- Each Other (One-Liners)
- Cows lie down in the rain to keep each udder dry.Pun.me
|
- Eager Beaver (Book Titles)
- Let's Do it Now!: Igor Beaver
|
- Eagle (Tom Swifties)
- "I can see myself getting two under par on this hole," said Tom, eagle-eyed.
|
- Eagles (Football)
- If seagulls fly over the "C", do Eagles fly over the "E"?
|
- Ear to Ear (Anatomy)
- The farmer was so pleased with his new cornfield that he walked the length of it, grinning from ear to ear.
|
- Earldom (One-Liners)
- If the British government were to hand out online Peerages, would they be urldoms?
|
- Early (Tom Swifties)
- "I know which boyd gets the woym," said Tom in an oily voice.
|
- Early Bird Gets the Worm (Expressions)
- Why did the archaeopteryx catch the worm? Because it was an early bird.
|
- Earn a Living (Book Titles)
- Employment Handbook: Ernie LivingJG
|
- Earthquake (One-Liners)
- Is a person shaking with laughter suffering from a mirthquake?
|
- Easel (Tom Swifties)
- "Now I can do some painting," said Tom easily.
|
- Easter (Chemistry)
- A chemist's favourite rabbit is the Ether Bunny.
An anesthesiologist will dress up as the Ether Bunny before going into the boxing ring so that she could win by knockout.
|
- Easy Does It (Book Titles)
- How to Handle Nitroglycerine: E. C. DuzzitJG
|
- Easy Money (Book Titles)
- How to be a Con Artist: E. Z. MoneyJG
|
- Eat, Drink and Be Merry (Cannibals)
- Do cannibals toast each other with "Eat, Drink and be Mary?"
|
- Eaten (Misc)
- "Would you like a slice of my pizza?" "No thanks, I've already Eden."
|
- Eater (Greek Letters)
- An eta is a person in a restaurant.
|
- Eaves Trough (Book Titles)
- My Life in the Gutter: Yves Trough
|
- Ecclesiastic (Religion)
- The favourite glue of people who work in churches is called Ecclesia-stick.
|
- Economist (Redefinitions)
- Economist: A discount fog.
|
- Edam (Book Titles)
- Hard Cheese!: E. DamA
What kind of cheese is made backwards? Edam!
|
- Edgily (Tom Swifties)
- "Perimeter!" said Tom edgily.
|
- Eek a Mouse (Book Titles)
- Rodent in the House!: E. K. Mouse
|
- Eek! A Mouse! (Book Titles)
- Why is the Elephant on the Chair?: Zeke Amos
|
- Eek-Wine (One-Liners)
- Jockeys drink booze made from frightened grapes: Equine.
|
- Eerie (North America)
- This is a very spooky lake: Erie.
|
- Egg on Face (Tom Swifties)
- "Yes, I was in the chicken coop when it exploded," admitted Tom, with egg on his face.
|
- Eggs Acting (Tom Swifties)
- "Just what kind of show can this troupe 'The Humpty Dumpties' put on?" asked Tom exactingly.
|
- Eggs in One Basket (Expressions)
- A long letter in Santa's in-basket
Made him feel like he would blow a gasket. "You shouldn't feel blue, If I say that you Should not put all your begs in one ask-it."
|
- E-I-E-I-O (Two-Liners)
- "Old MacDonald in the 'hood. E-I-E-I-Yo-Mama."
|
- Eighty (Book Titles)
- The Old Codger: A. T. YearsoldJG
|
- Either/Or (Expressions)
- Before surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
|
- Either/Or Situation (Expressions)
- A small, grubby boat is a dingy dinghy. You can choose where to sit to propel it, as it's an either oar situation.
|
- Ejaculated (Tom Swifties)
- "I'm coming!" Tom ejaculated.
|
- Elbow (Anatomy)
- I've made a revolutionary bow shaped like an L! I'll call it the elbow.
|
- Elder (Music)
- My Elgar brother is a notable composer.
|
- Election (Tom Swifties)
- "Vote for Reagan," said Tom electronically.
|
- Electric (Tom Swifties)
- "This computer display is shocking," said Tom electrically.
|
- Electric Light Orchestra (Music)
- Adorable stuffed killer whale toys + Christmas lights + drinking straws = Electric Light Orcastraw.
|
- Electricity (Book Titles)
- It's a Shocker: Alec Tricity
|
- Electrocute (Animals)
- If a kitten ate an electric eel, would it become electro-cute?
|
- Elegant (One-Liners)
- Do the anorexic supermodels think they're elegaunt?
|
- Element of Surprise (Expressions)
- Chemists, and lately physicists, have discovered many elements, but have yet to find the Element of Surprise.
|
- Elementary (Chemistry)
- "The name for the new trans-Uranic element should be Terry," said Professor Watson. "It's element-Terry, my dear Watson," said Professor Holmes.
What kind of school is Sherlock Holmes Public School? Elementary, my dear Watson.
|
- Elephant (Book Titles)
- Fat Lady In The Sideshow: Ellie FuntJG
I want a beer stein shaped like a pachyderm. I'd call it an alephant.
|
- Elephant Light (Elephant)
- How do you make an elephant light? Have him hold a light bulb with his trunk and plug his tail into the electric socket.
|
- Elevator and Helicopter (Book Titles)
- Vertical Takeoff!: Ella Vator and Ella Copter
|
- Elmer (Canada)
- A nemesis of Bugs Bunny was Aylmer Fudd, the hunter.
|
- Elongate (One-Liners)
- Let's hope that Elon Musk doesn't get involved in a scandal because ElonGate would be really drawn out.
|
- Elvis Presley (Christmas)
- Which of Santa's Helpers rocked the most? Elfis Presley.
|
- Embark (Tom Swifties)
- "Dorothy, if you're going to Oz again, I'm going with you," Em barked.
|
- Em-Barking (One-Liners)
- Dogs are noisy when they're getting on ships because they're embarking.
|
- Embrace (Dentist)
- Orthodontists don't hug, they em-brace.
|
- Emit (Book Titles)
- What I Do When I Get More Work: Emmet A. Groan
|
- Emmanuel Can't (Book Titles: Good)
- Fred Can Philosophize!: Immanuel Kant
|
- Emotional Baggage (Expressions)
- Telling your luggage that there will be no vacation this year can be tough. Emotional baggage is the worst.
|
- Empire (1) (Baseball)
- The story of a baseball official's addiction to lettuce was called "The Decline and Fall of the Romaine Umpire".
|
- Empire (2) (Book Titles)
- Kingdom of the Flames: M. PyreC
|
- Employment (One-Liners)
- "Cannabis Cultivation Technician": a new hemployment.
|
- Empty Tank (Book Titles)
- Why Cars Stop: M. T. Tank
|
- Empty When Full (One-Liners)
- When I see a sign on a bin that says "Empty When Full", I always wonder how something can be empty when it's full?
|
- Emu (Animals)
- Is it an electronic cow? Is it a flightless bird? It's both! It's an e-moo!
|
- Emulate (Book Titles)
- Do as I Do, Not as I Say: M. U. LateJG
|
- End of the World (Expressions)
- Supervillains shouldn't be upset when their doomsday devices don't work. It's not the end of the world.
|
- End Table (One-Liners)
- Any table that kills you is an end table.
|
- Endorphins (One-Liners)
- Keeping fish can have a calming effect on the brain due to all of the indoor fins.
|
- Ends of the Earth (Book Titles)
- Columbus, Vespucci, And Me: Enzo DiUrthJG
|
- Engage (Tom Swifties)
- "Let's get married," said Tom engagingly.
|
- Enough (Book Titles)
- A Great Plenty: E. Nuff
Why do the French have only one egg for breakfast? Because in France, one egg is an oeuf.
|
- Entranced (Book Titles)
- Hypnotism: N. Tranced
|
- Epilepsy (One-Liners)
- Does a high jumper who suffers from seizures have epileapsy?
|
- Episodes (Two-Liners)
- I told my therapist that I sometimes feel like my life is a TV show. He told me to let him know if I have any more episodes.
|
- Eppie [Ann Landers' real name] Graph (Tom Swifties)
- "I got a personal letter from Ann Landers," was Tom's epigraph.
|
- Equa-door (South America)
- Is the gateway to South America through the Ecuador?
|
- Equinox (One-Liners)
- March 21 and September 21 are days when horses don't use doorbells because they're equine-noxes.
Do oxen turn into horses on the Equine-ox?
|
- Erase (Tom Swifties)
- "Nothing is indelible," said Tom irascibly.
|
- Erg (Measures)
- What someone says when punched in the gut: "erg!"
|
- Ern Prior (Canada)
- "Did you visit Ern before you left?" "Yes, I saw Arnprior to my departure."
|
- Ernest Dead (Tom Swifties)
- "I am NOT a homosexual necrophiliac," said Tom in dead earnest.
|
- Err (1) (Canada)
- To Ayr is human, to forgive (especially punsters) divine.
|
- Err (2) (Meteorology)
- "To air is human, to forgive, divine."
|
- Error (One-Liners)
- Is a lion's mistake an erroar?
|
- Escargot (Two-Liners)
- A snail got himself a fast car with the letter S on its side. He wanted to drive really quickly so that people would say "Look at that S car go!"
A French customs officer confiscated my crate of snails. Now I have less cargo.
|
- Esterhazy (Tom Swifties)
- "Oh, stop talking about the Dreyfus case. Don't you like the colour of my eyes?" asked Esther hazily.
|
- Et Tu, Brute? (Expressions)
- If Brutus had dressed up as a ballerina, Julius Caesar might have said "Et tutu, Brute?"
|
- Ethel (Chemistry)
- Would you buy a drink from a woman named Ethyl Alcohol?
|
- Ethyl Alcohol (Book Titles)
- I Like Liquor: Ethel Alcohol
|
- Eubie Blake (Book Titles)
- Great Jazz Pianists: U. B. Blake
|
- Eunuchs (Computers)
- Male programmers who have lost their manhood are Unix.
|
- Euthenasia (Redefinitions)
- That which grows up and becomes adults in Asia.
|
- Evangelist (Book Titles)
- Jello Proselytizing: Evan Jellist
|
- Evaporate (Book Titles)
- Boiled Dry: Eve AporateA
|
- Eve (Tom Swifties)
- "I wouldn't marry you even if you were the only woman on earth!" said Tom evenly.
|
- Eve of Destruction (Book Titles)
- Prepare to Meet Your Maker: Eva DeStructionJG
|
- Ever at the Ready (Book Titles)
- Fastest Gun In The West: Everett DeReadyJG
|
- Eveready (Book Titles)
- Assault with Battery: Eva Ready
|
- Every Day (Book Titles)
- The Paper Route: Avery DayeJG
|
- Everyone's Clear (Expressions)
- Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
|
- Everyone's Eaten (Cannibals)
- When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone's eaten.
|
- Evolve (One-Liners)
- If Charles Darwin were alive today, would his favourite car be an e-Volvo?
|
- Ex-Amine (Tom Swifties)
- "Now we remove the NH2 group," said Tom during the examination.
|
- Ex-Aspirate (Tom Swifties)
- "I've changed my name to Al," said Hal, exasperated.
|
- Exclamation Mark (Tom Swifties)
- "!" exclaimed Mark.
|
- Ex-Crew (Tom Swifties)
- "I had to fire my first mate when she got too heavy for the boat," said Tom excruciatingly.
|
- Execute (Tom Swifties)
- "Let's kill him," said the executive.
|
- Exercise (Two-Liners)
- Priests who rid the world of evil spirits are always fit and healthy. It shows that exorcise is good for you.
|
- Exhaust (Two-Liners)
- Last night I dreamed that I was a car muffler. I woke up exhausted.
|
- Existential (Mathematics)
- In algebra, never let x = 10 or you'll have an existential crisis.
|
- Exiter (Canada)
- A person using an exit is an Exeter.
|
- Exorcism (Redefinitions)
- Mexorcism: What right-wing Americans want to do with illegal immigrants.
|
- Expansive (Tom Swifties)
- "Here, son, have a free balloon!" said Tom expansively.
|
- Expectantly (Tom Swifties)
- "My mother's sister will be here any minute," said Tom expectauntly.
|
- Expectations Raised (One-Liners)
- Motto of a demolitions company: "Your expectations have been razed."
|
- Expensive (Two-Liners)
- It isn't cheap to quit being a philosopher and a thinker. In fact, it's ex-pensive.
|
- Ex-plane (Tom Swifties)
- "I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.
|
- Ex-PLO (Tom Swifties)
- "Perhaps he's a former Palestinian commie?" explored Tom.
|
- Ex-Postulate (Tom Swifties)
- "But suppose X does exist after all," Tom expostulated.
|
- Ex-Pounded (Tom Swifties)
- "I've lost a lot of weight," Tom expounded.
|
- Ex-Pres[ley] (Tom Swifties)
- "Elvis is dead," said Tom expressly.
|
- Expressive (Tom Swifties)
- "These genes are dominant," said Tom expressively.
|
- Ex-Temp (Tom Swifties)
- "I used to work for Kelly Services," Tom extemporized.
|
- Exterminator (One-Liners)
- Pest Control is the best employment option for T-1000s if they live long enough to retire since, at that point, they will be ex-Terminators.
|
- Extra Terrestrials (Jokes)
- What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.
|
- Ex-Train (Tom Swifties)
- "I used to work for the railway company," said Tom extraneously.
|
- Ex-Uber-Ant (Tom Swifties)
- "I used to command a battalion of German ants," said Tom exuberantly.
|
- Eye for an Eye (Expressions)
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
|
- Eye Land (Physical)
- The best place to find an optometrist is an Island.
|
- Eye On (Chemistry)
- "I'm positive that I just lost an electron." "You'd better keep an ion that."
|
- Eye Rate (One-Liners)
- Some people get upset at high optometrist fees. Others get irate.
|
- Eye-Open (Astronomy)
- Galileo's discovery of Jupiter's moons must have been a real Io-pener.
|
- Eye-Ron [Ronald Reagan] (Tom Swifties)
- "I'm a Reagan-watcher," said Tom ironically.
|
- Force of Habit (Expressions)
- Nuns tend to gather in groups of two pairs due to fours of habit.
|