Date Received: Saturday, March 30, 2002

You're on the West Coast when ...

You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.

You're in New York when ...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
You've ever worn out a car horn.
You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're in Alaska when ...

You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
You have more than one recipe for moose.
Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

You're in the South when ...

(See also my Rednecks jokes.)

You get a movie and bait in the same store.
"y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
after a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
"he needed killin' " is a valid defense.

You're in Colorado when ...

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
A pass does not involve a football or dating.
The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You're in the Midwest when ...

You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with."
Your first job was detasseling.
When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different."

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