One may insert "KMart" or "Target" in place of WalMart if one prefers.....
15 things a man can do at Wal-Mart -- while his wife is taking her own sweet time:
- Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
- Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
- Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
- Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares' . . and see what happens.
- Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.
- Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
- Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
- When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
- Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
- While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
- Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the them from "Mission Impossible."
- In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different sized funnels.
- Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
- When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
- Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"