Pun Dictionary: S Entries

S and M (Europe: Germany)
Kinky German geographers go for Essen M.
S.O.B. [son of a bitch] (Tom Swifties)
"There's a term for people like you," Tom sobbed.
Why does Esso have a tiger for a mascot instead of a bee (like Cheerios)? Because nobody wants to deal with an Esso Bee.
S.U.G. Jest (Tom Swifties)
"Let's play a joke on the Sun Users Group," Tom suggested.
Sabres (Hockey)
Members of the Sabres hockey team have the mistaken belief that the sword is mightier than the pun.
Said (Tom Swifties)
"Sure I've used the Unix stream editor," sed Tom.
"Swifties and palindromes don't mix," said Eve Dias.
Saints (Football)
The nicest, most caring people work for the Saints franchise.
Sal Ammoniac (Book Titles)
Wake Up!: Sal Ammoniac
Salamander (Book Titles)
Lizards of Fire: Sally Mander JA
Salamis (One-Liners)
The Battle of Salamis involved ships, not sausages.
Salary (Food)
Do vegetarians earn a higher celery than others?
Sale (Tom Swifties)
"Zo please tell us what you have for zale," said Tom zealously.
Sally Forth (Book Titles)
Get Out There!: Sally Forth
Salon (Europe: Balkans)
Nicky asked: "Where do Greeks get their hair done?" My response: "At Thessaloniki."
Salt (Chemistry)
Some say chemistry profs are the salt of the earth; others say otherwise.
Samba (Book Titles)
Latin Dances for Sheep: Sam Baa
Same Thing (Book Titles)
I Can't See The Difference: Sam Ting JG
Samurai (Book Titles)
A Warrior's Whiskey: Sam U. Rye
San Diego (Book Titles)
Southern California Waffles: Sandy Eggo JG
San Francisco (Book Titles)
Still Looking For My Heart: Sam Francisco JG
Sandwich (Australasia)
A very edible island chain is called the Sandwich Islands.
Sandy/Shelly Beach (Book Titles)
Summer Vacation: Sandy and Shelley Beach B
Sangria (One-Liners)
The drink that makes you mad is sangria.
Sank (Tom Swifties)
"I appleciate your lecommendation to take the Titanic," said Ichiro sankfully.
The Titanic was like the French number five: it cinq.
Sans Serif [font] (One-Liners)
Sansa Stark ran her boat aground on a font: the Sansa Reef.
Santa Cruise (USA)
If Santa Claus took a trip on the Love Boat, it would be called the Santa Cruz.
Sarah Awake (Asia: Southeast)
Is Sarawak? She has to catch the school bus in 20 minutes.
Sarah Soda (USA)
Sarah's fondness for cream soda got her the nickname Sarasota.
Sarah Toga (USA)
When Sarah wrapped herself in a bed sheet, it was promptly dubbed the Saratoga.
Sarcasm (Europe: Germany)
It would be cruelly ironic if the Saar River had cut a really deep gorge in its path. Said gorge would be the Saar chasm.
Sardine (Europe: Italy)
Where to find the best sardines. Sardinia.
Sasquatch (Food)
That tall, hairy fellow with the large feet who likes to hang around vegetable gardens and farms is called Sasquash.
Sass Tune (Canada)
A song to sing while being sassy: Saskatoon.
Satirical (One-Liners)
Any humour about a person who's part horse has to be satyrical.
Satis-Factory (Jokes)
Where are averages made? In the satisfactory.
Satyr (Tom Swifties)
"You resemble a goat," said Tom satirically.
Saudi Arabia (Middle East)
Would a lawn care company succeed in Soddy Arabia?
Save Your Breath (Book Titles)
Stop Arguing: Xavier Breath
Saves (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross an evangelist with a hockey puck? A puck that saves itself.
Saving Private Ryan (Misc)
My friend Ryan could star in a reality show about his quest for the perfect jock-strap. It could be called "Saving Ryan's Privates".
Saw It (Two-Liners)
I can cut a tree in half just by looking at it. I saw it with my own eyes!
Saw Such (Food)
What were you doing in the kitchen? I never sausage a mess!
Saw your Scanties (Book Titles)
Peeping Tom: Sawyer Scanties JG
Saw-See (Tom Swifties)
"The seesaw is upside down," said Tom saucily.
Say The (Greek Letters)
Just zeta magic word and poof, you're a genius.
Say the Word (Book Titles)
Ready...Set...: Sadie Word JG
Says (Mathematics)
"I'm the master of French numbers!" "Says who?" "Seize me!"
Scan Da Navy In (Europe: Scandinavia)
Why do Swedish navy ships have big bar codes on the side? When they get into port, the Admiral can Scandinavian.
Scan them (Chemistry)
How a chemist digitizes photos: she Scandium.
Scanned an avian (Europe: Scandinavia)
The Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, i.e. It Scandinavian.
Scanty (Tom Swifties)
"Those Victoria's Secret models aren't wearing much," said Tom with scanty praise.OK
Scar Borrow (Toronto)
The scar lending service for makeup artists is in Scarborough.
Scarlet (Toronto)
There is no Red Road in Toronto, but there is a Scarlett Road.
Scavenger Hunt (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a vulture with a small grass house? A scavenger hut.
Scent 'Em (Mathematics)
What a bloodhound does while chasing a woman: Centre.
Scholar (Toronto)
A lot of people with Ph.D. degrees live on Scollard St.
Scores (Sports)
Classical composers like Verdi and Rossini would have been good at sports, as evidenced by the scores they created.
Scot-free (Book Titles)
How To Beat A Murder Rap: Scott Free JG
Scotland Yard (Book Titles)
Holmes Does It Again: Scott Linyard JG
Scramble (Tom Swifties)
"I stole some eggs; how would you like them?" asked the poacher as he scrambled away.
Scream (Computers)
When frightened, a common reaction of a person is to screen.
Screech [of tires] (Tom Swifties)
"STOP!!!" Tom screeched.
Scull (Anatomy)
"You row with your head? Nonsense!" "Not at all. I skull."
Sea Date (Tom Swifties)
"I'm going out with a mermaid tonight," said Tom sedately.
Sea Shells (Africa)
She sells Seychelles by the sea shore.
Seal (Animals)
This pun book has the seal of approval of the International Save the Pun Foundation.
Seasoned (Expressions)
The soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran.
Second (Misc)
Clockmakers never win races. They always come in second place.
Second Fiddle (One-Liners)
A guy threw away a violin made from watches because he didn't want to be second fiddle to anyone.
Second Guest (Tom Swifties)
"So only one person arrived at your party before I did?" Tom second-guessed.
Second Hand (Jokes)
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook? From the second hand store.
Where does a clock maker buy spare parts? From the second hand store.
Secrete (Tom Swifties)
"I can't tell you anything about my salivary glands," said Tom secretively.
Sedan (Europe: France)
A geographer's favourite type of car is a Sedan.
Sedans (One-Liners)
"The Waltz of the Cars" could be called the "Sedance".
See How he Runs (Book Titles)
Joe Wins at a Track Meet: C. Howie Runns m
See Kay Undress (Book Titles)
The Peeping Tom: C. K. Undress JG
See Lawn (Asia: South)
When the geographer looked at the grass in his yard, he exclaimed "I Ceylon!"
See Light (Geology)
How to insult a geologist: look into his ear and say "I scheelite!"
See More Buns (Book Titles)
Full Moon: Seymour Buns
See More Butts (Book Titles)
Under the Bleachers: Seymour Butts l
See More Clearly (Book Titles)
The Optician's Guide: Seymour Clearly A
See Myself (Two-Liners)
I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I can see myself doing.
See None (Chemistry)
"Do you see Waldo and his friends?" "I xenon of them."
See Straight (Expressions)
How about the guy who got so drunk at the Gay Pride parade that he couldn't see straight?
See The (Greek Letters)
Can you theta rainbow? Ithn't it pwetty?
See Well (Jokes)
Why did the old man fall in the well? He couldn't see that well.
Seedy (Misc)
When I saw a pile of CD-ROMs on a co-worker's desk, I asked him if he was from a CD part of town.
Seems (Clothing)
Welcome to the Surrealist Clothing Shop, where nothing is as it seams.
Seen Them All (Expressions)
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Seen ya Before (Book Titles)
That Woman Gives Me Deja-Vu: Xena Before A
Seize (Mathematics)
As the French numbers say, "Carpe Diem! Six the day!"
Seize them (Chemistry)
What the cops did to the chemist's illegal drugs: Cesium.
Self-Efface [erase] (Tom Swifties)
"Look what I can do with this eraser!" said Mickey Mouse self-effacingly.
Selfish (Tom Swifties)
"No, you can't have any of my oysters," said Tom shellfishly.
Self-Right (Tom Swifties)
"I was in my kayak, practising my eskimo roll," said Tom self-righteously.
Self-Satisfy (Tom Swifties)
"Of course I still masturbate," said Tom with a look of self-satisfaction.
Sell my Soul (Book Titles)
What Mephistopheles Did: Thelma Soul
Sell-Out Crowd (Expressions)
Is an audience of traitors, turncoats and quislings a sell-out crowd?
Semi-Literate (Book Titles)
Dan Quayle's Englush Skils: Sammy Literate
Sensational (One-Liners)
My karate teacher was not just excellent, he was sensei-tional.
Sense (Money)
Common cents should be a guiding force in investment.
Senses (Tom Swifties)
"Of course I can be seen, heard, and smelt," said Tom sensibly.
Sentence (One-Liners)
A prisoner's favourite punctuation mark is the period because it marks the end of his sentence.
Sentimental Journey (Physical)
The favourite song of a geographer who studies rivers is "Sedimental Journey".
Sentinel (Toronto)
Lookouts and security guards live on Sentinel Road.
Seoul (Tom Swifties)
"South Korea has a lovely capital city," said Tom soulfully.
Serengeti (One-Liners)
The best way to wrap up a safari is a trip to the Saran-geti.
Serge Suit (Book Titles)
Tailoring: Serge Soote JG
Sergeant At Arms (Book Titles)
Guarding the Door: Sergeant Atarms l
Serial killer (Jokes)
What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.
Series (Astronomy)
Astronomers and baseball can mix, witness the World Ceres.
Serve Yourselfe (Europe: Balkans)
Sign at the salad bar: "Serbia self."
Service (Meteorology)
The cirrus in this restaurant is terrible.
Set (Mathematics)
I've collected all of the French numbers! I have the full sept!
Sewerage Pipe (Book Titles)
Waste Water: Sue Ridgepipe v
Sex Offender (Jokes)
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.
Shake (Food)
What to drink after experiencing an earthquake: Shakes.
Shake a Leg (Book Titles)
Get Moving!: Sheik Aleg
Shaken, But not Stirred (Tom Swifties)
"I didn't have much of a feeling for the James Bond movie I watched during an earthquake," said Tom, shaken but not stirred.OK
Shaky Ground (Expressions)
I forgot to study for my exam on earthquakes and soon found myself on shaky ground.
Sham Pain (One-Liners)
The problem with champagne is that too much of it will create realpagne. But it's the journey, not the destination, right?
Sham Rock (Geology)
It's never a good idea to give a shamrock to a geologist, even on St. Patrick's Day.
Shamrock (One-Liners)
Detractors of Nickelback say they're perfect for St. Patrick's Day because they play sham-rock.
Shania Twain (India)
Should an Indian country/pop singer call herself Chennai-a Twain?
Share (Money)
The stock broker always has a preferred share he or she likes to sit in.
Share And (1) (Astronomy)
Generous astronomers believe in the phrase "Charon share alike".
Share And (2) (Names)
A famous cliché‚ learned in kindergarten: Sharon share alike.
Share and Share Alike (Book Titles)
Rules For Living: Sharon Sharalike JG
Sharks (Hockey)
Never borrow money from hockey loan Sharks.
Sharp (Tom Swifties)
"This is life on the cutting edge," said Tom sharply.
Sharp [music] (Tom Swifties)
"We're not in tune. Are you sure you aren't singing flat?" asked Tom sharply.
Shar-pei [dog breed] (Canada)
Which Canadian province has totally gone to the dogs? Shar-PEI.
She Can't (Mathematics)
Can a female mathematician turn into a mushroom? No, secant.
Sheba (One-Liners)
Can a ewe be the Queen of Shebaa?
Sheepish (Tom Swifties)
"I just bought a wool sweater," said Tom sheepishly.
"Mutton makes men macho," bleated Tom sheepishly.
She'll (Geology)
I'll tell her that rock puns are great, but shale just ignore me.
She'll Be (Book Titles)
What's Going to be Happening Around the Mountain?: Shelby Coming.
Shift [clothing] (Tom Swifties)
"How do you like my petticoat?" asked Mary shiftlessly.
Shift Work (Two-Liners)
I've found a job helping a one-armed typist with capital letters. It's shift work.
Shirt (Geology)
The geologist played poker, but wound up losing his chert.
Shit Zoo (Two-Liners)
A man walked into a zoo, but the only animal there was a dog. It was a shitzu.
Shock and Awe (Expressions)
Defibrillators are an example of "shock and awe". You shock the patient, and say "Aww, yay!" if it works, or "Aww, crap!" if it doesn't.
A Pikachu is an adorable Pokémon that also packs a potent zap attack. It's the Pokémon equivalent of "Shock and Awww".
Shoes and Socks (Book Titles)
Foot Coverings: Susan Socks JG
Shoo (Clothing)
"Get lost, you mangy mutt! Scram! Shoe!"
Shoot the Breeze (Expressions)
Chat with friends or murder cheese; either way we shoot the bries.
Shooter (Toronto)
Gunslingers from the Wild West buy their ammo on Shuter St.
Shopping List (1) (Book Titles)
Classic Groceries: Chopin Liszt l
Shopping List (2) (Music)
What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A Chopin Liszt.
Short (One-Liners)
An article of clothing best avoided by electricians is shorts.
Short For (Expressions)
What's E.T. short for? Because he's only got little legs.
Short Stop (Baseball)
To make a shortstop in an emergency, slam on the brakes.
Shortly (Tom Swifties)
"I'll be there to see the Munchkins," said Tom shortly.OK
Shotgun (Dentist)
When going for a car ride, the dentist always calls "shotgum".
Shotput (Sports)
Sports Mathematics: Golf + Marksmanship = Shot Putt.
Shots Ring Out (Jokes)
Whenever a customer asked a bartender for a shooter, he rang a bell. When asked why, he said "And suddenly, a shot rang out."
Shrink Wrap (One-Liners)
If a psychiatrist started to channel Tupac, would that make her a shrink wrap?
Sick More (Trees/Shrubs)
His health is rapidly deteriorating. Instead of getting better, he just gets sycamore.
Sigh Gone (Asia: Southeast)
The city of departed sighs is Saigon.
Sighs (Greek Letters)
Why are elephants so large? Because of their great psi's.
Sighs-mograph (One-Liners)
The elephant was so depressed that his huge sighs were picked up on seismographs.
Sign (Mathematics)
A mathematician's pickup line at a singles bar: "Hey, baby, what's your sine?"
Sign Us (Anatomy)
There are spots available in the dissection course? Well, sinus up for it!
Significant [digit, math] (Tom Swifties)
"Since the leftmost bit of a normalized mantissa is always 1, let's just omit it," said Tom significantly.
Signs Were There (One-Liners)
I refused to believe that my father stole from his job as a roads worker, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
Sik Him (India)
How to set a dog upon someone in India: say "Sikkim!"
Silly (Europe: United Kingdom)
Punsters like the Scilly Isles best of all.
Silly Con (Chemistry)
What you get if you put a comedian in jail: Silicon.
Silver (Chemistry)
How did the Lone Ranger injure the fortune teller? He crossed her palms with Silver.
Sin Bar (Geology)
The bar where mineralogists break the Ten Commandments: the cinnabar.
Sin Optics (Meteorology)
The study of the properties of light in an evil medium is called synoptics.
"Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart," say the synoptic Gospels.
Sin Sears (Tom Swifties)
"I just shoplifted from a major department store," said Tom sincerely.
Sin Tactics (Tom Swifties)
"I studied law to learn ways to avoid getting caught," said Tom syntactically.
Single (Canada)
There is a little town in southwestern Ontario that isn't called Married, because it is Fingal.
Single Mind (Tom Swifties)
"I've had a hemisphererectomy," said Tom single-mindedly.
Single Minder [as in mind the kids] (Tom Swifties)
"My mother was unmarried and brought me up all by herself," said Tom single-mindedly.
Single Mine (Tom Swifties)
"All these years prospecting, and all I have to show for it is the deed to this hole in the ground under my outhouse that otherwise ain't worth nuthin'," said Tom single mine diddly squat.
Sing-Song (Tom Swifties)
"Look at that monster's sandals!" said Tom in a thing-thong voice.
Sink (Chemistry)
What a ship does when it's torpedoed: Zinc.
Sinking (Asia: China)
Rats are always the first to leave a Sinkiang ship.
Sin-Nick (Tom Swifties)
"If the name 'St. Nicholas' for Santa Claus, and the name 'Old Nick' for the Devil, both derive from the Teutonic sea god Hold Nickar, what does that tell us about Santa Claus?" asked Tom cynically.
Sin-Til-Late (Tom Swifties)
"Let's orgy all night!" said Tom scintillatingly.
Sir Kitt (Physics)
After Mr. Kitt had been knighted, he was called circuit.
Sir Kull (Mathematics)
A knight of the Mathematical Round Table was Sir Kull.
Sir Mise[r] (Tom Swifties)
"That penny pincher always wants to be addressed in a formal manner," Tom surmised.
Sir Ten (Tom Swifties)
"The number after nine must be knighted," said Tom certainly.
Sirius [star] (Tom Swifties)
"Boy, that's a bright star," said Tom seriously.
Sis Catch One (Canada)
"Did Saskatchewan rabbit?" "No, Sis caught two of them."
Sis Silly (Europe: Italy)
My sister wants to balance an atlas on her nose while juggling three globes? Boy, is Sicily!
Sit Down (Book Titles)
...And Shut Up!: Sid Downe JG
Skid (Cars)
The alcoholic race car driver wound up on skid row.
Skid [transporting goods] (One-Liners)
People who operate pallet jacks can truly say that their life is on the skids, and that they live on Skid Row.
Skip (Names)
I enjoy jumping rope: Skip.
Skip to my Lou (Book Titles)
Children's Songbook: Skip Tumalu JG
Skirt (Clothing)
Garment makers are natural politicians, since they can skirt the issues with ease.
Skittish (One-Liners)
People in improv troupes don't get nervous, but they do get a little skittish.
Skull (Sports)
To use your head while rowing: Scull.
Sky (1) (Anatomy)
What a pilot tells an overambitious date: "The thigh is the limit!"
Sky (2) (Europe: United Kingdom)
A tart in the Hebrides is a pie in the Skye.
Slays (Christmas)
Haw-haw! Christmas puns are so funny, they absolutely sleigh me!
Sleep [from ether, an anaesthic] (Tom Swifties)
"I just can't use Ethernet too often," said Tom sleepily.
Sleepers [pyjamas] (Expressions)
If I were to make a film called "Pyjamas!", would it become a sleeper hit?
Slipper (Food)
Footwear made from banana peels could be called slippers.
Slow Vakia (Europe: Eastern)
The opposite of Fastvakia is Slovakia.
Slowin' Down (Book Titles)
"Deceleration!": Sloane Down
Slow-Mo Replay (Book Titles)
Let's see That Again!: Schlomo Replay
Sly [nickname for Sylvester] (Tom Swifties)
"Listen to my Stallone impression," said Tom slyly.
Smarty Pants (Book Titles)
Quips For The Young At Heart: Marty Pants JG
Smelled (Animals)
Response to fishy flatulence: "He who smelt it, dealt it!"
Smoking a Joint (Expressions)
"Ow! My knee hurts so much, it feels like it's on fire!" "Whoa, man, are you smoking a joint?"
Smores [snack] (Geography)
Where in Papua New Guinea does one go for campfire snacks? Port Smoresby, of course.
Snap [photograph] (Tom Swifties)
"I'll use my camera if I want to," Tom snapped.
Snappish (Tom Swifties)
"I don't want Crackle or Pop!" said Tom Snappishly.
Snarl [tangle in hair] (Tom Swifties)
"This brush isn't helping my hair one bit," Tom snarled.
Snort [inhale powder through nose] (Tom Swifties)
"Cocaine? Me? Never touch it!" Tom snorted.
So Depressing (Expressions)
I had a job crushing pop cans. It was soda pressing.
So He Did It (Book Titles)
It was Him!: Zoe Didit A
So What Else is New (Expressions)
Bored big game hunter's complaint: "So what else is gnu?"
Soap Opera (Expressions)
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
Sob (Cars)
A tale of misery and woe about a bad car is a Saab story.
Sober [brand of something?] (Tom Swifties)
"Yes, I'm THAT strongly built," said Tom soberly.
Sock (Clothing)
To hit people with footwear is to sock it to them.
Sock Her (Sports)
Fran: "Sally hit Molly!" Jan: "I've been wanting to soccer myself for quite a while."
Socrates (One-Liners)
A philosopher who would have liked kicking a ball around was Soccer-ates.
Soft (Jokes)
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Soft [bike wheel] spoke (Tom Swifties)
"My bicycle wheel is melting," Tom spoke softly.
Sold Out (Expressions)
I went to the toy store to get a Benedict Arnold Action Figure, but it had sold out.
Sole (1) (Anatomy)
Do lonely feet sing "O sole mio?"
Sole (2) (Astronomy)
He was the Sol survivor of the rocket explosion.
Solicit Us (Tom Swifties)
"No, I have NOT had enough!" said Tom solicitously.
Solitary (Book Titles)
All Alone: Saul E. Terry
Some (1) (Anatomy)
Thumb uf uth can't thpeak pwoperly.
Some (2) (Europe: France)
"Somme Like it Hot" is a classic movie starring Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe.
Some Enchanted Evening (1) (Book Titles)
Songs from 'South Pacific': Sam and Janet Evening
Some Enchanted Evening (2) (Food)
A school of monkfish wanted to join the Gregorian Order. Their first song was "Salmon Chanted Evening".
Some Enchanted Evening [song] (Food)
Do Gregorian fishermen in the South Pacific sing Salmon Chanted Evening?
Some More (Australasia)
Oliver Twist in Geography class: "Please, sir, I want Samoa."
Some Were Set (Europe: United Kingdom)
Describing the placement of objects: Somerset here and the rest were put over there.
Sore (Two-Liners)
A conversation in Valhalla: "I am Thor!" "Here, have thome athpirin."
Sore and Red (Book Titles)
Too Rough: Soren Redd JG
Sot (Tom Swifties)
"Okay, sho I drank too much," said Tom, sotto voce.
Souffle (Book Titles)
The French Chef: Sue Flay JG
Soul (Asia: Korea)
I love this city, heart and Seoul.
Sound (Physical)
Audiophile geographers don't have stereos, they have "sound systems".
People who snore are sound sleepers.
Sound Off (Tom Swifties)
"I am so singing in tune," Tom sounded off.
Sour Puss (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
Soviet Union (Book Titles)
Defunct Nations: Sophie Etunion JG
Spare [bowling] (Tom Swifties)
"Hah! I got that ten pin down!" said Tom sparingly.
Spare Gus (Food)
Asparagus and take me instead! Gus is my best friend!
Sparingly (Tom Swifties)
"I'm glad I had an extra wedding band," said Tom sparingly.
Spec[tacles] (Tom Swifties)
"The optician probably doesn't have my glasses ready," Tom speculated.
Specimen (Tom Swifties)
"Hah! I've got that animal pegged!" Tom specified.
Spectacle (Two-Liners)
Did you hear about the optician at the party? Two glasses and he made a spectacle of himself.
Spell Disaster (Expressions)
I just swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Spell it Out [expression] (Tom Swifties)
"I-t. O-u-t," said Tom, having to spell it out for people.
Spelling (Jokes)
What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
Spelling Bee (Jokes)
What's more amazing than a talking dog? A spelling bee!
Spiked Drink (Book Titles)
The Senior Prom: Spike Drink JG
Spinal (Geology)
Fracture of the spinel column usually results in paralysis.
Split (Europe: Balkans)
My Geography prof has gone crazy. He has a Split personality.
Spoiled (Jokes)
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.
Spoiler (Cars)
A mechanic who ruins things for people is a spoiler.
Spoken (USA)
I haven't Spokane to Mr. Washington for years.
Spot Check (One-Liners)
Putting a plaid suit on a leopard could be called a spot check.
Spots (Jokes)
How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
Spotted (Jokes)
Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't want to be spotted.
Leopards are seldom seen, but usually spotted.
Spree (Europe: Germany)
After winning the lottery, the German geography prof went on a spending Spree.
Spring (Jokes)
What's a three-season bed? One without a spring.
Spring Field (USA)
Farmers grow springs in the Springfield.
Spring Garden (Halifax)
Haligonians grow their springs in a Spring Garden.
Spying (Anatomy)
That KGB agent has been spine on us.
Square Meals (Mathematics)
The other shapes are cannibals because they eat three square meals a day.
Squash (Food)
What a pumpkin becomes when it hits the ground: Squash.
St. Patrick's Day (One-Liners)
Baseball players celebrate St. Bat-Trick's Day.
Stable (Animals)
Darn kids. I had to take one to the hospital because he's somehow gotten 6 plastic horses stuck up his ass. Doctors described his condition as stable.
Two horses got divorced because they didn't have a stable relationship.
Stair (Tom Swifties)
"Boy, I wish the elevator were working," said a tired Tom, staring up to the top.
Stake (Food)
You'll never see a vampire eat this: Steak.
Stake Holders (One-Liners)
If Dr. Van Helsing were to incorporate Vampire Hunters Inc, who would be the stakeholders?
Stakes are High (Animals)
Would a combined marijuana and cattle farm be a high steaks enterprise?
Stalking (Clothing)
News headline: "Psychopath tailor stocking the streets! Who will he attack next?"
Stand by your Man (Book Titles)
Make your Marriage Work: Stan Byerman z
Stand Off (Tom Swifties)
"Hey, you're standing on my foot!" said Tom standoffishly.
Stand Them [Tin's Latin name is Stannum] (Chemistry)
Puns on tin? I can't stannum!
Stand Up (Book Titles)
Life As A Comic: Stan Dupp JG
Stand Well Back (Book Titles)
Making Explosives: Stan Wellback o
Stanford (Book Titles)
West Coast Universities: Stan Ford JG
Stanley Cup (Book Titles)
NHL Hockey: Stanley Kupp JG
Star of the Show (One-Liners)
The credits of the movie "Eclipse" give the Sun top billing, because it is the star of the show.
Stationary (Misc)
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Stealers (Football)
Members of this team have a reputation for kleptomania: Steelers
Stealing (Baseball)
Anywhere else but a ball park, stealing is a crime.
Steals (Toronto)
Shakespeare in Toronto: "He who Steeles my work steals trash."
Steer (Cars)
"Joe tried to take the turn too fast, lost control and rear-ended the cow!" "I guess that was a bum steer!"
Step (Physical)
Geographers like to dance the Two-Steppe.
Stereo Types (Tom Swifties)
"Well, monaural and quadriphonic systems are the exception," said Tom stereotypically.
Stereo-Typing (One-Liners)
People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren't idiots. That would be stereotyping.Pun.me
Stern [nautical] (Tom Swifties)
"I'll be at the back of the boat," said Tom sternly.
Stethescope (Book Titles)
The Telltale Heart: Stefi Scope JG
Stevedore (Book Titles)
Working on the Docks: Steve Door
Stew (Names)
This man, alas, is really into pot: Stu.
Stew Pots (Book Titles)
Things to Cook Meat In: Stu Potts
Stick (Hockey)
An old-fashioned hockey player is a stick-in-the-mud.
You can trust a glue salesman. He tends to stick to his word. With what do hockey players glue things together? Their sticks.
Sticky (Tom Swifties)
"I spilt the syrup," said Tom stickily.
Stiff [dead person] (Two-Liners)
A small town had two funeral homes. Competition was stiff.
Morticians relax with a stiff drink.
Stiff [muscles] (Tom Swifties)
"I slept in a draft last night," said Tom stiffly.
Still and Shot [alcohol] (Jokes)
What does a photographer say to a twitchy moonshiner? "Hold still while I take this shot!"
Stilts [standing on] (Tom Swifties)
"Ah, now I can see through the window," said Tom stiltedly.
Sting King (Tom Swifties)
"Nobody is better at elaborate confidence games than I," said Tom stinkingly.
Stock (Money)
I must stop and take stock of the situation.
"Consult an investment broker," was Tom's stock answer.
Stocking (Christmas)
Even before November, the merchants begin Christmas stocking the shelves for the rush.
Stole (Clothing)
The ladies' garment that can't be obtained honestly is the stole.
Stone (Tom Swifties)
"This is an imitation diamond," said Tom stonily.
Stool Pigeon (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
Stop any Time (Two-Liners)
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
Stout (Tom Swifties)
"I'm not fat!" denied Tom stoutly.
Stow Cast Stick??? (Tom Swifties)
"Oops, I think I might have a piece of coal in my shorts," said Tom stochastically. (Think about it. It's really funny!)
Stow Ick [???] (Tom Swifties)
"Place all your Tom Swifties here," said Tom stoically.
Straight Forward (Tom Swifties)
"My steering wheel won't turn," said Tom straightforwardly.
Strain (Tom Swifties)
"Can you hear me through this sieve?" was Tom's strained query.
Strained (Two-Liners)
How about the man who ran through a screen door? He strained himself.
Streaking (Two-Liners)
If you feel like running naked, spray yourself with Windex. It prevents streaking.
Stream (Physical)
Uttering a stream of curses, the raving Professor of Rivers was hauled off.
Stretch the Truth (Tom Swifties)
"I am not too fat for Spandex!" said Tom, stretching the truth.
Stride (Tom Swifties)
"Let's walk," said Tom stridently.
Strident (Jokes)
Which brand of gum is loud and annoying? S-trident.
Strike (Baseball)
Unhappy with their contract offer, the baseball players went on strike.
Strike Back [of a person] (Tom Swifties)
"I don't believe in the Heimlich manoeuvre," Tom struck back.
Strike King (Tom Swifties)
"I feel like attacking a monarch," said Tom strikingly.
Strikingly (Tom Swifties)
"I got to the bowling alley with time to spare!" said Tom strikingly.
Stuck (One-Liners)
I was trying to make a pun about escaping quicksand, but I'm stuck.Pun.me
Stud (Tom Swifties)
"That Amazon queen wanted me for only one thing," said Tom studiously.
Stumped (Tom Swifties)
"I don't know who chopped down my tree," said Tom, stumped.OK
Stunning (Expressions)
I went out with a girl who had a Taser. She was stunning.
Sub [sandwich] Serve Ant (Tom Swifties)
"Would you like some chocolate-covered insects on your long bun?" asked the waiter subserviently.
Sub Bourboun (Redefinitions)
Suburban: A bourbon that doesn't quite reach the (Maker's) mark.
Sub Missive [letter - PS = post script] (Tom Swifties)
"What should I do about this P.S.?" asked Tom submissively.
Sub Verse (Tom Swifties)
"There's no hope we'll get any dope when the captain looks up the periscope," said Tom subversively.
Sublime (Redefinitions)
Sublime: An inferior citrus fruit.
Subordinate Clause (Jokes)
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
Succeed (Jokes)
What superlative did Robert E Lee win at high school? Most likely to secede.
Succinctly (Tom Swifties)
"My hosiery is at the bottom of the lake!" said Tom sock-sinkedly
Suck Sink (Tom Swifties)
"I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.
"Vacuum cleaners don't float!" said Tom succinctly.
Suck You Lent (One-Liners)
The vacuum cleaner you loaned me is like an aloe vera: a succulent.
Sudden (Africa)
All of a Sudan the dust storm struck.
Sue City (USA)
Where else to go to litigate but Sioux City?
Sue Is (Africa)
"I don't like Sue." "Yeah, Suez not a nice girl at all."
Sue Thing (Tom Swifties)
"Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers," said Tom soothingly.
Suffer (Chemistry)
Stoic chemists sulfur in silence.
Sufficient (One-Liners)
My supply of beach jokes is more than surficient to meet demand.
Sugar Cane (Book Titles)
Some Like it Sweet: Sugar Kane a
Suicide (Tom Swifties)
"I think I'll end it all," Sue sighed.
Suit (Clothing)
Self-serve clothing store motto: "Suit yourself."
Suitor (One-Liners)
When a gentleman tailor woos a lady, he is called a suitor.
Summer (Tom Swifties)
"I decided to sing something more appropriate for August than Die Winterreise," Tom summarized.
Sunny Side (Toronto)
"The Sunnyside of the Street" has long been a favourite song.
Sup Pose (Tom Swifties)
"They'll want a picture of me at the dinner table," Tom supposed.
Super Fish (Tom Swifties)
"That's a very large shark," said Tom superficially.
Super Flue (Tom Swifties)
"Look at me, ma! I'm on top of the world -- well, chimney, anyway," said Tom superfluously.
Super Silly Ass (Tom Swifties)
"Boy, what a super silly ass!" said Tom superciliously.
Superficial (Two-Liners)
Somebody threw a bottle of Omega3 pills at me. Fortunately, the injury was only super fish oil.
Superior [Lake] (Tom Swifties)
"The value of my waterfront property would increase if the U.S. and Canadian governments could agree to de-pollute the lake," said Tom in a superior manor.
Sure Can (Two-Liners)
Can I make more bad Jungle Books jokes? I Shere Khan!
Sure He (Food)
Can he spit pits 20 feet? Cherry can!
Sure he can (Jokes)
Can David cause mischief with Japanese throwing knives? Shuriken.
Surely (Names)
You want fifty dollars for a joke book? Shirley you jest!
Surely You Jest (Book Titles)
You're Kidding!: Shirley U. Jest
Surge Protector (Book Titles)
Keeping Electronics Safe: Serge Protector
Surgeon (Book Titles)
"Smooth Operator": Sir John Cutter
Surgery (Misc)
If Dr Jury were knighted, would he be called Surgery?
Surgical Strike (Expressions)
If doctors were walking on a picket line, would it be called a surgical strike?
Surprise (Book Titles)
April Fool!: Sue Prize
Surreal (1) (Food)
His painting "Bran Flakes Box" could be described as cereal-ist.
Surreal (2) (Europe: United Kingdom)
A weird painting of the English countryside might be described as Surrey-al.
Surreptitiously (Tom Swifties)
"For the umpteenth time, pass the sauce for the pancakes!" said Tom syrupetitiously.
Suspended Animation (One-Liners)
The full-length cartoon "Cryo" wasn't cancelled, it was put in suspended animation.
Suspended Sentence (One-Liners)
A marionette was convicted of theft, but given a suspended sentence.
Suspension (Cars)
A mechanic's favourite bridge is a suspension bridge.
Would a no-no committed during a bridge tournament result in a bridge suspension, or a suspension (from) bridge?
Svengali (Book Titles)
It's Magic!: Sven Gali
Swabia (Europe: Germany)
German Q-Tips are made in Swabia.
Sweater (Clothing)
When the humidex tops 100F, everyone becomes a sweater.
Sweeping (Expressions)
Have you heard of the new broom craze? It's sweeping the nation!
"All brooms are useful!" said Tom, making a sweeping generalization.
Sweet [sugar] (Tom Swifties)
"One lump or two?" asked Mary sweetly.
Sweeten (Europe: Scandinavia)
Sugar is added to Sweden your coffee.
Swift [Jonathan, author] (Tom Swifties)
"Yes, I've read _Gulliver's Travels_," replied Tom swiftly.
Swift Current (Canada)
When a river is in flood, it has a Swift Current.
Swifty (Tom Swifties)
"I can be self-referential if I want to," said Tom swiftly.
Swing (Baseball)
It was when the late Benny Goodman picked up a bat that he became the King of Swing.
Sword (Tom Swifties)
"Jokes that bad are best handled with four feet of cold steel," said Tom sordidly.
Symphony (Book Titles)
Imitating Mozart: Sam Phony l
A counterfeit sim can play music, since it's a symphony.
Syra Cues (USA)
Pool sharks have pool cues, actors have dialogue cues, and geographers have Syracuse.
Syria (Middle East)
Israeli government's policy: one Syria, two/too serious.
Syrup (Book Titles)
Cough Medicine: Sir Upp C

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