Pun Dictionary: Joke Category

Ghosts

  1. Bamboo: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
  2. Boomerang: If a ghost throws a pie and it comes back and hits her in the face, that pie must be a boo-meringue. No doubt this joke will come back to haunt me.
  3. Boots: What scary things do ghosts wear on their feet? Boots.
  4. Booze: Are ghosts alcoholics because they like boos?
  5. Bouquet: A Halloween flower arrangement is a boo-quet.
  6. Boutique: Ghosts like to do their shopping in bootiques.
  7. Day Care: Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-Scare Centres.
  8. Haunting: The Ghost Choir sings haunting melodies.
  9. Hee-Haw: Is the favourite vintage TV show of ghosts Hee-Haunt?
  10. Honda: Is the ghosts' favourite brand of car a Haunta?
  11. Ice Cream: What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
  12. Lift the Spirits: An elevator makes ghosts happy because it lifts the spirits.
  13. Monday: Which day of the week is a ghost's favourite? Moanday.
  14. Ouzo: Do Greek ghosts like to drink Bouzo?

Halloween

  1. Halloween: If we all dressed up as angels on October 31, we could call it Haloween.
  2. Halloween: Do donkeys dress up for Hee-Halloween?

Jokes

  1. Dying: Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
  2. Gargoyle: What's a monster's favourite lubricant? Gargoil.
  3. Gobbling: Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
  4. Light Snack: Why did the monster eat a light bulb? Because he needed a light snack.
  5. Patch: How did the Great Pumpkin fix the hole in his pants? With a pumpkin patch!
  6. Poultergeist: What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist
  7. Purple Rain: For Halloween, I will get a brain gelatine mold, fill it with grape Jello, and dedicate it to Prince. It'll be a Purple Brain.
  8. Sculptures: Why did the skeleton go to the museum? It wanted to see the skulptures.
  9. See Himself: Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
  10. See Through: Why are ghosts such bad liars? You can see right through them.
  11. Trick or Treat: What do birds say on Halloween? "Trick or tweet!"
  12. Trick or Treat: What do NRA supporters say for Halloween? "Trigger Treat!"

Mummies

  1. Bound to Be: Mummies are bound to be uptight.
  2. Under wraps: Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps.

Skeletons

  1. Banana: What is a skeleton's favourite fruit? A bone-ana.
  2. Gets Under the Skin: Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
  3. Nobody: Why didn't the skeleton go out trick-or-treating? He had no body to go with.
  4. Nobody: Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
  5. Spare Ribs: What did the skeleton bring to the Halloween pot-luck? Spare ribs.
  6. Zamboni: Skeletons clean the ice with Zambonys.

Undead

  1. Antibodies: A zombie hunter has to have a strong immune system and be full of anti-bodies.
  2. Arm Is this: When the zombie armies finish fighting and declare a cease-fire, do any of them ask "Who's armistice?"
  3. Body Spray: If the folks from The Walking Dead tossed a zombie into a wood chipper, they'd get a perfume: body spray.
  4. Brains: Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie who only eats Brians?
  5. Counts: Vampires aren't very good at math, unless you Count Dracula.
  6. Dead Ringer: If Marvel Comics gets desperate for a new character, they can create a zombie superhero who plays hand bells. They could call him Dead Ringer.
  7. Dead Tired: Zombies don't get exhausted, but they do get dead tired.
  8. Foot Loose: Should you be worried if a zombie starts singing "Footloose"?
  9. Goalie: Undead hockey and soccer teams have ghoulies to guard the net.
  10. Gravy: What do zombies put on their Halloween roasts? Grave-y. (And we shouldn't ask what the roast is…)
  11. Gulag: A Russian prison for the undead would be called a ghoulag.
  12. Hand Off: When zombies are playing football, you have to watch out for the handoff.
  13. Hantavirus: Can ghosts get sick with the hauntavirus?
  14. Heart Go Out: If a zombie is feeling sympathetic towards some people, does his heart go out to them?
  15. Heart on your Sleeve: Does an emotional zombie wear his heart on his sleeve?
  16. Jaw-Dropping: For a zombie, every surprise is jaw-dropping.
  17. Laughing his Head Off: What goes "Ha, ha, ha, plop"? A man laughing his head off.
  18. Limbo: Do zombies do the limb-o dance at parties?
  19. Lose Your Head: When a zombie gets really angry, does it lose its head?
  20. Make Every Second Count: I got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us and it's time-sensitive, so I have to make every second count.
  21. Pop Open: When a zombie wakes up, do its eyes pop open?
  22. Reece's Pieces: "Der Riese" is a game map in Call of Duty Black Ops Zombies. Would it be reasonable to call the shot-up zombies "Der Riese's Pieces?"
  23. Rest in Peace: The Westin hotel chain has opened a new hotel for zombies just in time for Halloween: the Westin Peace.
  24. Rise: Bread dough put in the oven should be called "Zombie", since the dead will rise.
  25. Throw Hands: When zombies want to fight, do they throw hands?
  26. Zamboni: The Undead Hockey League cleans its ice rinks with Zombonis.

Vampires

  1. Blood Bank: Where did the vampire open his savings account? At the blood bank.
  2. Coughing: When Dracula had a bad cold, why couldn't his wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin.
  3. Nectarine: What's a vampire's favourite fruit? Necktarines.
  4. Pain (bread) Staking: To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart. Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
  5. See Himself: Vampires will not get jobs cleaning mirrors. They just can't see themselves doing it.
  6. Stake Holders: If Dr. Van Helsing were to incorporate Vampire Hunters Inc, who would be the stakeholders?
  7. Stakeout: Vampires are not suited to be detectives because they don't like stakeouts.

Werewolves

  1. A Werewolf: When the Big Bad Wolf became a Buddhist and started meditating, he became even scarier. He was aware wolf.
  2. Moon: Never moon a werewolf.
  3. Werewolf: What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine? A wash and wear wolf.

Witches

  1. Fly off the Handle: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle.
  2. Spell Check: When a witch is proof-reading, is she doing a spell check?
  3. Spelling: What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.

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