Pun Dictionary: TU Entries

Tables Have Turned (Expressions) A century ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Now everyone owns a car and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.	Tack Full (Tom Swifties) "Please don't sneeze with your mouth full," said the carpenter's assistant tactfully.
Tackle (Sports) Fishing gear used to play football: Tackle.	Tactical (Redefinitions) How to make a tack laugh.
Tadpole (Book Titles) Little Bitty Froggies: Tad Pole^JG	Tae Kwon-do (Jokes) What do martial artists use to make bread? Tae Kwan-dough.
Tahi Tea (Australasia) This is not Earl Grey tea, it's Tahiti.	Tail or Head (Book Titles) Coin Tossing: Taylor Hedd^JG
Tailor Swift (Book Titles) Rapid Hemming and Stitching: Taylor Swift	Taint (Misc) A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
Take a Shower (One-Liners) Kleptomaniacs were banned from the bathroom because they kept taking showers.	Take It (One-Liners) The repentant kleptomaniac said "I just couldn't take it anymore!"
Take Out [kill] (Expressions) I have never seen a restaurant offer a "Chuck Norris burger" for takeout. Maybe that's because you don't take out a Chuck Norris burger, it takes out you. Its Secret Sauce also has quite a kick.	Take Personally (Jokes) Why was the burglar so sensitive? He took things personally.
Take Steps (Expressions) How do you overcome fear of elevators? You take steps to avoid them.	Take The Words Out [expression] (Jokes) How do you stop a dog from eating your books? Take the words out of his mouth.
Take Things Literally (Expressions) Kleptomaniacs take things literally.	Take Up (Sports) I got bored during quarantine, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbours keep demanding that I put it back.
Take-Aways (Mathematics) When the Math Department has a meeting about subtraction, are there any take-aways?	Taken Aback (Cannibals) If a kleptomaniac cannibal gets surprised, does that mean he's taken aback?
Taking Pictures (One-Liners) A photographer was thrown out of an art gallery because he kept taking pictures.	Taking Time (One-Liners) Patience is required to be a clock thief because you have to take your time.
Taliban (Jokes) Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.	Tam Rack (Plants: Trees) I hang my tams on the tamarack.
Tamper (USA) It is a crime to Tampa with someone else's computer files.	Tan (Chemistry: Elements) Which element turns brown in the sun? Tantalum.
Tan Gent (Mathematics) A (male) mathematician turned brown in the sun: Tangent.	Tan Jeer (Africa) "Haw! Is that a suntan or did you fall in the mud?" This nasty comment could be called a Tangier.
Tan You Brown (Book Titles: Good) What the Sun Does to Your Skin: Tanya Brown	Tan Your Hide (Book Titles: Good) Preparing Leather: Tanya Hyde^JG
Tangerine (One-Liners) The grumpiest fruit is the t-anger-ine.	Tank (Military) Monogrammed grenades, for me? Tank you very much! Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "How do you drive this thing?"
Tap (Jokes) What do you give a person with water on the brain? A tap on the head.	Tapas (Prepared) People who consume tapas are indulging in a little S&M. After all, isn't spanking a form of tap-ass?
Taps (One-Liners) If I were a plumber with a trumpet, would I play Taps on it? Can you buy tapas from a plumbing supplies shop? You can tell that poltergeists manufactured faucets when they were alive because of all the taps they make now.	Tart [prostitute] (Tom Swifties) "I don't HAVE to do this for a living," said Mary tartly. "It's a business to do pleasure with you."
Tass Mania (Australasia) The Geography Pun Test craze that hit the Soviet TASS reporters was called Tasmania.	Taste Funny [strange] (Cannibals) Would a clown taste funny to a cannibal?
Taste of (Cannibals) When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.	Tasteless (Cannibals) Cannibals won't eat [name of comedian] because of his/her tasteless jokes.
Tattooine Weenie (Two-Liners) Luke Skywalker had a tattoo of a hotdog on his arm. He called it his Tattooweenie.	Taylor Swift [singer] (One-Liners) A person who sings while quickly mending clothes is a Tailor Swift.
Tea (Golf) Something to drink while golfing: Tee.	Tea More (Asia: Southeast) "You haven't invited me to tea for a month!" "I really should invite you to Timor often."
Tear Aid (Tom Swifties) "You should be peeling onions," was Tom's tirade. (Pronounce "tirade" with the "i" short.)	Tear Your (Animals) I know your dog ran away. Don't terrier self up about it.
Tears (Jokes) I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.	Teller (One-Liners) One shouldn't discuss secrets in a bank, especially in front of the tellers.
Teller [bank] (Tom Swifties) "I work at a bank," said Tom tellingly.	Telling (Two-Liners) I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
Temper [music] (Tom Swifties) "Sometimes I prefer 'just intonation'; sometimes I prefer Pythagorean tuning," said Tom temperamentally.	Temperance (Toronto) The best place to be in a downpour is Temperance St., because it is always dry.
Ten (Chemistry: Elements) The element that comes after nine: Tin.	Ten Ants (Two-Liners) I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad, so I built them a small house. Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
Ten Done (Anatomy) In order to get problem tendon, you must do problem nine.	Ten Is (Sports) If we can't get twelve or eleven, tennis as good as any.
Tender [as make an offer for a contract] (Tom Swifties) "My bid for this contract aims to please," said Tom tenderly.	Tender is the Night [novel] (Two-Liners) I made a video of myself pounding on a tough piece of meat with a mallet after sundown. I'll call it "Tenderize the Night".
Tennis Court (Book Titles) Racketeering: Dennis Court	Tennis See (USA) "I play Tennessee, not dangerous sports like badminton."
Tens (Tom Swifties) "You gave me two less than a dozen," said Tom tensely.	Teriyaki (Book Titles) Talkative Japanese: Terry Yaki
Terminal Illness (Redefinitions) When you are sick at an airport (or train station, or bus station...).	Tern (Birds) Motto of the Birdwatcher's Society: One good tern deserves another.
Terrible (Book Titles) Bad Cow Jokes: Terry Bull⁸ I know many jokes about toilet paper. They're all tearable.	Terrifying (One-Liners) Trade wars are more than frightening, they're tariffying.
Terrycloth (Book Titles) You Wash, I'll Dry: Terry Cloth^JG	Test (Tom Swifties) "I flunked this lousy exam," said Tom testily.
Testimony (Book Titles) Trial Law: Tess Temoni^JG	Tex Has (USA) "Why is Tex so grouchy?" "Texas a big headache."
Texture (Book Titles) Sandpapers of the West: Tex Ture^l	Thar (India) Upon spotting the (mythological) Indian Desert Whale, you are supposed to say "Thar she blows!"
That Girl (Book Titles) Who is She?: Thad Gurl^JG	That's a Wrap (Expressions) When the last scene of the movie about N.W.A. was finished, did the director say "That’s a rap!"?
That's My Story (Expressions) I accidentally glued myself to my autobiography. Unbelievable, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.	The Awfulest Pun of All (Book Titles: Good) The World's Deadliest Joke: Theophilus Punoval^JG
The Bait (One-Liners) When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.	The Car (Africa) I want to drive Dakar to work today.
The Coat A (USA) "Do you want me to wash your jacket?" "Yes, give Dakota good cleaning, please."	The End is Near (Book Titles) The World's Last Days: D. N. Izneer
The Fence (Hockey) We had to put up defence to keep da kids out of our yard.	The Hoe (USA) To weed ta Geography garden, use Tahoe.
The Most (Astronomy) This has to be Deimos boring lecture on Mars yet.	The Old Hemming Way (Book Titles) How We Used to Shorten Trouser Legs: Theo Hemingway
The Sorest (Two-Liners) I ate a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.	The Truth Shall Set You Free (Dentist) Dentists who perform extractions get it backwards: instead of "The truth shall set you free," they set free the tooth.
The Van (One-Liners) I will drive the car, while the furniture-maker will drive divan.	The Vision (Mathematics) She wears glasses in Math class because it improves division.^Pun.me
Their Words (Expressions) People say that I'm a plagiarist. Their words, not mine!	Then Mark (Europe: Scandinavia) First mark all these Geography tests, Denmark the labs.
Theoretical (Two-Liners) I just found out that Einstein was real. I thought that he was just a theoretical physicist.	There is a Green (Book Titles: Good) It's Springtime!: Theresa Green^JG
There, There (Expressions) What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.	There's No Place Like Home (Expressions) What would Dorothy say if she played baseball in Oz? "There's no plate like home!"
There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays (Christmas) Always serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.	Thesaurus (Jokes) What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
They Ran (Middle East) "Officer, they smashed the windows, grabbed the jewels and then Tehran off!"	Thingamabob (Book Titles) Whatchamacallit!: Thingum Bob
This Is Not a Drill (One-Liners) When a disaster happened in the tool factory, the foreman held up a hammer and yelled: "Evacuate! This is not a drill!"	Thor Axe (Anatomy) What the god Thor used to cut down trees: Thorax.
Thor Old (Canada) "The god Thor is more than 1000 years old." "Boy, is Thorold!"	Thoughtless (Tom Swifties) "I have no idea," said Tom thoughtlessly.
Three Strikes and You're Out (Baseball) How does a baseball player escape from jail? Three strikes and he's out!	Throw (One-Liners) I wonder if corrupt judo athletes throw their matches.
Throw Back (One-Liners) Do fishing professionals participate in Throwback Thursdays?	Throw Hands (Undead) When zombies want to fight, do they throw hands?
Throw in the Towel (Expressions) He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.	Throw It (Anatomy) "Help! I'm holding a live grenade!" "Well, throat far away!"
Throw Out (Baseball) The baseball team's pitcher became known as the Trash Collector because she kept throwing people out.	Throw Rug (Book Titles) Scattered Small Carpets: Jethro Rugg
Throw up Your Hands (Cannibals) Did you hear about the cannibal who threw up his hands in frustration?	Thrown (Jokes) What happens to deposed kings? They get throne away.
Thy Will Be Done (Expressions) Some people think that John Donne had a hand in William Shakespeare's Sonnets. These people say their cause is holy, because "Thy Will be Donne".	Tick Tock (One-Liners) A discussion about ticks could be the sound of a grandfather clock because it is tick talk.
Tie (One-Liners) Did Luke get Darth Vader a TIE for Father's Day? Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.	Tie Bet (Asia: China) Any wager made that a game will be a draw is a Tibet.
Tie Burr (Europe: Italy) "We caught Mr. Burr here stealing our Geography texts." "Well, Tiber up until the police get here."	Tie Land (Asia: Southeast) The best country to buy men's neckwear is Thailand.
Tie One (Asia: East) Efficient Boy and Girl Scouts in Taipei will not tie two knots, just Taiwan.	Tie Tan (Astronomy) Efficient Boy and Girl Scouts in Taipei will not tie two knots, just Taiwan. A chemist wanted neckwear that would turn brown in the sun, so she made it from titanium.
Tie Your Own Shoelaces (Book Titles) Do It Yourself: Tyrone Shoelaces^JG	Tied (Astronomy) Explaining the ocean's motion left many astronomers fit to be tide.
Tiger Is (Middle East) News today is from the zoo's big cat house where a Tigris still at large.	Tight As (Halifax) "Is he sober?" "No, he's Titus a drum."
Tight as a Drum (Book Titles) My Life on Skid Row: Titus A. Drum^JG	Tighten (Astronomy) I don't want NASA to Titan its budget again.
Tim Buck Too (Africa) Fred and Tim are two horses. If Fred bucks, will Timbuktoo?	Timber (Book Titles) Falling Trees: Tim Burr
Tim-brrr (Tom Swifties) "It's cold, Timothy," said Tom with his distinctive timbre.	Time [magazine] Less (Tom Swifties) "I only get Newsweek," said Tom timelessly.
Time Has Come (Expressions) The next maker of a smart watch should include a comb in its box. It will be successful because it's an idea whose time has comb.	Time on My Hands (One-Liners) I had clocks tattooed on my palms so I could say that I had time on my hands.
Time to Spare (Sports) When a bowler is in a hurry, it's because s/he doesn't have time to spare.	Time Will Tell (Expressions) Why can't you tell secrets around a clock? Because time will tell!
Time-Consuming (Expressions) I ate a clock the other day. It was time-consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.	Times (USA) Where is the best place in New York City to buy watches and clocks? Times Square.
Tin Sell (Christmas) What decoration does a metal peddler put on a Christmas tree! Tinsel.	Tip (One-Liners) I need to check my bank account before paying the bill at a restaurant so that I can tip without losing my balance.
Tip Toes (One-Liners) Ballerinas are very quiet because they're always tiptoeing around.	Tip-Off (Basketball) What happens when a detective who plays basketball gets a tip-off?
Tire [automobile] Less (Tom Swifties) "I can't find the spare," said Tom tirelessly.	Tired (1) (Cars) People are exhausted after being run over because they got tired.
Tired (2) (Middle East) Exhausted people in Lebanon are Tyred out.	Tireless (Two-Liners) A man has been stealing the wheels from police cruisers. The cops are working tirelessly to find him.
Tissue (Two-Liners) I tripped over a Kleenex box and hurt my leg. My doctor said it was just tissue damage.	Tit (Tom Swifties) "Take your hand from my blouse!" Mary tittered.
Title (Book Titles) Ah, Thor!: Ty Till⁷	To Be Continued (Book Titles) Keep them in Suspense: Toby Continued
To Be or Not To Be (Expressions) When pondering the name for a child, do parents say "Toby, or not Toby? That is the question."	To Buy us a Pig (Book Titles) Off To Market: Tobias A. Pigg
To Kill A (Beverages) Famous novel by Harper Lee: Tequila Mockingbird.	To Lose (Europe: France) Go on, take the Geography of France course. What have you got Toulouse?
To My Toes (Fruits) When farmers are feeling really up, do they say "I feel good from my head tomatoes"?	To Pay (Expressions) I bought a wig for a dollar. It was a small price toupée.
To Peek At (USA) Topeka someone's test is considered cheating.	To Wales (Jokes) How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
Toasty Toes (Jokes) Which brand of chips keeps your feet warm? Tostitoes!	Toe Go (Africa) "My big toe fell off and now it's lost! Where did my Togo?"
Tofu (Cannibals) We have tofu. In cannibal country, they have toefood.	Toking [Smoking Marijuana] (One-Liners) I wonder if a gift of marijuana cigarettes for a job well done is a token of appreciation?
Tolled (Misc) The truth may ring out like a bell, but it is seldom ever tolled.	Tolled (?) [I don't get this one!] (Tom Swifties) "Why are you writing elegies at THIS hour? You should be in bed, young lady," the curfew told Nell.
Tolls (Physical) "For Whom the Bell Atolls", a novel by Ernest Hemingway.	Tom [cat] (Tom Swifties) "I wonder what sex that cat is," said Tom.
Tomahawk (Book Titles) Battle Axes: Tom A. Hawk^a	Tommy Gun (Book Titles) Chicago Gangs Of The '30's: Tommy Gunn^JG
Tomorrow (Book Titles: Good) The Next Day: Tom Morrow	Tongue (Australasia) Doctors in the South Seas use lots of Tonga depressors.
Tongue in the cheek (Tom Swifties) "I've never heard of anilingus," said Tom, tongue in cheek.	Tongues Ten (Chemistry: Elements) Chemists call ten tongues tungsten.
Tongue-Tied (Expressions) For April Fool's Day, I was given neckwear with a picture of a tongue on it. I couldn't speak because I was tongue-tied.	Tons (Halifax) Why is an elephant like a Halifax university? Because both weigh TUNS.
Too Long (Europe: France) "Your Citroen will be ready next week." "No, that is Toulon to wait!"	Too Much on my Plate (Expressions) I wanted to start a new diet, but I have way too much on my plate right now.
Too Scared (Jokes) Why is 4 afraid of 5? Because it's 2².	Too Tense (Jokes) Why did the fraction 1/5 go to the masseur? Because it was two tenths. Why did 1/5 get a massage? Because it was two tenths. "Doctor, doctor! Some days I think I'm a teepee, others I think I'm a wigwam! What do I do?" "Relax, you're two tents."
Too Tired (One-Liners) A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired. I was annoyed at being unable to sleep due to the horn honking, but was toot ired to do anything about it.	Took (Expressions) I entered the Kleptomania Championship. I took gold, silver, and bronze.
Tool Bar (One-Liners) Do I have to go to a toolbar to get hammered?	Tooth and Nail (Dentist) Dentists and manicurists can't get married, since they fight tooth and nail.
Tooth Fairy (Dentist) To get to a dental convention on an island without an airport, the participants would have to get there on the Tooth Ferry.	Tooth Hurty (Dentist) At what time do most people realize that they have to go to the dentist? Two-thirty.
Toothpicks (Dentist) Dental X-Rays can clean your teeth because they're tooth-pics. What do dentists call their X-rays? Tooth pics.	Tops (Prepared) Nothing tops a plain pizza.
Tore Us (Mathematics) Laughing too hard at doughnut jokes torus apart.	Torn a Doe (Meteorology) Which of my deer pictures has he ripped? Oh, no! He's tornado!
Torque (One-Liners) Is Peter Tork the Monkee who kept wanting to play "The Twist"?	Torus (Astronomy) What astronomers call donut-shaped objects: Taurus.
Toss in the Towel (Book Titles) A Boxing Cornerman's Story: Dawson DeTowel^JG	Tossing and Turning (Expressions) Last night I dreamed that I had to make a thousand pancakes. I was tossing and turning all night long.
Total Recall (Expressions) My memory for smells is perfect - I have total reek-all.	Totally (Two-Liners) Kid: "Dad, I can count my toes!" Dad: "Toe-tally!"
Touchy (One-Liners) I wanted to learn Braille, but it's a touchy subject.^Pun.me	Tough Sentence (Two-Liners) The tongue-twister champion was just arrested. A tough sentence is expected.
Tourist Trap (Expressions) If you are on a vacation, avoid any attraction called "Handcuffs". It's a two-wrist trap.	Tow (1) (Anatomy) What do you do if an elephant steps on your foot? Call a toe truck.
Tow (2) (Greek Letters) When the Greek driver's car broke down, he called a tau truck.	Tow Them (Two-Liners) Fire hydrants are tiny totem poles. People park next to them and the cops totem away.
Towed (Jokes) What happens to illegally parked frogs? They get toad away.	Track Meet (Expressions) A singles bar for running enthusiasts could be called the Track Meet. A delicatessen for running enthusiasts could be called the Track Meat.
Tractor (One-Liners) People who criticize farm machinery are detractors.	Trail Mix (Two-Liners) I made a playlist featuring musing from The Cranberries, Peanuts, and Eminem. I call it my Trail Mix.
Trailer [movies] (Two-Liners) There's a movie coming out about a mobile home. I just saw the trailer.	Trained (Jokes) Why do railway cars travel in straight lines? That is what they are trained to do.
Training (One-Liners) Do train drivers ever get qualified or are they always in training?	Transcendental Meditation (Misc) Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Transmission (Cars) Do ambulance mechanics wear gloves to prevent the transmission of infections to the engines?	Transparent (Tom Swifties) "How do you like this negligee?" asked Mary transparently. After they'd had kids, the Invisible Man and Invisible Woman changed their genders. They became trans parents.
Trans-Parent (Tom Swifties) "OK Mom, I'm going to hypnotize you now," said Tom transparently.	Traveling Light (Expressions) When the photon checked in at the hotel, the bellhop asked if he could take his bags. The photon said "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
Travesty (Book Titles) I've Tasted Bad Beverages, But This Is a… : Travis Tea	Tree (1) (Christmas) Would selling out a male Christmas tree seedling be considered tree-son?
Tree (2) (Plants: Trees) Sixteen minus thirteen equals tree.	Trench (Tom Swifties) "This dugout is infested," said Tom trenchantly.
Trial (One-Liners) Do law firms soliciting clients offer a free trial?	Triceratops (Two-Liners) I asked the librarian if there were any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said "Try Sarah Topps."
Trick or Treat (Jokes) What do birds say on Halloween? "Trick or tweet!" What do NRA supporters say for Halloween? "Trigger Treat!"	Trifle / Try-Fling (Tom Swifties) "I know what to do with stale cake," said Tom triflingly. (Or: "I'm testing this boomerang," said Tom triflingly.)
Trigonometry (Mathematics) The study of tree branch angles is twigonometry.	Triple E (Africa) The cattle ranch with a brand like EEE is the Tripoli Ranch.
Tri-Umph [sound you make] (Tom Swifties) "I punched him in the stomach three times," said Tom triumphantly.	Trix Are for Kids (Book Titles) Silly Rabbit: Trixie R. Forkids^l
Trombone and Oboe (Book Titles) Wind Instruments: Tom Bone and O. Bowe^y	Trouble Brewing (Expressions) When asked to report on unrest among the brewery workers caused by malfunctioning equipment, the manager said "There's trouble brewing."
Troubleshooting (Two-Liners) I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire. I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual. Fortunately, it had bullet points.	Trowel (Meteorology) The weatherman puttered in his garden, using his trowal to dig out the weeds.
Truck (Australasia) Transporting things on the island of Truk comes naturally.	Truck You Lent (Tom Swifties) "I've brought back the lorry I borrowed," said Tom truculently.
Trump it (Elephant) Never play cards with an elephant. If you lead an ace, he'll want to trumpet.	Trunks (Cars) Why is an elephant like a car? They both have trunks.
Truth (Anatomy) "That's a lie!" "No, it's the tooth!" The judge told his dentist to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.	Truth or Consequences (Fruits) A game show for fruit fans is "Truth or Consequinces".
Try Me Out (One-Liners) If I were to start a cat-lending service, its motto would be "Try Meowt".	Tsunami (Book Titles: Good) The Big Wave: Sue Nami^c
Tube Of (Music) Comes in handy when cleaning the teeth: a tuba toothpaste.	Tuesday Weld [actress] (Book Titles: Good) Monday Solder: Tuesday Weld
Tummy Ache (Book Titles) Banquet at McDonalds: Tommy Ayk^JG	Tune A (Meat) Yes, you can tuna fish by adjusting the scales.
Tune This (Africa) I don't know how to Tunis piano. I'll get a pro to do it.	Turban (Africa) Sikh men are required by their religion to wear a Durban on their heads.
Turkey (Asia: Turkey) Do people in Istanbul eat Turkey sandwiches?	Turn (Europe: Italy) One goes to Turin to change direction.
Turn It Down (Expressions) When I saw the ad "Radio for sale, for $1, volume stuck on full", I thought "I can't turn down that offer!"	Turn On You (Expressions) Beware of traitorous light switches - they will turn on you.
Turn Out the Light (Jokes) I want to found a company that makes light switches and call it Turnout. I want it to be so successful that Deloitte will buy me out so that I can call it Turnout-Deloitte.	Turn Pike (Animals) The fish going in circles is not a highway, it's a turnpike. What kind of road makes a good shield during a medieval re-enactment battle? A turnpike.
Turn Up (Vegetables) How do you find a vegetarian? Ask around, one will turnip.	Turned Into (Two-Liners) Matt the Magician did an amazing quick-change trick while driving. He turned into his driveway.
Turned On (One-Liners) When I get naked in the bathroom, only the shower gets turned on.^Pun.me	Turnover (Baked) If a pastry factory is efficient, yet has trouble with employee retention, does that mean it has a high turnover rate? The pastry that sports teams prefer to avoid is the turnover.
Turns Out (Two-Liners) I'm going to try on my reversible jacket. I want to see how it turns out. I just bought a reversible jacket. I'm excited to see how it turns out.	Tutankhamun (One-Liners) An incoming trumpeter is like a Pharaoh: tootin' comin.
Tutti-Frutti (Book Titles) The Chuck Berry Story: Judy Frudy^JG	Twelve Months [in a year] (One-Liners) The thief that stole a calendar got twelve months.
Twister (Meteorology) The party game that you shouldn't play during a tornado outbreak is Twister.	Two Can (One-Liners) My friend tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Two Left Feet (Elephant) Why is it so hard to teach elephants to dance? They have two left feet.	Two Lips (Plants: Flowers) A person trying to seduce a gardener might say "I would like to tiptoe through your tulips."
Two Son (USA) A parent in Arizona with two boys could call them Tucson.	Two Tents (Tom Swifties) "Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I think I'm a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I think I'm a teepee," said Tom too tensely.
Two Week (One-Liners) I used to be a personal trainer, but I quit after giving my too weak notice.	Two-by-Four [lumber] (Music) The quartet of tuba players called themselves "Lumber" because they were a tuba four.
Type A (Asia: East) I met a guy from Taiwan recently. He was really high-strung, definitely a Taipei personality.	Type O Negative (Jokes) What's an editor's blood type? Typo negative.
Typo [-graphical error] (Misc) A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walked into a blood bank. The rabbit said "I think I might be a Type O."	Tyrannosaurus (Europe: Balkans) What kind of dinosaur can you find in Albania? A Tiranasaurus Rex. What kind of dinosaur can you find in Iran? A Tehrannosaurus Rex.
Tyr-Ant (Tom Swifties) "Why are so many of these Tom Swifties about insects?" asked the tyrant.	U2 (Two-Liners) Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. The barkeep says "Not you two again!"
Uber [ride-sharing] (Two-Liners) Chickens now hire a sheep to ride across the road. They call the service 'ewe'ber.	UCLA (One-Liners) When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
UFO (One-Liners) A fake flying saucer is a U-eh-phony.	Uke Lid (Mathematics) The top of a mathematician's ukelele is the Euclid.
Uke Rain (Europe: Eastern) A downpour of ukeleles could only occur in Ukraine.	Un Boxing (One-Liners) The way Christmas is, with all the unwrapping and opening, we should call it Unboxing Day.
Un-Account (Tom Swifties) "The bank doesn't even want me as a depositor," said Tom unaccountably.	Un-Assume (Tom Swifties) "Let me see if I can prove that," said Tom unassumingly.
Un-Bear (Tom Swifties) "Get Smoky out of here!" said the warden unbearably. (Or is it: "There'll be no strippers in my town," said the sheriff unbareably?)	Unbeatable (One-Liners) You probably shouldn't buy eggs at an "unbeatable price".
Unchecked (One-Liners) What would happen if the Plaid Plague Pandemic were left unchecked?	Unclear (One-Liners) The meaning of opaque is unclear.
Un-Comfort (Tom Swifties) "Alas, I am inconsolable!" said Tom uncomfortably.	Un-Conditioner (Tom Swifties) "Have some shampoo," was Tom's unconditional offer.
Un-Con-Vince [con=convict] (Tom Swifties) "I know you won't take my advice, Mr Van Gogh, but after cutting your ear off, I think you should go to jail," said Tom unconvincingly; "-- or perhaps sign yourself in to a home," he added noncommittally.	Under Pressure (Tom Swifties) "I must put air in my tires," said Tom under pressure.^OK
Under wraps (Mummies) Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps.	Undercover (Jokes) What does a spy do when he gets cold? She goes undercover.
Under-Hand (Tom Swifties) "No, it didn't go up my sleeve," said Tom underhandedly.	Underwear (One-Liners) Lingerie stores sell under-wares.
Unexpected (Tom Swifties) "I am your surprise guest!" said Tom unexpectedly.^OK	Unfairly (Tom Swifties) "Carnivals are noisy and useless," griped Tom unfairly.
Unfolds (Two-Liners) Breaking news: A man claims to have learned how to do origami backwards. More on this story as it unfolds.	Un-Fortune [cookie] (Tom Swifties) "My cookie is empty," said Tom unfortunately.
Un-Grandma (Tom Swifties) "No one got's to never go teasin' hisn's momma's momma with a feather," said Tom ungrammatically.	Un-Herring (Tom Swifties) "I don't think I'll have the pickled fish today," said Tom unerringly.
Union (Vegetables) Ssh! It's time for the President's State of the onion speech!	Universe Tea (Toronto) The favourite tea of astronomers who study the cosmos is University.
Unkind [not really a pun...] (Tom Swifties) "You should never use a double negative, but it's okay this time," said Tom not unkindly.	Un-Person (Tom Swifties) "But a totalitarian government could remove all trace of my ever having existed!" said Tom unpersonably.
Unravel (Music) I tried to do some knitting while listening to "Bolero". Unfortunately, it snagged on something and unRaveled.	Un-Seam (Tom Swifties) "Oops, I've ripped my pants!" was Tom's unseemly comment.
Unspeakable (One-Liners) Do psychopathic mimes commit unspeakable crimes?	Un-Steady [boyfriend] (Tom Swifties) "I want to date other women," said Tom unsteadily.
Un-Waiver (Tom Swifties) "No, I won't give you a note saying your excused," said Tom unwaveringly.	Up [in elevator] (Tom Swifties) "Please get in the elevator," said Tom uppishly.
Up in the Air (Jokes) Why are meteorologists always nervous? Their future is always up in the air.	Up to a Point (Expressions) Egyptian pyramid builders were good, but only up to a point.
Upheld (Tom Swifties) "The roof is about to collapse," Tom upheld.	Up-Roar [of lion] (Tom Swifties) "The lion has its head caught in the skylight," said Tom uproariously.
Us Pray (Birds) We of the Church of the Holy Water Raptor, let osprey.	U-Station (Anatomy) The Ear Train comes into the eustachian.
Utter (One-Liners) My first attempt at milking a cow was an udder disaster.	Waste (Jokes) Why are fitness instructors like garbage collectors? They do waist management.