Change your Office Language

Date Received: Fri 1/2/2004 1:23 PM

Dear Employees: It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer been tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner:

TRY SAYING	INSTEAD OF
I think you could use more training.	You don't know what the ---- you're doing.
Perhaps I can work late.	And when the ---- do you expect me to do this?
I'm certain that isn't feasible.	No ------- way.
Really?	You've got to be sh*tting me!
Perhaps you should check with...	Tell someone who gives a sh*t.
I wasn't involved in the project.	It's not my ------- problem.
That's interesting.	What the ----?
I'm not sure this can be implemented.	This sh*t won't work.
I'll try to schedule that.	Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
He's not familiar with the issues.	He's got his head up his @ss.
Excuse me, sir?	Eat sh*t and die.
So you weren't happy with it?	Kiss my @ss.
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.	---- it, I'm on salary.
I don't think you understand.	Shove it up your @ss.
I love a challenge.	This job sucks.
You want me to take care of that?	Who the hell died and made you boss?
I see.	Blow me.
He's somewhat insensitive.	He's a pr*ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources