Date Received: Wednesday, January 23, 2002
- Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
- If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
- Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us
what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
navel lint, or the shotgun formation.
- Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it
that way.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
- You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!
- No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries
on the calendar.
- Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss
sometimes.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
- Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do.
- Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee
or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying
anyway.
- Check your oil.
- It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
- No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
- You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do
something, but not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
- If it itches, it will be scratched.
- Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
- If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the
hassle.