Ghosts
- Bamboo: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
- Boomerang: If a ghost throws a pie and it comes back and hits her in the face, that pie must be a boo-meringue. No doubt this joke will come back to haunt me.
- Boots: What scary things do ghosts wear on their feet? Boots.
- Booze: Are ghosts alcoholics because they like boos?
- Bouquet: A Halloween flower arrangement is a boo-quet.
- Boutique: Ghosts like to do their shopping in bootiques.
- Day Care: Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-Scare Centres.
- Haunting: The Ghost Choir sings haunting melodies.
- Hee-Haw: Is the favourite vintage TV show of ghosts Hee-Haunt?
- Honda: Is the ghosts' favourite brand of car a Haunta?
- Ice Cream: What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
- Lift the Spirits: An elevator makes ghosts happy because it lifts the spirits.
- Monday: Which day of the week is a ghost's favourite? Moanday.
- Ouzo: Do Greek ghosts like to drink Bouzo?
Halloween
- Halloween: If we all dressed up as angels on October 31, we could call it Haloween.
- Halloween: Do donkeys dress up for Hee-Halloween?
- Peek-a-Boo: 10-12 boos = 1 picoboo.
Jokes
- Dying: Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
- Gargoyle: What's a monster's favourite lubricant? Gargoil.
- Gobbling: Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
- Light Snack: Why did the monster eat a light bulb? Because he needed a light snack.
- Patch: How did the Great Pumpkin fix the hole in his pants? With a pumpkin patch!
- Poultergeist: What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist
- Purple Rain: For Halloween, I will get a brain gelatine mold, fill it with grape Jello, and dedicate it to Prince. It'll be a Purple Brain.
- Sculptures: Why did the skeleton go to the museum? It wanted to see the skulptures.
- See Himself: Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
- See Through: Why are ghosts such bad liars? You can see right through them.
- Trick or Treat: What do birds say on Halloween? "Trick or tweet!"
- Trick or Treat: What do NRA supporters say for Halloween? "Trigger Treat!"
Mummies
- Bound to Be: Mummies are bound to be uptight.
- Under wraps: Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Skeletons
- Banana: What is a skeleton's favourite fruit? A bone-ana.
- Gets Under the Skin: Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- Nobody: Why didn't the skeleton go out trick-or-treating? He had no body to go with.
- Nobody: Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Spare Ribs: What did the skeleton bring to the Halloween pot-luck? Spare ribs.
- Zamboni: Skeletons clean the ice with Zambonys.
Undead
- Antibodies: A zombie hunter has to have a strong immune system and be full of anti-bodies.
- Arm Is this: When the zombie armies finish fighting and declare a cease-fire, do any of them ask "Who's armistice?"
- Arms Race: I wonder what an arms race would be like in Zombie Territory? One would come in dead last.
- Body Spray: If the folks from The Walking Dead tossed a zombie into a wood chipper, they'd get a perfume: body spray.
- Brains: Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie who only eats Brians?
- Breakfast of Champions [ad slogan]: I wonder if "Breakfast of Champions" means something different in Zombie Country.
- Dead Ringer: If Marvel Comics gets desperate for a new character, they can create a zombie superhero who plays hand bells. They could call him Dead Ringer.
- Dead Tired: Zombies don't get exhausted, but they do get dead tired.
- Foot Loose: Should you be worried if a zombie starts singing "Footloose"?
- Goalie: Undead hockey and soccer teams have ghoulies to guard the net.
- Gravy: What do zombies put on their Halloween roasts? Grave-y. (And we shouldn't ask what the roast is…)
- Gulag: A Russian prison for the undead would be called a ghoulag.
- Hand Off: When zombies are playing football, you have to watch out for the handoff.
- Hantavirus: Can ghosts get sick with the hauntavirus?
- Heart Go Out: If a zombie is feeling sympathetic towards some people, does his heart go out to them?
- Heart on your Sleeve: Does an emotional zombie wear his heart on his sleeve?
- Jaw-Dropping: For a zombie, every surprise is jaw-dropping.
- Laughing his Head Off: What goes "Ha, ha, ha, plop"? A zombie laughing his head off.
- Limbo: Do zombies do the limb-o dance at parties?
- Lose Your Head: When a zombie gets really angry, does it lose its head?
- Pop Open: When a zombie wakes up, do its eyes pop open?
- Reece's Pieces: "Der Riese" is a game map in Call of Duty Black Ops Zombies. Would it be reasonable to call the shot-up zombies "Der Riese's Pieces?"
- Rest in Peace: The Westin hotel chain has opened a new hotel for zombies just in time for Halloween: the Westin Peace.
- Rise: Bread dough put in the oven should be called "Zombie", since the dead will rise.
- Throw Hands: When zombies want to fight, do they throw hands?
- Zamboni: The Undead Hockey League cleans its ice rinks with Zombonis.
Vampires
- Blood Bank: Where did the vampire open his savings account? At the blood bank.
- Coughing: When Dracula had a bad cold, why couldn't his wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin.
- Counts: Vampires aren't very good at math, unless you Count Dracula.
- Make Every Second Count: I got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us and it's time-sensitive, so I have to make every second count.
- Nectarine: What's a vampire's favourite fruit? Necktarines.
- Pain (bread) Staking: To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart. Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
- See Himself: Vampires will not get jobs cleaning mirrors. They just can't see themselves doing it.
- Stake Holders: If Dr. Van Helsing were to incorporate Vampire Hunters Inc, who would be the stakeholders?
- Stakeout: Vampires are not suited to be detectives because they don't like stakeouts.
Werewolves
- A Werewolf: When the Big Bad Wolf became a Buddhist and started meditating, he became even scarier. He was aware wolf.
- Moon: Never moon a werewolf.
- Werewolf: What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine? A wash and wear wolf.
Witches
- Fly off the Handle: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle.
- Spell Check: When a witch is proof-reading, is she doing a spell check?
- Spelling: What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.