "Roosters should be banned," clucked Tom ____________.

11. "I like fuzzy bunnies," gurgled Tom ____________.

12. "I won't play the carillon again!" chimed Tom ____________.

13. "Let's go to the races!" said Tom ____________.

14. "Many hands make light work," said Tom ____________.

15. "This has been a grave undertaking," said Tom ____________.

16. "I insist on naming the first male insect," said Tom ____________.

17. "Yes, I know how to start my Model T!" snapped Tom ____________.

18. "Mutton makes men macho," bleated Tom ____________.

19. "Of course I'm aware of how birds fly!" chirped Tom ____________.

20. "Quick, start a fire!" bellowed Tom ____________.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Acutely     f) Condescendingly   k) Hastily     p) Obtusely
b) Adamantly   g) Crankily          l) Heatedly    q) Rambunctiously
c) Brightly    h) Cryptically       m) Hoarsely    r) Rebelliously
d) Cockily     i) Despairingly      n) Huskily     s) Sheepishly
e) Coldly      j) Dramatically      o) Knowingly   t) Unfairly

                By Harold Reynolds
                 March 19, 1992
                      -52-
Return to Index

Hockey Test

How much do you know about professional hockey? Find out by filling each blank
with one of the words listed below.

 1. My ____________ in life is to play in the NHL.

 2. This team is a royal pain to play against. ____________

 3. Robin Goodfellow was also known as ____________.

 4. "Ward wants you to get some food from the store." "Ok, I'll do it
  ____________."
 5. The overpaid hockey star bought an engagement ____________ for his
  sweetheart.
 6. This team is perpetually in a shambles. ____________

 7. An old-fashioned hockey player is a ____________-in-the-mud.

 8. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a spider?
  A hare ____________.
 9. A goalie is a sharp dresser if he a has nice ____________ in his
  trousers.
10. We had to put up ____________ to keep da kids out of our yard.

11. Members of this team have the mistaken belief that the sword is
  mightier than the pun. ____________
12. "I won this pen in a raffle." "I guess that makes you a
  ____________."
13. The way some players behave on the ice ____________ much to be
  desired.
14. Never borrow money from loan ____________.

15. Chances are that if you visit an auto mechanic, you'll find a few
  ____________ hanging around.
16. The members of this team moonlight as ships navigator's helpers.
  ____________
17. When asked why the members of this team all wore Smokey the Bear
  uniforms, the captain said "We're the ____________!"
18. "Was his presentation successful?" "No, he was shot down in
  ____________."
19. Lisbon, Caracas, Tokyo and Ottawa have one thing in common:
  they're ____________.
20. The favourite colours of this team are turquoise, aquamarine and
  navy, because they're ____________.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Blues      f) Flames     k) Net           p) Rangers
b) Bruins     g) Forward    l) North Stars   q) Rink
c) Capitals   h) Goal       m) Oilers        r) Sabres
d) Crease     i) Kings      n) Penguin       s) Sharks
e) Defence    j) Leafs      o) Puck          t) Stick

                By Harold Reynolds
                   May 17, 1992
                       -53-
Return to Index

Weights and Measures Test

How familiar are you with various units of measurement? Find out by filling
each blank with one of the words listed below.

 1. "Cheryl's a really nice person." "Oh, I'd like to ____________."

 2. Give weeds an inch and they'll take a ____________.

 3. Cheapskate! It's just like you to make me ____________ the bill!

 4. Weights and measures inspectors like to play follow the _________.

 5. One more pun test and I'll ____________ you!

 6. Based on the tradition of the singing telegram, the Mafia hit
  squad has introduced the ____________.
 7. A person who complains of aches and pains is an ____________.

 8. Haw, haw. You and your pun tests are a ____________ of laughs.

 9. Punster cliche: Spare the ____________ and spoil the child.

10. "Me Tarzan, you ____________."

11. To be the "dancing measurer", you need lots of ____________ and
  coordination.
12. What someone says when punched in the gut: "____________!"

13. When it comes to selecting a unit of volume, I never know which
  one to ____________!
14. A half-sized quartz watch is a ____________ watch.

15. Get this horse now, because it won't be this cheap ____________!

16. The Greek hero was Hector, not ____________!

17. A measurement freak would say "In a ____________!" instead of "In
  a pig's eye!"
18. The head person of the Bureau of Weights and Measures is known as
  the ____________.
19. The unit of shrub volume should be the ____________.

20. A reasonable unit to use for weighing vegetables should be the
  ____________.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Acre       f) Erg        k) Kilogram   p) Poise
b) Barrel     g) Foot       l) Litre      q) Pound
c) Bushel     h) Furlong    m) Metre      r) Rod
d) Carat      i) Hectare    n) Peck       s) Ruler
e) Chain      j) Hogshead   o) Pints      t) Yard

                By Harold Reynolds
                 May 18, 1992
                     -54-
Return to Index

Clothing Test

How informed are you about the clothes that you wear? Find out by filling each
blank with one of the words listed below.

 1. What to wear when you want to take a flying leap. ____________

 2. "My boat is leaking!" "Use your shoes. After all, they're
  ____________."
 3. Firefighters prefer to wear ____________.

 4. When your car gets a flat tire, you have to ____________ up before
  you can change it.
 5. I need a drink! Gimme a ____________ of your cheapest liquor!

 6. An out-of-shape tailor ____________ after a hard run.

 7. Garment makers are natural politicians, since they can ___________
  the issues with ease.
 8. Tailor's lullaby: "...When the wind ____________, the cradle will
  rock..."
 9. Fred invested in a dry cleaning shop, but wound up losing his
  ____________ when it folded.
10. "Get lost, you mangy mutt! Scram! ____________!"

11. Welcome to the Surrealist Clothing Shop, where nothing is as it
  ____________.
12. "I can't stay long! I'm really ____________ for time!"

13. When the humidex tops 100øF, everyone becomes a ____________.

14. Self-serve clothing store motto: "____________ yourself."

15. Not more tax hikes! The government really wants to ____________
  it to us!
16. This highway is so busy that one accident can ____________ up
  traffic for hours.
17. "To sum it up, clothing sales have shown an ___________ increase."

18. When Frankie Curr became the head of the clan, he assumed the
  title of "____________".
19. "Whew! I just escaped from the rioting crowd of garment workers!"
  "I guess you had a ____________ call!"
20. News headline: "Psychopath tailor ____________ the streets! Who
  will he attack next?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Belt       f) Jumpsuit     k) Pumps      p) Sock
b) Blazers    g) Kerchief     l) Seams      q) Stocking
c) Blouse     h) Overall      m) Shirt      r) Suit
d) Clothes    i) Pants        n) Shoe       s) Sweater
e) Jacket     j) Pressed      o) Skirt      t) Tie

                By Harold Reynolds
                   June 3, 1992
                       -55-
Return to Index

Football Test

Attention, couch potatoes! Test your knowledge of the National Football League
by filling each blank with one of the words listed below.

 1. The nicest, most caring people work for the ___________ franchise.

 2. To raise money for the team, its players sell corn for $1 an ear,
  hence the team name ____________.
 3. ____________ are very useful to have around on moving day.

 4. Sailors watch this team while at sea to bring luck. ____________

 5. Sunburned football fans have ____________.

 6. It's well known that ____________ are faster than propellor-driven
  airplanes.
 7. If seagulls fly over the "C", do ____________ fly over the "E"?

 8. If any team will give you a bum steer, it is this one. __________

 9. This team is on call in case of a lubrication crisis. ___________

10. The Autumn Football Swindles became known as the ____________.

11. If musicians sing the blues, couch potatoes must sing the
  ____________.
12. Members of this team have a reputation for kleptomania. _________

13. Nobody likes to get ____________ in the mail.

14. A latter-day Light Brigade might be formed from the ____________.

15. I ab a liddle hoarse today because I hab a ___________ in by head.

16. I loaned you 25 cents last week. I want my ___________ right now.

17. Greed, sloth, gluttony and disliking pun tests are all considered
  ____________ sins.
18. Because of the fondness of its members for a brand of bug spray,
  this team was called the ____________.
19. A quarterback's bad game in grammatical terms: ____________
  imperfect, future tense.
20. I can't go to the game! My stocking has a ____________ in it!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Bills       f) Colt       k) Jets          p) Raiders
b) Browns      g) Cowboys    l) Oilers        q) Redskins
c) Buccaneers  h) Dolphins   m) Packers       r) Run
d) Cardinal    i) Eagles     n) Pass          s) Saints
e) Chargers    j) Falcons    o) Quarterback   t) Steelers

                By Harold Reynolds
                 September 5, 1992
                       -56-
Return to Index

Geography Test 22

Test your knowledge of Geography yet again by filling each blank with one of
the words listed below.

 1. "Can't we go to Minden later?" "No! I want to go to ____________!"

 2. "Cal is a great lumberjack!" "Oh? Can ____________ redwood tree
  down in 10 minutes?"
 3. Geographers prefer to eat on fine ____________.

 4. When writing the alphabet, one must put ____________ after the
  letter "l".
 5. Goldie Hawn buys her footwear in ____________.

 6. One can expect to find an active drama society in ____________.

 7. A geographer in pain is an ____________.

 8. After winning the lottery, the geography prof went on a spending
  ____________.
 9. It seems that all politicians are doing these days is ____________
  for pictures.
10. Lawyer: "I can litigate." Geographer: "I ____________!"

11. "My husband Rocco is getting fat!" "I guess there's ____________
  to love."
12. "Ask your father what he brought home from the store." "What's in
  the ____________?"
13. Watching Mr. Green fly isn't as scary as watching ____________.

14. The 'Burbs Savings and Loan Company is located in ____________.

15. Babies need diapers because they're in-____________.

16. "A Jack, two, six, eight and ten! You ____________ lousy poker
  hand to me!"
17. The jealous geography prof would ____________ no rivals.

18. Uttering a ____________ of curses, the raving prof was hauled off.

19. Geographer bar talk: "Hello handsome. Let me __________ a drink."

20. James Bond movie set in Spain: "Never say ____________ again".

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Acre       f) Brook       k) Delta        p) Morocco
b) Acton      g) Burbank     l) Greenland    q) Navarre
c) Annam      h) Calcutta    m) Honshu       r) Posen
d) Baghdad    i) China       n) Kansu        s) Spree
e) Bayou      j) Continent   o) Mindanao     t) Stream

                By Harold Reynolds
                November 16, 1992
                       -57-
Return to Index

Halifax Test

Test your knowledge of the Halifax area by filling each blank with one of the
words listed below.

 1. When Mr. Bee was competing at the rowing regatta, his fans cheered
  him on by saying "____________, row!"
 2. To immerse your doughnut in your coffee, go to ____________ St.

 3. I can eat the Mackay Bridge!" "No, you ____________! How would
  people get to Dartmouth?"
 4. A facsimile from Beelzebub is called a ____________.

 5. The truth may ring out like a ____________, but it is seldom ever
  tolled.
 6. Haligonians grow their springs in a ____________.

 7. Snow White at the photo shop: "Some day my ___________ will come."

 8. The Halifax region's favourite soap opera is "____________
  Children".
 9. Fairytale popular in the Halifax area: Goldilocks and the Three
  ____________.
10. It is not a ____________ idea to try crossing a bridge without
  paying the toll!
11. Cold, damp, ____________ weather can get very depressing.

12. Fairview car salespeople say: "Have I got a ____________ for you!"

13. Where does Mr. Quinn do his swimming? In the ____________.

14. The Halifax-Dartmouth area may be old, but the residents are
  ____________ at heart.
15. "Is it wise to give Dale a gun?" "If we don't ____________, how
  can he fight in the war?"
16. "Is he sober?" "No, he's ____________ a drum."

17. Why is an elephant like a Halifax university? Because both weigh
  ____________.
18. After coming in from the windy outdoors, her hair was messy,
  out of place and un-____________.
19. Haligonian platitude: "Few is fine, but ____________ merrier."

20. "You want me to haul that stuff away?" "Yes, I want you to
  ____________ to the dump."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Alma         f) Deal       k) Morris     p) Spring Garden
b) Armdale      g) Duncan     l) Prince     q) Titus
c) Bayers       h) Halifax    m) Quinpool   r) TUNS
d) Bell         i) Hollis     n) Rainnie    s) Wyse
e) Connaught    j) Kempt      o) Robie      t) Young

                By Harold Reynolds
                  June 25, 1993
                      -58-
Return to Index

Automobiles Test 1

Are you a driver or merely a passenger? Test your car knowledge by filling
each blank with one of the words listed below.

 1. Do ambulance mechanics wear gloves to prevent the ____________ of
  infections to the engines?
 2. Mechanics don't grab, they ____________.

 3. "Joe tried to take the turn too fast, lost control and rear-ended
   the cow!" "I guess that was a bum ____________!"
 4. "Sorry, no discounts on repairs!" "Aw, gimme a ____________!"

 5. Would you buy a car from the actor Jack ____________?

 6. I need to learn how to drive by next week. Where can I get a
  ____________ course in driver training?
 7. She attacked me with a tire iron, so I had to ____________ off
  with my hubcap.
 8. I'm recovering from the flu, but I still ____________ easily.

 9. She wouldn't get out of the way, so I had to ____________ to let
  her know I wanted in.
10. The "Front-End Vandal" was really just a petty ____________-lum.

11. Why is an elephant like a car? They both have ____________.

12. If I were to plug my head into the socket, would I have a
  ____________?
13. Gimme the joystick! It's my ____________ at the Indy Simulator!

14. A golfer who can't ____________ can't get to the golf course, let
  alone play the game well.
15. Anybody dumb enough to fool with electricty while standing in a
  puddle is bound to get a few ____________.
16. A mechanic's favourite bridge is a ____________ bridge.

17. The best way to cook a burger is on an open ____________.

18. You unlocked the car for me! You're a-____________-able!

19. A mechanic's idea of exercise is jogging around the ____________.

20. What happens to Aunty Marge when she falls in the snow?
  ____________.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
a)Antifreeze    f)Crash       k)Headlight    p)Suspension
b)Block      g)Door       l)Hood       q)Tire
c)Brake      h)Drive       m)Lemon      r)Transmission
d)Bumper      i)Fender      n)Shocks      s)Trunks
e)Clutch      j)Grille      o)Steer      t)Turn

                By Harold Reynolds
                  April 2, 1995
                      -59-
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Automobiles Test 2


Here is another test of your mechanical ability. As usual, fill in each blank
with one of the words listed below.

 1. Mechanics at Shakespeare: "____________'s well that end's well."

 2. "Did you have fun at the stock car races?" "Yep, I had a
  ____________ good time!"
 3. A mechanic who ruins things for people is a ____________.

 4. The guy who hands out stuff is a ____________.

 5. She wrote me a nice letter, so I ____________ back.

 6. "A tisket, a tasket, I lost the little ____________." "Ah, don't
  worry, the guy will never know."
 7. "My favourite instrument is the bassoon." "I prefer the French
  ____________."
 8. The irate customer who threw a Duracell at the mechanic was
  charged with assault with ____________.
 9. The prettiest parts of flowers are the ____________.

10. "What does Manny do with the sheets after they're washed?"
  "____________ them and put them away."
11. "What's a three-season bed?" "One without a ____________!"

12. A tale of misery and woe about a bad car is a ____________ story.

13. A person who sniffs gas isn't an idiot, but a ____________.

14. "I'm going to run the Boston Marathon and the Miami Monster Race
  in the same day!" "Be careful not to ____________ yourself."
15. Barney the Dinosaur is ____________ towards mental midgets.

16. I'll mix me a mint julep and sit out on the front ____________
  and watch the world go by.
17. Without a bridge, the best place to cross a river is at a
  ____________.
18. The mechanic's a master gardener. Look how he ____________ the
  soil and gets the weeds.
19. That car has a high-strung disposition. It might have a nervous
  ____________ if mistreated.
20. The alcoholic race car driver wound up on ____________ row.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
a) Battery       f) Fuel       k) Manifold   p) Saab
b) Breakdown     g) Gasket     l) Oil        q) Skid
c) Distributor   h) Geared     m) Pedals     r) Spoiler
d) Exhaust       i) Horn       n) Porsche    s) Spring
e) Ford          j) Hose       o) Rotor      t) Wheel

                By Harold Reynolds
                   April 2, 1995
                       -60-
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