Pun Dictionary

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The entire Pun Dictionary as a PDF document to read and enjoy!

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May 24, 2025
A My Honda Accord was struck by lightning and acquired a positive charge. Then it started playing music. It had become and Accord-ion.
C I lost my mountaineering textbook. Now all I have is Cliff Notes.
H A person wearing a green outfit with pointed ears and driving a hearse will always be female, because she's a hearse-elf.
S I once asked a woman for a date and she said that my face looked like the back of a boat. I said nothing, but gave her a stern look.
VZ If there's any band that will do a COPD benefit concert, it's Weezer.

April 17, 2025
F He wasn't the best lumberjack, but he was a decent feller.
F There's a movie about a hardware store that gives away key duplicates on Fridays. It's called Free Key Friday.
PQ My girlfriend wrote on a balloon: "Will you propose to me?" "I quickly popped the question."
R Viking writers didn't do a good job. They'd rune manuscripts.
S I told my wife that I thought that our kids were spoiled. She said they all smell like that.
S Yoga practitioners are great at carrying injured people, since they are stretchers.
TU I am too busy to eat a clock. It's too time-consuming and I really don't want seconds.

March 15, 2025
B "I can't get any breaks!" is not what you want to say when you're driving.
D When an idiot swears, he's in Syria because it's a dumb-ass cuss.
L I haven't kept my subscription to Scrabble Club. Now they're sending me threatening letters.
S A comedian faced down a bully because someone told him to standup for himself.
TU Now for our next band, please welcome The Subtractions. Take it away, boys!

January 11, 2025
F I do well at origami competitions because I fold under pressure.
F When dentists go on vacation, do they need someone filling in for them?
K If a comedian's show goes down in flames, does it get called comic-kaze?
TU "I built a model of Mount Everest." "Is it to scale?" "No, it's to look at."
TU When a boxer was asked about the secret of his 10-0 record, he replied "I make my socks out of underwear. That way I will always be undie-feeted."

January 1, 2025
A When is a boat like snow? When it's a drift.
H "We archeologists can't be named or be married to anyone named Edith." "Why?" "Because we can't have archaic and Edith too."
L Putting my hair in a bun is a prerequisite for losing weight with a loaf hat diet.
L How can you tell that grasshoppers are poor? They live in locust housing.
PQ What was the politest dinosaur? The Plesiosaur.

November 15, 2024
B Think of the effort I could save by buying birthday candles at a blow-out sale.
C I tried to walk like an Egyptian, but now I need to see a Cairo practor.
E Supervillains shouldn't be upset when their doomsday devices don't work. It's not the end of the world.
F I don't have a 'dad bod', I have a 'father figure'.
H I Grow Basil and Oregano: Herb Gardiner
I The favourite Beatles song of lizards is 'Iguana Hold Your Hand'.
L I was feeling lonely, so I started a small business. Now I have a little company.
PQ Neil Diamond was named Neil Cole until the pressure got to him.
PQ Why do football players make terrible pilots? They always break the plane before a touchdown.
R I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping. He's in for a rude awakening.

October 14, 2024
B Counterfeiting: Beau Gus Cash
E Why do the French have only one egg for breakfast? Because in France, one egg is an oeuf.
L The most gullible element is easily lead.
PQ Why do Marxists only drink decaf tea? Because proper tea is theft.
PQ 10^{-12 boos = 1 picoboo.}

September 26, 2024
B A fireworks and a brassiere-making company hoped to increase business by merging, but the result was boom and bust.
B I wonder if "Breakfast of Champions" means something different in Zombie Country.
D Why were horse-drawn vehicles so ugly? Because horses can't draw. They can't even hold pens.
E Do oxen turn into horses on the Equine-ox?
H I wanted to tell sheep jokes to my border collie, but was afraid that he'd herd them.
R I recall playtime in elementary school from the recesses of my mind.
R This cookbook is only to be used after earthquakes, tornadoes, or hurricanes. It's called Recipes for Disaster.
S The four seasons are all different. Summer warmer than others.
S Why did I name my pack mule "Sound"? Because Sound carries.
TU "The basketball player wants two new suits by tomorrow." "Wow, that's a tall order."

August 24, 2024
B Would you buy bubble solution from a blow-out sale?
D The doctor told me that my prostate was OK. I was deeply touched.
F There's a rip in my feather pillow. I'm feeling down.
S Scientists have created artificial vocal cords. The results speak for themselves.

August 18, 2024
A I wonder what an arms race would be like in Zombie Territory? One would come in dead last.
H My doctor said that I need more exercise and suggested that I start with lunges. That's a huge step forward.
R "I have a rice paddy that is 1,760 yards long," said Tom with a wry smile.^PR
R As a baker's apprentice, I try to rise to the occasion.
S I always remember my teacher telling me that I had twigs for brains. It sticks in my mind.

August 5, 2024
A I can eat sugar with both hands because I'm ambidextrose!
B Nobody gets rowdy at the Trampoline Tavern because they have lots of bouncers.
B The movie Twisters is taking the theatres by storm.
F When surgeons are learning about amputations, do they have to read "A Farewell to Arms"?
N Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see some new faces today, and I am really disappointed.
TU Corruption is rife at the Pyromaniac Olympics. People are throwing matches everywhere!

July 1, 2024
A What did the bra say to the hat? "You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift."
B Aircraft Maneuvers: Beryl Roll
D Swords and knives could be illustrated in books using dagger-otype.
F My grocery store presents flash offers to me. Will the local camera shop as well?
R I invested in boomerangs. They have a high rate of return.

June 15, 2024
C My friends kept pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved.
G Why will a pig dressed in black never be bullied? Because Batman has promised to protect Goth ham.
PQ What is a police officer's favourite type of sweater? A pullover.
R I'm thinking of starting an a flight company exclusively for balding people. I will call it 'Receding Airline'.
TU I have kleptomania, but I'm taking something for it.

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Sonny Scott, Linda Lew, Owen Kaminoff, Jacob Adler.