You may be from Toronto if:

Date Received: Tue, 10 Nov 1998
  1. You turn your nose up any establishment frequented by the S&M crowd (Scarborough and Mississauga).
  2. A really great parking spot can move you to tears.
  3. You can recommend about 3 good body piercing parlours.
  4. You make well over $100,000 and you still can't find a nice place to live.
  5. You take pride in being able to walk through Chinatown in the dead of summer without holding your breath.
  6. You realize there are far more rainbow flags in the city than Canadian Flags.
  7. When the temperature rises above zero degrees, you yell "Woohooo! Patio weather!"
  8. You enjoy watching channel 47 multicultural TV.
  9. You're guaranteed to know at least one person on every episode of Speaker's Corner.
  10. You haven't been to the CN Tower since you were six, but still have nightmares about that damn turbo elevator.
  11. You've had at least 3 bicycles stolen in the past 10 years.
  12. You've partied with at least one of the members of The Kids in the Hall.
  13. You've fantasized about having sex in Casa Loma.
  14. At least 3 of your friends have moved to Vancouver.
  15. You never, never, never swim in the lake.
  16. You know "The Beaches" are really called "The Beach", but still say The Beaches" just to annoy all the nitwits who live there.
  17. You ever had a birthday party at the Organ Grinder.
  18. You can say "world's tallest freestanding structure" ten times fast.
  19. You know the correct answer to "Where do shopping carts go to die?" is "The Don River".
  20. You speak better Chinese than French.
  21. The word "Cabbagetown" doesn't strike you as particularly amusing.
  22. Castle Frank subway station remains one of the great mysteries of the universe for you.
  23. You know what the bathrooms in the First Canadian Place are REALLY for.
  24. You don't know where Fort York is, but have a vague recollection of being there in a past life.
  25. You know the Demic's song "I Wanna Go To New York City" was intended as sarcasm, not a weekend getaway suggestion.
  26. You know where to find Dim Sum, Sushi, Curry, Pad Thai and a dildo at 3 a.m. on a weeknight.
  27. For the last time, it's pronounced 'TRONNA'!
  28. You consider eye contact a sign of hostility and an invasion of your privacy.
  29. It takes you half an hour to get to work by TTC and you are the envy of all your friends.
  30. You mourned the death of the Spadina Bus.
  31. You laugh heartily at people who refer to highway four hundred and one.
  32. You've taken the vomit comit.
  33. You can maneuver your bike across Queen St. without getting caught in the streetcar tracks.
  34. You know the difference between souvlaki, mussaka and spanakopita.
  35. You can name at least three locations of The Beer Store that are open till 11 PM.
  36. You have NEVER been to the Hard Rock Cafe.
  37. You know someone who went to High School with at least one member of The Barenaked Ladies.
  38. You will always refer to them as Scarbough, East York, Etobicoke, North York and Toronto no matter who amalgamated shit.
  39. You have a crush on that guy who does all the voice-overs for CityTV.

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