Date Received: Tue, 21 Apr 1998
Here ya go. Sorry I didn't think to include them. I don't know the original
author, but I can take credit for the second fifty. What'd ya think?
- Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
- Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
- Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around.
- Ask them what floor they are heading toward, then press the wrong button.
- Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
- Blow spit bubbles.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
- Blow your nose without a hanky.
- Bring a chair along.
- Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Clutch your stomach and gasp.
- Collect an elevator tax.
- Count down from 100,000 out loud.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
- Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
- Eat jello through a straw.
- Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
- Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
- Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
- Give religious tracts to each passenger.
- Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
- Have a seizure.
- Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
- Hug yourself.
- Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
- Hum the theme to Jeopardy
- If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"
- Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
- Lean against the button panel.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Make farm noises.
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Make SURE the emergency phone is working.
- Meow occasionally.
- Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
- Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
- Offer hitman services.
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
- One word: Flatulence!
- Open a lemonade stand.
- Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
- Pick your nose.
- Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
- Play dead.
- Play patty--cake with the door.
- Play the harmonica.
- Pray to Budda.
- Preach about the end of the world.
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Read a book upside down.
- Recite poetry in monotone.
- Say "Ding!" at each floor.
- Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
- Scratch yourself.
- Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
- Sell Girl Scout cookies.
- Shadow box.
- Shave.
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You`re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
- Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
- Start a sing-along.
- Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
- Tap dance.
- Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
- Tell everyone about your love life.
- Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
- Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
- Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
- Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
- Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
- Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.
- Wear a Santa suit...in June.
- Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
- Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
- When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
- Whistle the first seven notes of "It`s a Small World" incessantly