Tue, 10 Nov 1998
Good engineering jokes
Comprehending Engineers-Take One
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from
a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against
one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they
walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and
The mathematician said, "Never."
The physicist said, "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer said, "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close
enough for all practical purposes."
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After
serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later
the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with
one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to
get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying
the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in
chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This
is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the data book.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it,
except the complex math, which you will never use.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab
every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
Dilbert is a documentary.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection...
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens.
He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade.
He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks
up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem......"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers-Take Ten
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending
time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."