Pun Dictionary: Geog

Baked

Awful: That's the worst pancake ever made! It's absolutely waffle!
Baklava: What dessert comes from musical volcanoes? Bach lava.
Biscuit: A really good soup makes me want to bake bisque-its.
Boomerang: "When I threw that pie away, it came right back and hit me!" "That's because it's a boomeringue."
Boomerang: I was watching an Australian cooking show and the audience applauded when the chef made a meringue. I was surprised, as Australians usually boo meringue.
Desert: "My cake ran away!" "Funny, why would it want to dessert you?"
Layer Cake: When the heroes and villains are having dinner in their hideouts, do they have lair cake for dessert?
Loaf: Silly Billy was told he was well-bred because he was always loafing around.
Longer: I asked the bakery if they had shortbread. They told me they don't make it any longer.
Low Fat: Putting my hair in a bun is a prerequisite for losing weight with a loaf hat diet.
Not: Why do they call it a pretzel? Because it's knot bread. Yes, this joke is a bit twisted.
Old Time Rock and Roll [song]: I found a recipe from Morocco for dinner rolls. It called for fresh thyme, but mine wasn't, and I really liked those old thyme Moroccan rolls.
Pi: A mathematician's favourite food: Pie.
Piece Of (1): All I want is a pizza the action.
Rap: I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it's more of a wrap.
Role Model: I recently posed for an art class making sculptures from bread. I was a roll model.
Stolen: The type of bread that's obtained from shoplifting is stollen.
Turnover: If a pastry factory is efficient, yet has trouble with employee retention, does that mean it has a high turnover rate?
Whole Grains: Are doughnuts made from hole grains?

Beverages

Bieber, Justin [musician]: Justin Bieber should set up a craft brewery and call its product Bie-beer.
Bordeaux: It's no longer called "boxed wine". It's Cardboardeaux.
Chaser: I will create another new mixed drink and call it "Bloodhound" because it will be a chaser.
Cool: How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
He Brews: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Hops: I tried a brand of beer called Kangaroo. You could really taste the hops.
Physician: What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper? A Fizz-ician.
Pop Quiz: We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Risky: Wum-wunning was always a whiskey business.
Shake: What to drink after experiencing an earthquake: Shakes.
Shooter: I will create a new mixed drink and call it "Marksman" because it will be a shooter.
Spoiled: What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Stock: Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
To Kill A: Famous novel by Harper Lee: Tequila Mockingbird.

Cheeses

Bries [Plural of Brie cheese]: Winds can be cheeses, if they're a breeze.
Cheddar: When a pet loses a lot of hair, it becomes a cheese: cheddar.
Dare He: Ralph criticized my milk and cheese? How dairy do that!
Debris: What happened when the cheese factory exploded? De brie flew everywhere.
Edam: What kind of cheese is made backwards? Edam!
Fait Accompli: A cheese that is already made is a feta compli.
Gorgon Zola: Emile Zola's mythical monster Halloween costume was really cheesy because he became a Gorgonzola.
Gorgonzola: The cheese that will turn you to stone is Gorgon-zola.
Gorgonzola: The most Vice-Presidential cheese is Al Goregonzola.
Grater: I cut my finger while shredding cheese, but I think that I have greater problems.
Gruyère: It's kind of cheesy to say that a cloudy sky is gruyere than a clear sky.
Have Our Tea: "Whose tea should I have with this cheese?" "Havarti."
He Damn: "Joe's late with the cheese shipment. Edam well better get here soon!"
Incurred: Why is making cheese expensive? Because of all of the expenses in-curd.
Legendary: The Mythical Cheese is legendairy.
Limb Burger: What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger.
Monster: What is made of cheese and found in Scotland? The Loch Ness Muenster.
Mozzarella: Do those of the Hebrew persuasion put Matzo-rella cheese on their crackers?
Shoot the Breeze: Chat with friends or murder cheese; either way we shoot the bries.

Eggs

Omlette: Eggs prepared for meditation are ohm-lettes.
Yoga: Egg farmers practice yolka for exercise and relaxation.

Fruits

A Peel: Do nude banana jokes lack appeal?
A Pull: Give a push, get apple.
All Of: Santa's 10th reindeer was called Olive the Other Reindeer.
Apply: "Silly Billy, why did you put some fruit on your face?" "I was told to apple-eye myself!"
Apricot: The dried fruit thief was eventually apri-caught.
Aren't: Orange you going to get your homework done?
Aroma: When does a tomato have a smell? When it's a Roma!
Banana: It's a fruit! It's a flatbread! It's a banaana!
Barry: The famous fruit farmer turned musician: Berry Manilow.
Cantaloupe: Why do melons get married? Because they can't elope.
Come What: Our love will last forever, kumquat may.
Dressing: Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Granny Smith [apple]: My Grandma always used to say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." I don't know if that's true, or just one of Granny's myths.
Great: I think eating raisins is a grape idea.
Line: A straight lime is the shortest distance between two points.
Man Go: If he won't laugh at your fruit jokes, it's time to let that mango.
Pair: The Apple twins are really quite a pear.
Papa You: Mom: "Ted, ask Daddy if he's ill." Ted: "Papaya sick?"
Peach: The fruit magnate was a crook, so he was im-peach-ed.
Pieces: I dropped the ceramic apricot and it broke into a thousand peaches!
Plumb: Why are empty fruit stands crooked? Because they are out of plum.
Pomegranate: A rock-hard fruit is a pomegranite.
Prepare: A peeled apple that's ready to eat has been pre-pared for you.
Prune: The preferred fruit of the topiary artist is the prune.
Raising: I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
Reason: If life is like a bowl of cherries, what is the raisin for living?
Slipper: Footwear made from banana peels could be called slippers.
Sure He: Can he spit pits 20 feet? Cherry can!
Tangerine: The grumpiest fruit is the t-anger-ine.
To My Toes: When farmers are feeling really up, do they say "I feel good from my head tomatoes"?
Truth or Consequences: A game show for fruit fans is "Truth or Consequinces".
What are Melons: Watermelons doing here? I told you I wanted oranges!

Grains

Barely: When the silo blew up, the farmer barley escaped with his life.
Maze: His supply of corny jokes never ceases to a-maize me.
Outlaw: Would a cereal killer be called an oatlaw?
Surreal (1): His painting "Bran Flakes Box" could be described as cereal-ist.

Meat

Beef: "I want to complain about this meat!" "Okay, what's your beef?"
Caught: Fred tried to shoplift a fish, but was cod red-handed.
Chum [salmon]: Do members of The Brotherhood of Salmon refer to themselves as Chums?
Escargot: A French customs officer confiscated my crate of snails. Now I have less cargo.
Flounder: Joe tried to win the fishing derby, but floundered instead.
Had It: "I've haddock with eating fish! I never want another one!"
Hay: Famous platitude: Make hake while the sun shines.
Hearing: A hard of hearing fisherman needs a herring aid to help him hear.
Hell of It: "Why did you poach fish?" "Just for the halibut."
Hot Dog: The newest entry into the world of fast-food cuisine is the haute dog.
Kung Fu: The Pork Chop, Mutton Masher and Corn Pop are a few moves from the martial art "Kung Food".
Lam: "Sam the Sheep broke out of the Pen last week." "Yep, he's on the lamb now."
Meat Patty: How does a hamburger introduce his wife? "Hello, meet Patty."
Mistake: Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed-steak.
Munchkin: What do they call Cornish game hens in Oz? Munchickens.
Muscles: I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
Rare, Medium, Well Done: Steak puns are a rare medium well done.
Saw Such: What were you doing in the kitchen? I never sausage a mess!
Some Enchanted Evening (2): A school of monkfish wanted to join the Gregorian Order. Their first song was "Salmon Chanted Evening".
Some Enchanted Evening [song]: Do Gregorian fishermen in the South Pacific sing Salmon Chanted Evening?
Stake: You'll never see a vampire eat this: Steak.
Tune A: Yes, you can tuna fish by adjusting the scales.
Will: Veal you get on with it?
Worst: His jokes about sausages are the wurst I've ever heard!

Nuts

Achoo [sneeze]: What does a nut say when it sneezes? "Cashew!"
Acorn: Is a nut that toots when you hurt an ache-horn?
We're All Nuts: Motto of Psychiatric Institute: "Walnuts around here."

Pasta

Linguine: If I made a hotdog out of pasta, should it be called a ling-weenie?
Man He Caught A: Manicotti real bad cold! I hope I don't get it!
Pass The: To politely ask for food at the table, say "Please pasta noodles to me."
Pinocchio: Gepetto first tried to make a boy out of dough, calling him Pi-gnocchi-o.
Ra Men: Followers of the god Ra were called "Noodles" because they were Ra Men.
You Silly: You and your pasta jokes! Fusilli!

Prepared

Chili: What food is served hot, yet is always cold? Chili.
Chili Con Carne: A fraudulent winter carnival is edible because it's a chilly con carney.
Creeps: Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Creepy Crawlies: Thin pancakes formed in the shape of bugs are crepe crawlies.
Deserter: What do you call a person who can't stick to a diet? A desserter.
Dim Sum: Addition in a dark Chinese restaurant is "dim sum".
Goulash: If you encounter a ghoul, kill and burn it. Then you can have ghoul ash for dinner.
Homicide: Charlie the Chickpea was found crushed to death. It was ruled a hummus-cide
Mediocre: I made a gumbo with just beef and okra. It wasn't all that good, it was just meaty okra.
Parquet: When can margarine be used as a floor covering? When it's Parkay. (Note the wooden delivery of the joke.)
Starters: The English language contains many phrases borrowed from French, like hors d'oeuvres. And that's just for starters.
Sunday School: Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream desserts? Sundae school.
Superman: A really strong person who makes broths and chowders can be called Souperman.
Sure Bet: Wagering that a frozen treat that isn't ice cream is called sorbet sounds like a sherbet to me.
Tapas: People who consume tapas are indulging in a little S&M. After all, isn't spanking a form of tap-ass?
Taps: Can you buy tapas from a plumbing supplies shop?
Tops: Nothing tops a plain pizza.
Walking: I found stir fry all over my bed this morning. I must have been sleep wokking again.

Seasonings

Ambidextrous: I can eat sugar with both hands because I'm ambidextrose!
Annie: The next show for Little Spicerack Productions will be Little Orphan Anise.
Basil: The house of worship dedicated to Saint Herb is probably a basil-ica.
Come Free: Welcome to the herb exhibition! Admission is $5, but kids can comfrey!
Deal: I only paid $2 for this handful of herbs. It's a great dill.
Garnish: I opened my paycheck envelope and found only parsley. It looks like my celery has been garnished.
Poop On: My friend spent a lot of time washing his car, only to put a blob of mustard on the hood. "If I put my Gray Poupon the car, maybe the birds won't," was his rationalization.
Salt and Pepper: After the chef became a master of Turkish cuisine, he became known as Sultan Pepper.
Seasoned: The soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran.

Vegetables

Addressing: My salad is dry. This is a problem that needs a dressing.
Al Fell For: "Were you able to trick Alf?" "Yes, alfalfa it hook, line and sinker."
Arty Choke: If artichoke, apply Heimlich maneuver.
Arugula: A posh fund-raising soirée to support orphaned kangaroos needed a logo. I suggested a leafy vegetable: A Roo Gala.
Bean: "Waiter, what is this?" "It's bean soup, sir." "I don't care what it's been, what is it now?"
Beat: My salad just can't be beet.
Been: An ex-vegetarian can be described as a has-bean.
Beet: I was the drummer for a band called Borscht. I never missed a beat!
Cab Age: The chronological progression of a taxi is measured by a leafy vegetable: cabbage.
Call a Flower: Phone company executive: "Let's rename our `Dial a Daisy' program cauliflower."
Call Rabbi: To do your Bar Mitzvah, kohlrabi Goldstein.
Capers: The way that vegetable capers around, you'd think her crazy.
Car Rot: Rust is edible. After all, it is a form of carrot, but we don't carrot all.
Chardonnay: I used a leafy vegetable to make wine. I call it Chard-onnay.
Charred: My barbecue is a Philosopher's Stone of food. Meat gets turned into a vegetable: chard.
Clothes: I went to a strip club called Garlic. It's where people take their cloves off.
Commentator: Regular potatoes are great for calling sports games because they're common-taters.
Cucumber: What vegetable helps you to play snooker? A pool cucumber.
Currier and Ives: Paintings of people delivering vegetables would be made by Currier EndIves.
Dill Emma: If Emma found herself in a pickle, would that be a form of dilemma for her?
Disturbing the Peace: I was arrested at the supermarket and charged with harassing the vegetables. I got it knocked down to disturbing the peas.
Good: "Mama, I ate all my pumpkin and squash!" "Gourd for you, sweetie!"
Hale : Are vegetarians healthy? Kale and hearty.
Have an Arrow: Why didn't the pepper shoot his bow? Because he didn't habanero.
I Am (1): Popeye quote: "I yam what I am."
Let Us: Why won't you lettuce in to tell you Knock-knock jokes?
Peace: "All we are saying is give peas a chance."
Pie-romaine-ia: A person in Bucharest who is overly fond of burning pies made from lettuce has pyromania.
Ranch Dressing: Is cowboy clothing called ranch dressing?
Reddish: Cop: "What colour was the car that hit you? Bluish?" Pedestrian: "No, radish."
Roman: The new historical cookbook is called the Decline and Fall of the Romaine Empire.
Salary: Do vegetarians earn a higher celery than others?
Sasquatch: That tall, hairy fellow with the large feet who likes to hang around vegetable gardens and farms is called Sasquash.
Spare Gus: Asparagus and take me instead! Gus is my best friend!
Squash: What a pumpkin becomes when it hits the ground: Squash.
Sweet Potato: What do you call a yam in a hotel? A suite potato.
Turn Up: How do you find a vegetarian? Ask around, one will turnip.
Union: Ssh! It's time for the President's State of the onion speech!
Vegetable: Where do vegetarians eat their dinner? At the vege-table.