Horoscope Lightbulb Jokes

Date Received: Mon, 9 Jun 1997

What's your sign? How many of you does it take to change a lightbulb?

Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?

Taurus: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burned-out one is useless and should be thrown away.

Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done--they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

Leo: Leos don't change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out.

Virgo: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?

Scorpio: That secret information can only be shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

Sagittarius: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out lightbulb?

Capricorn: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.....

Pisces: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?

Date Received: Fri, 11 Apr 1997

These are from the New York magazine competition. They asked competitors to change one letter in a familiar, non-English phrase and redefine it.

Harlez-vous francais?...Can you drive a French motocycle?

Idios amigos...We're wild and crazy guys.

Veni, VIPi, Vici...I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered.

Rigor Morris...The cat is dead.

Posh mortem...Death styles of the rich and famous.

Felix navidad...Our cat has a boat.

Haste cuisine...Fast French food.

Cogito Eggo sum...I think, therefore I am a waffle.

Respondez s'il vous plaid...Honk if you're a Scot.

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