I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back
seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a new starter handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents .'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting
the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked,'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the
report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended
her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I
saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards
the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organisation that delivers lunches to the elderly, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking
in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And
why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burialshould be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wadding,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's
son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned
his version of what he thought his father always said:'Glory be unto the
Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line
used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting
my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't
let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages.'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have
you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
'I think it's Adam's underwear!'