Pun Dictionary: Halloween Category

Africa

A Shanty: Ashanti is a crude shack usually found in a slum.
Ad Lib: Do people who can speak extemporaneously come from ad-Libya?
As One: When the Egyptians spoke in unison, they spoke Aswan.
Banjo: From a Geography song: "...I've come from Alabama with my Banjul on my knee."
Barbary: Are hair salons part of the Barbary States?
Been Gassy: "Why did you eat all that Beano?" "I've Benghazi."
Been In: I have Benin Africa for quite a while.
Call Harry: Harry's wife is sick? I'll Kalahari right away to tell him.
Camp Allah: A summer camp for Moslems could be called Kampala.
Can Go: Our visas are here! This means we Congo to Africa!
Can Ya: Bum in Africa: "Hey buddy, Kenya spare some change?"
Cartoon: Where to go in Africa to see "Tom and Jerry": Khartoum.
Chiropractor: I tried to walk like an Egyptian, but now I need to see a Cairo practor.
Gab On: The Geography students were asked to shut up, but they continued to Gabon.
Gonna: I studied really hard for this test and I know I'm Ghana get a good mark.
Guinea: I do not want to be a Guinea pig for your experiments.
He Gypped: "He short-changed me!" "Yes, Egypt you all right."
High Road: The sore mummy needed a Cairo-practor.
Hooray (2): "Let's hear it for Zimbabwe! Hip, hip, Harare!"
I Hear: "Language in Geography class is filthy!" "Yes, Zaire too much cussing around here too."
I'll Be Seein' Ya Later: A farewell from a traveller: "Abyssinia later."
I'll Cheer Ya: When you run the race I'll stand at the side and Algeria on to victory.
Jib Bootie: A person who makes footwear from sailcloth could be from Djibouti.
Libby A: "Libby wants a book." "Okay, give Libya Geography text."
Maulee: A person who mauls is a mauler. A person who is mauled is a Mali.
More Obtain: To obtain more of something, go to Mauretania.
More Rocco: "My husband Rocco is getting fat!" "I guess there's Morocco to love."
Neither: He got Niger a good mark nor a bad mark in Geography.
Nile: The Egyptians weren't destroyed, they were a-Nile-ated.
Noob: The part of Africa that supplies novice gamers is Nubia.
Ra Bat: Does the Egyptian god Ra play baseball with a Rabat?
Sea Shells: She sells Seychelles by the sea shore.
Sommelier: What do you call a wine professional from the horn of Africa? A Somalier.
Sudden: All of a Sudan the dust storm struck.
Sue Is: "I don't like Sue." "Yeah, Suez not a nice girl at all."
Tan Jeer: "Haw! Is that a suntan or did you fall in the mud?" This nasty comment could be called a Tangier.
The Car: I want to drive Dakar to work today.
Tim Buck Too: Fred and Tim are two horses. If Fred bucks, will Timbuktoo?
Toe Go: "My big toe fell off and now it's lost! Where did my Togo?"
Triple E: The cattle ranch with a brand like EEE is the Tripoli Ranch.
Tune This: I don't know how to Tunis piano. I'll get a pro to do it.
Turban: Sikh men are required by their religion to wear a Durban on their heads.
Victoria Falls: What happens when Victoria trips? Victoria Falls.
Volt: You'll get a charge out of rafting the Volta River.
You Can't: You dented my car! Uganda get away with this!

Antarctica

Voss Talk: "Miss Voss has a really high, squeaky voice." "Yes, it can sometimes be really painful to hear Miss Vostok."

Asia

Abu Dhabi: In the Harry Potterverse, would a house elf from the Middle East be called Abu Dobby?
Alma Ate A: "What did Alma eat?" "Alma Ata whole pizza all by herself!"
Amour: The French geographer's Asian river of romance is the Amur.
Ask Us: We've studied hard for this test. If you Oxus a question, we'll get the answer right away.
Buy Cal: "What shall we get Cal for Christmas?" "Let's Baikal an atlas."
Curse: The witch's evil Kursk made it impossible to pass Geography.
Go Bee: In the bee races, geographers shout "Gobi, go!"
Him A Lay A: Himalaya down to sleep, he pray the Lord his soul to keep.
Man to Lay: "He wants to know where to lay the floor tiles." "Tell the Mandalay them in the hall."
Me and My Shadow: Do Geographers in Southeast Asia sing "Myanmar Shadow"?
Of: Ob course I hab a cold. Why else would I tog this way?

Asia: China

Can Sue: Lawyer: "I can litigate." Geographer: "I Kansu!"
China: Geographers prefer to eat on fine China.
Cow-loon: If you're in Hong Kong and cross a bull with a waterfowl, would you get a Kowloon?
Hi, Nan: How to greet Nan in China. "Hainan!"
McCow: McDonald's gets its McBurgers from Macau.
Peeking: This is a Geography test! No Peking at another's paper!
Sinking: Rats are always the first to leave a Sinkiang ship.
Tie Bet: Any wager made that a game will be a draw is a Tibet.

Asia: East

For Most Of My Life: I have been studying Geography Formosa my life.
Tie One: Efficient Boy and Girl Scouts in Taipei will not tie two knots, just Taiwan.
Type A: I met a guy from Taiwan recently. He was really high-strung, definitely a Taipei personality.

Asia: Japan

Hawn Shoe: Goldie Hawn buys her footwear in Honshu.
Nip and Tuck: A name for a Japanese plastic surgery clinic could be Nippon Tuck.
Oh Say Can: How the Japanese begin the American national anthem: "Osaka you see..."
Ya Pan: "So, oldtimer, how did Japan for gold during the Great Far East gold rush?"

Asia: Korea

Career: I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
Inch On: All they could do was Inchon, step by step, until the ice was crossed.
Soul: I love this city, heart and Seoul.
Yellow: The sun in North Korea is not orange, it's Yalu.

Asia: Philippines

Battin': "Janet hit .675 in baseball today!" "That's a high Bataan average."
Losing: The team has been defeated 18 times in a row. They're on a real Luzon streak.
Manila: Is mail in the Philippines often delivered in Manila envelopes?
Minden Now: "Can't we go to Minden later?" "No! I want to go to Mindenao!"

Asia: South

Boot Tan: When a boot (or a ghost) turns brown in the sun, it has a Bhutan.
Burn A: To Burma house down on purpose is considered a crime.
Cobblestones: Are the streets of the capital of Afghanistan paved with Kabul-stones? Are they able to watch Kabul TV?
Mall Dive: "Where on earth would people put a diving board in a shopping mall?" "In the Maldive Islands, of course."
Nipple: One can find a Nepal on a woman's breast.
See Lawn: When the geographer looked at the grass in his yard, he exclaimed "I Ceylon!"

Asia: Southeast

An M: When writing the alphabet, one must put Annam after the letter "l".
Annoy: The Vietnam War used to Hanoi the Americans.
Cracked Toe: A broken foot appendage: Krakatoa.
Floors: Geography classrooms have ceilings, walls and Flores.
Have A: Java 'nother cup of coffee, matey.
Hi, Fong: How to greet Fong in Vietnam: "Haiphong!"
Hue: Corruption in the Vietnam government raised a great Hue and cry.
I Am (2): "Are you going to Thailand?" "Yes, Siam."
Indo Needs Ya: "Your friend 'Indo' is trouble! Indonesia right away!"
Lay Us: "Now we Laos down to sleep; we pray the Lord our souls to keep."
Me Kong: What the "gorilla your dreams" might say: "Mekong, you Fay Wray."
Pen: What does a Cambodian write with? A Phnom Penh.
Sarah Awake: Is Sarawak? She has to catch the school bus in 20 minutes.
Sigh Gone: The city of departed sighs is Saigon.
Tea More: "You haven't invited me to tea for a month!" "I really should invite you to Timor often."
Tie Land: The best country to buy men's neckwear is Thailand.

Asia: Turkey

Anchor A: It is generally not a good idea to Ankara boat until the engine is turned off.
Anna Told Ya: "What did Anna tell me?" "Anatolia to meet her at two o'clock."
Boss Pour Us: During "Role Reversal Day", the boss can be ordered around. For example: "Bosporous all a cup of coffee."
Is Mir: "What Izmir doing?" "Mir is going to kill the guy who writes these puns."
Turkey: Do people in Istanbul eat Turkey sandwiches?

Australasia

Ada Laid: "Where did Ada put the book?" "Adelaide the book on the table."
Alice Springs: Alice may seem dormant now, but when she has a cause, Alice Springs into action.
Appear: I hate surprise Geography tests. They just Apia out of nowhere.
Can Bear A: "Is she strong?" "Yes, she Canberra heavier load than I can."
Darling: The Australian river of love is the Darling.
Done Eating: After finishing a meal, a geographer says "I'm Dunedin."
Gone (1): When a typhoon hits, the residents of this island read the book Guam With the Wind.
Ho, Bart: How does Santa Claus greet Bart Simpson? "Ho, ho, Hobart, you've been a naughty boy this year!"
Loyalty: Friends from the Loyalty Islands will always stand by you.
Mel Born: You and your brother Mel were born in different hospitals. In which was Melbourne?
Purse: A Geography student turned into a petty crook-- a Perth snatcher.
Rabble: A disorderly mob of people in the South Pacific is a Rabaul.
Sandwich: A very edible island chain is called the Sandwich Islands.
Smores [snack]: Where in Papua New Guinea does one go for campfire snacks? Port Smoresby, of course.
Some More: Oliver Twist in Geography class: "Please, sir, I want Samoa."
Tahi Tea: This is not Earl Grey tea, it's Tahiti.
Tass Mania: The Geography Pun Test craze that hit the Soviet TASS reporters was called Tasmania.
Tongue: Doctors in the South Seas use lots of Tonga depressors.
Truck: Transporting things on the island of Truk comes naturally.

Canada

Acting: One can expect to find an active drama society in Acton.
Albert A: "What should we give Albert?" "If we give Alberta pun test, he'll kill us."
Alert: One must be Alert to drive a car safely at high speed.
Algonquin (Provincial Park): While camping at an Ontario provincial park, we ran out of beer. I turned to my friend Quinn and said "Algonquin!"
All My Children: The Lac St. Jean (Quebec) region's favourite soap opera is "Alma Children".
Am Herst: You are himst, I Amherst.
An Apple Is: "Mommy, what's an apple?" "Annapolis a large, red fruit."
Attic Coke Can: An empty can of Coca-Cola in an attic is an Atikokan.
Beaver Ton: What do you call 2000 pounds of beavers? A Beaverton.
Burn A Bee: "I like to burn wasp nests!" "You must be from Burnaby."
Bury (1): Let us make peace, Barrie the hatchet and get on with life.
Calendar: People always know what date it is in the town of Callendar.
Call Gary: Ellen: "How can I ask Gary out for a date?" Helen: "Just pick up the phone and Calgary."
Calling Wood: The best place to buy a phone made of maple is Collingwood.
Can So: "You cannot!" "I Canso!"
Candiac [Québec): You may never find a candy muskox or candy moose in Montréal's South Shore, but you will always find a Candiac.
Dawson Said He'd: If Dawson City'd do it then he will; his word is as good as gold.
Don: The Don river is the place to be at sunrise.
Dry Den: All other things being equal, a bear prefers a Dryden to a wet den.
Dunkin': The act of dipping a doughnut into one's coffee is defined by geographers as Duncan.
Elmer: A nemesis of Bugs Bunny was Aylmer Fudd, the hunter.
Ern Prior: "Did you visit Ern before you left?" "Yes, I saw Arnprior to my departure."
Err (1): To Ayr is human, to forgive (especially punsters) divine.
Exiter: A person using an exit is an Exeter.
Gander: What's good for the goose is good for the Gander.
Golden: The town of Golden, British Columbia must be pretty quiet, since "Silence is Golden".
Hamilton: The place to go to hear pigs recite Paradise Lost is Ham-Milton.
Hell Fax: A fax from Beelzebub could be called a Halifax.
Hem Low: I'll never understand women's fashions. Some years they have the Hemlo, other years the hem is high.
Hers: The male snake hissed, the female snake Hearst.
Hope: A familiar cliché of interior British Columbia: "Where there's life, there's Hope."
Horn Pain: A headache caused by awful trumpet playing is called a Hornpayne.
Kam Loops: Canned ham cut in rings: Kamloops.
Kitchen-er: A professional cook could be called a Kitchener.
La Bra Door: In order to get into Victoria's Secret, one must walk through Labrador.
Lost Her: I found the love of my life, I Gloucester and I found her again.
Lou Can: "But can Lou survive all those Pun Tests?" "If anybody can do it, Lucan."
Marathon: People in Marathon (Ontario) love to run to work.
Mark 'em: I've been marking students too lightly. I have to Markham harder.
Milton: One can always find a copy of "Paradise Lost" in Milton, Ontario.
Minus: A good place to do subtraction is Minas Basin.
Monk Ton: The new monastery should be built in Moncton.
Nana, I Mow: Grandma: "Who was the good kid who cut the grass?" Grandkid: "Nanaimo!"
Nippy Gone: When Mr. Nippy finally left, we said "Nipigon!"
Or Will Ya: Will ya do dis Orillia do dat?
Owen Sound: "I have a tape of Owen and myself singing. I sound great." "Yes, but how does Owen Sound?"
Pam Broke: "Did Pam break the window?" "Yes, Pembroke it with a baseball."
Pick Too: Freddy got to pick apples! I want to Pictou!
Razor: One can have many a close shave while white-water rafting in the Fraser River.
Red Dear: "Do you want the sofa in blue, sweetheart?" "No, I want it in Red, Deer."
Sass Tune: A song to sing while being sassy: Saskatoon.
Shar-pei [dog breed]: Which Canadian province has totally gone to the dogs? Shar-PEI.
Single: There is a little town in southwestern Ontario that isn't called Married, because it is Fingal.
Sis Catch One: "Did Saskatchewan rabbit?" "No, Sis caught two of them."
Swift Current: When a river is in flood, it has a Swift Current.
Thor Old: "The god Thor is more than 1000 years old." "Boy, is Thorold!"
Water: From a geographer parent: "Baby want a dwink of Wawa?"
Well Land: The opposite of Sickland is Welland.
White Horse: It wasn't a black stallion, it was a Whitehorse.
Win A Pig: First prize is a hog! How'd you like to Winnipeg?
Winds Are: In a hurricane, the Windsor very strong.
Winnipeg: The best place to hear a horse talking is Whinny-peg.
Would Stock: "What could convince you to stock the Amazing Wonder Widget?" "I Woodstock it if I knew it would sell."
Yellow Knife: "Is that a red knife?" "No, it's a Yellowknife".
You Can: Fred: "Can I do it?" Ned: "Of course Yukon."
You Reek (1): Fred: "As a geographer, what would you say if I were sprayed by a skunk?" Nell: "Eureka!"
Your Mouth: "If you can't say anything nice, keep Yarmouth shut!"

Europe

Ball Tick: "That ball is a clock!" "Yes, I hear the Baltic too."
Cert Sea: If the makers of Certs wanted to name a body of water, they'd call it the Surtsey.
Cypress: The Cyprus tree can be found in the swamps of Florida.
Help: "Do you need assistance?" "Yes, I need Alp to climb this mountain."
Monte Carlo: The place to go to gamble with fruit is del Monte Carlo.
Our Mania: We are the Caucasus Maniac Society. Armenia for today is puns.
Pole [North]: If a person really likes the song "Top of the World", does it mean s/he has Polish ancestry?
Pyra Knees: A group of mountaineers has three sets of knees, their left knees, their right knees and their Pyranees.
Russel's: "That map of Belgium belongs to Russel?" "Yes, it's Brussels map."
You're Up: Geography meets baseball: "Hey, you! Europe next at bat!"

Europe - Eastern

Checkmate: I married a chess grandmaster from Prague and got a Czech mate.

Europe: Balkans

Agrees: I don't want an argument. I'll be much happier if he a-Greece with me.
Bell Grade: Where are chimes rated? Belgrade.
Book Arrest: Reading an illegal book can lead to the so-called "Bucharest" by the Thought Police.
Boss Need A: "Does the Bosnia Tylenol?" "Yes, the boss has a big headache after that meeting."
Crete: The "Greek Cement Swindle" soon became known as the "con-Crete".
Crow Ate Ya: If a crow were to eat me, would you say to me "A Croatia"?
Diss Crete: "Crete is boring" + "Crete is ugly" = 2, at least in discrete mathematics.
Rodes: The island of Rhodes is known for its scenic highways.
Romania: The country that grows the most lettuce per capita is Romania.
Row Mania: When people go nuts about rowing, it's called Romania.
Salon: Nicky asked: "Where do Greeks get their hair done?" My response: "At Thessaloniki."
Serve Yourself: Sign at the salad bar: "Serbia self."
Split: My Geography prof has gone crazy. He has a Split personality.
Tyrannosaurus: What kind of dinosaur can you find in Albania? A Tiranasaurus Rex.

Europe: Eastern

Bouncing Cheques: Should a trampoline team from Prague call themselves the Bouncing Czechs?
Bud A Pest: "Budapest? Not at all! He's the nicest guy I know!"
Bug: The Bug River is known for its variety of insects.
Check: Robert keeps going on and on about his vacation to Prague. I wish that he would keep his enthusiasm in Czech."
He Stone Ya: "Did Estonia?" "Yes, bad boy Johnny threw rocks at me again."
Hungry: I haven't eaten for a day! I'm really Hungary!
Live Only A: My downtown apartment is great! I Livonia few minutes from work!
Lots: People in Poland have Lodz of problems to deal with now.
More of Ya: "I hate gaining weight!" "Don't worry. It just means there's Moravia to love."
Oder: A geographer who writes odes is an Oder.
Prognosis: "The Czech capital's economy will grow this year" is a good Prague-nosis.
Purple: I wonder if the favourite colour of Polish cat lovers is pur-Pole?
Rig An: What is the best way to Riga election?
Slow Vakia: The opposite of Fastvakia is Slovakia.
Uke Rain: A downpour of ukeleles could only occur in Ukraine.
When A: Vienna you going to finish this Geography test?
Worse: The Polish Pun Situation went from badda to Warsaw.

Europe: France

All Sass: "I cannot sass you for even one second?" "No! Alsace is forbidden!
Breast: It is difficult to keep a-Brest of all the new developments in Geography.
Cal Lay: "Tell Cal to install the carpet here." "Calais the rug in the study."
Cans: Do you prefer drinking from Cannes or from bottles?
Course He Can: Can a general become world-famous? Of Corsican.
Hardens: As concrete dries, it Ardennes.
Merci Beaucoup: Do you thank people in the south of France with "Marseilles beaucoup"?
Niece: A French girl can be a Nice, but never a nephew.
Paris: In poker, a Paris two of a kind.
Pick Hardy: Hardy wanted to be selected for the trip to northern France, so he shouted "Picardy!"
Ruin: Was the city of Rouen left in a shambles after World War II?
Sedan: A geographer's favourite type of car is a Sedan.
Some (2): "Somme Like it Hot" is a classic movie starring Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe.
To Lose: Go on, take the Geography of France course. What have you got Toulouse?
Too Long: "Your Citroen will be ready next week." "No, that is Toulon to wait!"
Wise Guy: A French smartass is a Oise guy.

Europe: Germany

Aching: "Do you hurt real bad?" "Yeah, I'm Aachen all over."
Danzig: A Cole Porter favourite of geographers is "Danzig in the Dark".
Keel (1): The Kiel keeps a sailing ship from tipping over.
Posing: It seems that all politicians are doing these days is Posen for pictures.
Pots Dam: Where would you be if you blocked a river with three huge turkey roasters? Potsdam.
Rhyme: Geographers make lousy poets: they have neither Rhine nor reason.
S and M: Kinky German geographers go for Essen M.
Sarcasm: It would be cruelly ironic if the Saar River had cut a really deep gorge in its path. Said gorge would be the Saar chasm.
Spree: After winning the lottery, the German geography prof went on a spending Spree.
Swabia: German Q-Tips are made in Swabia.
You, Nick: When selecting Charles and Nick, the prof said, "You, Charles and Munich."

Europe: Iberia

Caddies: The best place for golfers in Spain to find an assistant is Cádiz.
Civil: The Spanish Seville War was a nasty affair.
Hair-a Gone: What the Geographer said when he woke up bald. "Aragon!"
I Bury Ya: Do this homework now, lest Iberia under tons later.
Lead On: If Macbeth had been in Spain, his final challenge would have been: "Leon Macduff! ..."
Liz Bun: Liz opened a Portuguese bread shop, calling it the "Lisbon".
Never: James Bond movie set in Spain: "Never say Navarre again".
Pain: "Where does Fred hurt?" "Fred's Spain is in his lower back."

Europe: Ireland

Cork: The Irish city of Cork is really "into" making wine bottles.
Dairy: This Irish city has the best milk, cheese and butter: Derry.
Doubling: The Irish economy should always be in good shape, since its capital is always Dublin.
Higher Land: Ireland is the geographical opposite of Lowerland.
Kill Kenny: "Somebody shot at Ken? Who would want to Kilkenny?"

Europe: Italy

Happening: "Hey, dude, what's Apennine?"
I'll Pull You: If you get stuck in the Italian Mud, Apulia out.
My Land: Woody Guthrie in Italy would sing "This land is your land, this land is Milan…"
Piece Of (2): All I want is a Pisa the action.
Roam: Is the capital of Italy a good place to Rome around?
Ruby Con: The "great red gem swindle" became known as the Rubicon.
Sardine: Where to find the best sardines. Sardinia.
Sis Silly: My sister wants to balance an atlas on her nose while juggling three globes? Boy, is Sicily!
Tie Burr: "We caught Mr. Burr here stealing our Geography texts." "Well, Tiber up until the police get here."
Turn: One goes to Turin to change direction.
When Is (2): Fred is ten minutes late! Venice he going to show up?

Europe: Netherlands

Amsterdam: A good city to buy gerbils, mice and guinea pigs is Hamsterdam.
You Trekked: "I walked 10 km to meet you!" "Wow, Utrecht a long way!"

Europe: Russia

As Of: "Because you students have been getting bad grades, Azov now you will be getting more homework!"
Cry Me A: Sarcastic reaction to a sob story: "Crimea river!"
Merman: The Russian port city with lots of male sea folk is Murmansk.
Moss Cow: A bovine sculpture made from entirely from moss is a Moscow.
Rush In: Don't be hasty! Fools Russian where angels fear to tread!
Rush Ya: I don't want to Russia, but your essay is due tomorrow.

Europe: Scandinavia

As Low: Stealing candy from a baby? I never thought he'd sink Oslo as that.
Faroe Islands: Egypt and Denmark have something in common. In Egypt, the Pharaoh ruled for as far as his eye could see - the Pharaoh Eye-Lands. Denmark controls the Faroe Islands.
Finish: Did you manage to Finnish your geography homework?
He'll Sink Ye: Don't challenge a geographer to a boat battle. Helsinki for sure.
No Way: There's Norway I can do 100 geography questions for tomorrow.
Scan Da Navy In: Why do Swedish navy ships have big bar codes on the side? When they get into port, the Admiral can Scandinavian.
Scanned an Avian: The Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, i.e. It Scandinavian.
Sweeten: Sugar is added to Sweden your coffee.
Then Mark: First mark all these Geography tests, Denmark the labs.

Europe: Switzerland

Basil: Does the city of Basel have a lot of men named Herb?
Burn: If I make one more pun about Switzerland, they'll Bern me alive.
Plus: What's great about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

Europe: United Kingdom

Bath: In Bath, everything comes out in the wash.
Bill Fast: "Bill wants the report now!" "OK, I'll get it to Belfast."
Bucking Ham: The best place for a pig rodeo is Buckingham.
Can't: I Kent do any more of these geography tests.
Card Again: "Hold it! The Ace of Spades has already been played! Let's see that Cardigan!"
Card If: I'll only take a Cardiff I know it will give me better than three of a kind.
Corn Wall: When one makes a barrier from sacks of corn, one makes a Cornwall.
Dee: The Dee River in Scotland is letter-perfect.
Done Dee: "Ask Dee if she's finished." "Are you Dundee?"
Five: Scottish Geographer counting: "... two, three, four, Fife,..."
Glam Organ: Where in Wales will you find a church organ all decked out in sequins, ruffles and feathers? In the Vale of Glam-organ.
Glass Cow: A transparent silica bovine: Glasgow.
Have A Long: We may have come a long way, but we still Avalon way to go.
Hay Stings: "Does it hurt to poke hay in your eye?" "Yes, Hastings a lot."
I'll Stir: We can paint the room together. You stir the white paint and Ulster the red paint.
Jersey: On the island of Jersey, one may see cows wearing shirts.
Knotting Ham: Are macramé pigs made in Nottingham?
Leads: My Geography prof Leeds a double life.
Leads: A British city has gone missing. Police are currently looking for Leeds.
Lid: To close the jar, tighten the Lydd.
Liver Pool: England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Lund: When finished a lecture, Professor Lund says "London."
Mercy: Please, have Mersey! No more Geography puns!
My Darling Clementine: Filmmakers in Newcastle, UK, decided to make a Western-style movie about the discovery of shellfish in the local river. It will be called "My Darling Clam-in-Tyne".
Ork Knees: The most important leg joints of orcs are Orkneys.
Our Guile: We will have to use all our cunning and all Argyll to get around the Scottish tax laws.
Over (2): "I dropped my Geography textbook!" "Well, bend Dover and pick it up!"
Reading: One way to find out the news is by Reading the newspaper.
Silly: Punsters like the Scilly Isles best of all.
Sky (2): A tart in the Hebrides is a pie in the Skye.
Some Were Set: Describing the placement of objects: Somerset here and the rest were put over there.
Surreal (2): A weird painting of the English countryside might be described as Surrey-al.
Wails: The boy cried so much he was called the Prince of Wales.
Worster: An example of bad geography grammar: worse, Worcester, worstest.
Your: York kids are d-doing well in speech c-class.

Halifax

Arm Dale: "Is it wise to give Dale a gun?" "If we don't Armdale, how can he fight in the war?"
Bears: Fairytale popular in the Halifax area: Goldilocks and the Three Bayers.
Can Not: I can eat the Mackay Bridge!" "No, you Connaught! How would people get to Dartmouth?"
Haul This: "You want me to haul that stuff away?" "Yes, I want you to Hollis to the dump."
Kempt: After coming in from the windy outdoors, her hair was messy, out of place and un-Kempt.
Prince: Snow White at the photo shop: "Some day my Prince will come."
Quinn Pool: Where does Mr. Quinn do his swimming? In the Quinpool.
Rainy: Cold, damp, Rainnie weather can get very depressing.
Row Bee: When Mr. Bee was competing at the rowing regatta, his fans cheered him on by saying "Robie, row!"
Spring Garden: Haligonians grow their springs in a Spring Garden.
Tight As: "Is he sober?" "No, he's Titus a drum."
Tons: Why is an elephant like a Halifax university? Because both weigh TUNS.
Wise: It is not a Wyse idea to try crossing a bridge without paying the toll!

India

Bang Galore: At an Indian fireworks show, there are Bangalore.
Cal Cut A: "Cal is a great lumberjack!" "Oh? Can Calcutta redwood tree down in 10 minutes?"
Deli: This city might be a good place to find cheese and cold cuts: Delhi.
Go A: How to tell a pesky geographer to get lost: "Goa way."
In The A: India, er, event of a power failure, the geography exam will be, um, postponed.
Luck Now: I need to throw ten sixes to win. Boy, do I need Lucknow.
Mom, Buy: Do Indian children say "Mumbai me a toy!" at the store?
Pun Jab: If someone hits me after I tell a Geography joke, I would call it a Punjab.
Shania Twain: Should an Indian country/pop singer call herself Chennai-a Twain?
Sik Him: How to set a dog upon someone in India: say "Sikkim!"
Thar: Upon spotting the (mythological) Indian Desert Whale, you are supposed to say "Thar she blows!"

Middle East

A Den: Where does Geography Bear sleep? In Aden.
A Man: Geography prof: "I need Amman and a woman to do a report on Jordan."
Adding: He's so dumb that if he tried Aden two and two together, he'd get 22.
Babble On: "The Geography prof is a real windbag." "Yes, he really likes to Babylon."
Bag Dad: "Ask your father what he brought home from the store." "What's in the Baghdad?"
Bah, Rain: What the campers say when the weather gets wet. "Bahrain!"
Bay Root: That which keeps the bay plant from blowing away: Beirut.
Do Buy: "Should I get a new atlas?" "Oh yes, Dubai one. Yours is 20 years old!"
I Ran: Iran the Boston Marathon in ten hours. I guess I lost.
Is Real: "Is it fake?" "No, it Israel."
Kotter: A popular TV sitcom featuring the "sweathogs" was "Welcome Back Qatar."
Make a: Are people in Saudi Arabia neat, or do they Mecca mess?
Me Dinner: A geographer learned to cook because "I wanted to learn to make Medina."
Oh Man: You broke the window? Oman are you ever in big trouble!
Saudi Arabia: Would a lawn care company succeed in Soddy Arabia?
Syria: Israeli government's policy: one Syria, two/too serious.
They Ran: "Officer, they smashed the windows, grabbed the jewels and then Tehran off!"
Tiger Is: News today is from the zoo's big cat house where a Tigris still at large.
Tired (2): Exhausted people in Lebanon are Tyred out.
Tyrannosaurus: What kind of dinosaur can you find in Iran? A Tehrannosaurus Rex.
Ye Men: Oh come all Yemen to Bethlehem so ye may rejoice.

Misc

Accident: I didn't mean to break the atlas! It was an Occident!
Accident: When the ox charged and rammed the wall, it left a big Occident.
Ark Tick: "How can you tell that this ark is a clock?" "I can hear the Arctic."
At Last: There you are! Atlas I have found you!
Bering: He looked at the map to get a Bering on his direction.
Eaten: "Would you like a slice of my pizza?" "No thanks, I've already Eden."
Orient: I hate taking the subway. It always takes a while to Orient myself after I get off.
Where It's At: Geology rocks, but Geography is where it's at.

North America

Cube Of: I'd like a Cuba sugar for my coffee, please.
Do You Wanna: Mexican bums say "Tijuana give me some money?"
Eerie: This is a very spooky lake: Erie.
Green Land: Watching Mr. Green fly isn't as scary as watching Greenland.
Hate Tea: "Do you like coffee?" "Yes, but I Haiti."
Have a Nacho: Nachos were Mr. Cho's favourite snack. When he moved to Cuba, he became known as Havana Cho.
Hey, Man: "Hey, dude! What's happening?" "Cayman, I'm doing Geography Pun Tests!"
Ya Make A: "Did Jamaica cake for dessert?" "No, I made a pie."
Yucca Tan: If a yucca plant turns brown in the sun, the result could be called a Yucatan.

Physical

Abysmal: To oceanographers, things are never bad, they're Abyss-mal.
Ask Her: If you esker no questions, she'll tell you no lies.
Bay: Do oceanographers prefer Bay windows?
Bite (2): The oceanographer's bark is worse than his bight.
Brook: The jealous physical geography prof would brook no rivals.
Buy You: Geographer bar talk: "Hello handsome. Let me bayou a drink."
Can Al: "Mom, canal come over for dinner tonight?" "Of course. Al is always welcome to eat here."
Cape: Superman must have been a geographer, since he wore a cape.
Chanel: The preferred perfume of oceanographers is Channel No. 5.
Continent (1): Geographer babies need diapers because they're in-continent.
Creak: The geographer's floor squeaks and creeks.
Dessert: The evil Geography department head was overthrown and exiled to the Sahara. It was considered his just Desert.
Eye Land: The best place to find an optometrist is an Island.
Fault: Don't blame me for the earthquake! It's not my fault!
Flattery: A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Golf: The favourite sport of Geography profs is gulf.
Hilarious: Mountains are funny because they are hill areas.
La Goon: Pseudo-French for "the thug" is Lagoon.
Mary-Anna: When Anne and Mary dug a ditch, it was dubbed the Mariana Trench.
More Rain: When physical geographers complain about drought, they say "We need Moraine."
Plain: The flat grasslands are not fancy, they're plain.
Sentimental Journey: The favourite song of a geographer who studies rivers is "Sedimental Journey".
Sound: Audiophile geographers don't have stereos, they have "sound systems".
Step: Geographers like to dance the Two-Steppe.
Stream: Uttering a stream of curses, the raving Professor of Rivers was hauled off.
Tolls: "For Whom the Bell Atolls", a novel by Ernest Hemingway.
Weld: In Geography Shop class we learned how to Veldt metal together.

South America

Amazing: Favourite hymn of Brazil: "Amazon Grace".
Andy's: The classic TV show for mountaineers was Amos and Andes.
Believe Ya: How to accuse a geographer of lying: "I don't Bolivia."
Bra's Ill: You have a sick brassiere? Yes, my Brazil.
Chilly: Argentina is a bit cold this time of year. It's borderline Chile.
Equa-door: Is the gateway to South America through the Ecuador?
Far Away (2): Get lost! Go Paraguay from me!
Guy And A: A Guyana girl may become husband and wife.
Leave Me: "Go away! Get lost! Scram! Lima alone!"
Pampers (2): South American prairie diapers are Pampas.
Parana: Denizens of the Parana river can have a big bite.
Peruse: "One Peru two peruse" is the motto of a South American book club.
Rio de Janeiro: The official mustard of southern Brazil is Rio Dijon-eiro.
Venezuela: Are orcas, humpbacks and blues found near Venez-whale-a?
You're A Way Off: "The answer is 45, not 2! Uruguay off!"

Toronto

All In: Allen the Family was a TV sitcom featuring Archie Bunker.
All Ness: Elliot Ness' job seemed simple. Alness had to do was put Al Capone in jail.
Bluer: As the sun rises, the sky gets Bloor; as it sets, the sky gets blacker.
Cabbagetown: The place to shop for green leafy vegetables is Cabbagetown.
Call Edge: "Mr. Edge telephoned while you were out." "OK, I'll College right now."
Car Law: The Highway Traffic Act in Toronto is known as the Carlaw.
Dan Fourth: The son of Dan III and grandson of Dan II was called Danforth.
Don Lands: I have a cat named Don. Donlands on his feet when he falls.
Don Mills: Tom mills barley, but Don Mills wheat.
Done Das: "Ask Mr. Das if he's finished yet." "Are you Dundas?"
Duff Fur In: "Where should I put the fur of these duffs?" "Put the Dufferin the box so that nobody will steal it."
Fay Would: What about Fay? Do you think Faywood fall for a gorilla like him?
Front (2): Why travel the back streets, when we have Front Street?
Gardener: A Gardiner is a person who maintains flowerbeds and vegetable gardens.
Harbour: One would expect to find docked ships on Harbord Street.
I'll Be On: "Where are you going?" "Albion the roof putting on new shingles."
Keel (2): A sailboat has a Keele to keep it from tipping over.
Kipling: Best-selling old postcard: "Do you like Kipling? I don't know, you naughty boy. I've never Kippled!"
Kneel Son: "Are you going to knight me now, Dad?" "Nielson, so that I may dub thee Sir Roderick."
L Is: Ellis the twelfth letter of the alphabet.
Len's Down: "Hey Fred, where's Len?" "Lansdowne by the creek, fishing."
Lorentz: "No, no! Lorentz studied human behavior. Lawrence wrote poetry!"
Mc Call: A McTelephone at McDonald's is used to make a McCaul.
Mrs Auga: Mr. Auga is married to Mississauga.
Oak Wood: The tree which gives acorns to squirrels gives Oakwood to us.
Overly: This test is not fair! The questions are Overlea difficult!
Oz Good: What was Dorothy's opinion of the place where she met the Tin Woodman and Cowardly Lion? "Osgoode."
Parliament: By all rights, the legislature buildings should be on Parliament Street.
Runny Mead: "Do you like your mead jellied?" "No, I like Runnymede."
Scar Borrow: The scar lending service for makeup artists is in Scarborough.
Scarlet: There is no Red Road in Toronto, but there is a Scarlett Road.
Scholar: A lot of people with Ph.D. degrees live on Scollard St.
Sentinel: Lookouts and security guards live on Sentinel Road.
Shooter: Gunslingers from the Wild West buy their ammo on Shuter St.
Steals: Shakespeare in Toronto: "He who Steeles my work steals trash."
Sunny Side: "The Sunnyside of the Street" has long been a favourite song.
Temperance: The best place to be in a downpour is Temperance St., because it is always dry.
Universe Tea: The favourite tea of astronomers who study the cosmos is University.
Von: Herbert Vaughan Karajan was a famous conductor of classical music.
Warden: "When can I get out of jail?" "Ask the Warden."
Wells-ly: The opposite of Sickly Street is Wellesley Street.
Wood Buyin': A good street for purchasing lumber is Woodbine Ave.
Wrecks Dale: "I named my car Dale and it got run over by a steamroller." "I guess that Rexdale, doesn't it?"
Yonge: "I'm just not as Yonge as I used to be."
Your Mills: My mills are turning a nice profit. How are York Mills doing?
You're Crazy: "When I become Emperor of Toronto, I'll ban sitting!" "York crazy! Nobody will stand for it!"

USA

A Harbour: A port city will always be found where there is Ann Arbor.
Achoo [sneeze]: In which American state do people sneeze a lot? Mass-achu-setts.
Anchorage: An Anchorage is a place ships can stop out in the ocean.
And Over: A task is repetitive if you have to do it over Andover.
As We Go: We think that the best way to pay for a vacation in New York's Finger Lakes region is to pay Oswego.
Bakers Field: After the Great Open-Air Baking Competition, the meadow became known as the Bakersfield.
Ban Gore: "I refuse to allow slasher movies in my town!" "You mean you'll Bangor?"
Billings: Billings is known as the "Invoice Capital of the U.S.A."
Biz Mark: The grade of a Montanan school of business administration is a Bismarck.
Bolder: I wonder if people who study rocks in Colorado are Boulder and others more timid?
Bowled Over: When Jack met Jill, he Boulder over with his charm and wit.
Boys: Me and the Boise went out for a beer.
Burb Bank: The 'Burbs Savings and Loan Company is located in Burbank.
Can I: The question is, Kenai do any more geography tests without going berserk?
Cape Fear: This is a scary part of the world to be in: Cape Fear
Carmel: Those in California with a sweet tooth often go to Carmel.
Casper: "If dogs bark and sheep bleat, what do cats do?" "Casper."
Cat Skills: Purring, catching mice and meowing are all considered Catskills.
Charge Ya: That place is expensive! They'll Georgia arm and a leg!
Color: To which American state do crayons go for a vacation? Color-ado.
Con Cord: The Great Rope Swindle soon became known as the Concord.
Dell Aware: "Mr. Dell does not know of that either." "Is Delaware of anything anymore?"
Dodge City: It's very hard to hit people in Dodge City.
Fair Banks: The instant teller machines at the Geography Fair quickly became known as the Fairbanks.
Far Go: Is Fargo the place from which long journeys start?
Flint: Flint, Michigan is the "Sparks from Rocks Capital of the World".
Florida: An American state that produces both fluoride and flooring is Florida.
Hat Her Ass: Stella put a cap on her butt and said it came from Cape Hatteras.
Hell In A: Archaic expression: "Going to Helena hand-cart."
Hello: A typical Hawaiian greeting: "Hilo there."
Holy Oak: The Church of the Sacred Acorn can be found in Holyoke, Massachusetts.
Houston: The American city of colours is Hueston.
How Are Ye?: "I'm fine thanks, Hawaii?"
Hugh's Ton: The 2000-pound weight belonging to Hugh was called Houston.
I Can Saw: "Arkansas a tree down in ten minutes!" boasted the lumberjack.
I Owe A: "Iowa loan shark $10 000 and he's out to get me!"
I'd A Hoe: If Idaho I'd go over this garden right now.
I'll Ask Her: Alaska no questions and she'll tell me no lies.
Ill In Noise: "You got sick at the loud rock concert?" "Yes, I got Illinois."
Illusion: I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it was just an optical Aleutian.
I'm A Real Old: "I'm 84 years old! Amarillo man with a lot to say, so sit down and listen!"
Just a Peek!: "Aw, c'mon! Chesapeake?" "No! Not until Christmas!"
Ken Says: "What is Ken's opinion?" "Kansas it's fine by him."
Knocks Ville: There are no doorbells in Knoxville.
Know Him: As Bob's wife of 20 years, I think I Nome very well.
Len Sing: "Len is a terrific musician." "Yes, but can Lansing?"
Little Rock: A piece of gravel in Arkansas is a Little Rock.
Main: The water Maine broke and flooded the street.
Makin': "Where's Dad?" "He's in the kitchen Macon dinner."
Manta Ray: This fish is a manta ray, not a Monterrey!
Marry Land: The best place to get married is Maryland.
Mini Apple Is: Everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but who knows where the Minneapolis?
Mini Soda: The opposite of a huge soda is a Minnesota.
Minute: "Come on, we have to go!" "Just a Minot! I have to put away my atlas!"
Misery: I founded a company in St. Louis that makes Valentines Day cards. I named it the Missouri Loves Company.
Mitch Again: "Oh, no! It's Michigan!" "Why does Mitch keep bothering you?"
Mobile: Is Alabama the place to be if you're young and upwardly Mobile?
Moe Have: "Does Mohave a headache?" "Moe should, after getting beaned by that baseball."
Mrs Zippy: Mr. Zippy is married to Mississippi.
Nan Tuck It: "Nan doesn't know how to put the sheet on the bed." "Nantucket under the corners like in the hospitals."
New Ark: If Noah were reincarnated, he could go to New Jersey to build a Newark.
Oh's Ark: Ying Oh's Floating Menagerie was dubbed the "Ozark" by a clever punster.
Ore Gone: A good reason for a mine to close: Oregon.
Palm Springs: Are mattresses in the California desert made with Palm Springs?
Pass The Dinner: "Why is dinner at the far end of the table? Pasadena down here to me!"
Pencil Vain: Pencils that are pretty and they know it come from Pennsylvania.
Pits Burg: Because of the big holes in the roads, the city was called Pittsburgh.
Rainier: The weather in parts of Washington state goes from rainy to Rainier in winter.
Ralley: A favourite song of geography students: "Raleigh 'Round the Flag, Boys."
Rapid City: Do people in Rapid City live in the fast lane?
Raw Chester: Uncooked chester is Rochester.
Reno[vation]: Reno is the City of Home Improvements.
Road: Which American State has the most streets? Rhode Island.
Santa Cruise: If Santa Claus took a trip on the Love Boat, it would be called the Santa Cruz.
Sarah Soda: Sarah's fondness for cream soda got her the nickname Sarasota.
Sarah Toga: When Sarah wrapped herself in a bed sheet, it was promptly dubbed the Saratoga.
Spoken: I haven't Spokane to Mr. Washington for years.
Spring Field: Farmers grow springs in the Springfield.
Sue City: Where else to go to litigate but Sioux City?
Syra Cues: Pool sharks have pool cues, actors have dialogue cues, and geographers have Syracuse.
Tamper: It is a crime to Tampa with someone else's computer files.
Tennis See: "I play Tennessee, not dangerous sports like badminton."
Tex Has: "Why is Tex so grouchy?" "Texas a big headache."
The Coat A: "Do you want me to wash your jacket?" "Yes, give Dakota good cleaning, please."
The Hoe: To weed ta Geography garden, use Tahoe.
Times: Where is the best place in New York City to buy watches and clocks? Times Square.
To Peek At: Topeka someone's test is considered cheating.
Two Son: A parent in Arizona with two boys could call them Tucson.
Wacko: The people in this Texas town are not crazy, just Waco.
Walkie-Talkie: When phones first came to Milwaukee, were they called Milwaukee-talkies?
We Know: "You can't fool us! Reno what you're up to!"
Who's Your Daddy: I'm starting a DNA analysis company for Indiana residents called Hoosier Daddy.
Why Oming: "I have decided to call the process of writing Geography Puns 'Oming'." "Wyoming? ...Oh, never mind!"
You Know: Don't Juneau what the capital of Alaska is?
You May: Yuma think that punsters are crazy, but we're not!