Pun Dictionary: M Entries

Les Misérables (Tom Swifties)
"Have you anything by Hugo?" asked Les miserably.
M.C. Hammer (One-Liners)
Was the Rapper King of ancient Babylon M.C. Hammurabi?
Macaroni (Book Titles)
Italian Cooking: Mac Aroni p
Mad [dam backwards] (Tom Swifties)
"The dam is back to front," said the builder madly.
Maelstrom (Book Titles)
Caught in a Cyclone: Mel Strom s
Magellan (Book Titles)
Round the World: Madge Ellen 7
Mail (Tom Swifties)
"Of course I can make armour out of chains," Tom replied by mail.
I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.
Main (USA)
The water Maine broke and flooded the street.
Maintain [software] (Tom Swifties)
"I have to fix all the bugs, and add some new features," Tom maintained.
Major (Military)
Winning the battle was a major accomplishment.
Major Disaster (Book Titles)
Military Defeats: Major Disaster and General Mayhem
Make a (Middle East)
Are people in Saudi Arabia neat, or do they Mecca mess?
Make Ends Meet (One-Liners)
Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
Make Something of Yourself (Cannibals)
A cannibal went to chef school so she could make something of herself.
Make Up (Two-Liners)
Cosmeticians are liars. They makeup everything.
Make up (1) (Expressions)
Atoms never tell the truth. They make up everything.
Make up (2) (Expressions)
If atoms make up everything, can they put lipstick on a pig?
Makes My Day (Expressions)
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
Make-Up Test (One-Liners)
If students can't write an exam in Beauty School, do they get to write a make-up test?
Makin' (USA)
"Where's Dad?" "He's in the kitchen Macon dinner."
Malcontent (Book Titles)
I'm not a happy camper!: Malcolm Tent
Malfunction (Book Titles)
It Won't Work!: Mel Function JG
Mall Dive (Asia: South)
"Where on earth would people put a diving board in a shopping mall?" "In the Maldive Islands, of course."
Mallard (One-Liners)
Is duck fat known as mal-lard?
Mam Moth (Tom Swifties)
"Let's go and fly around the street lights, children," said the mammoth.
Mamma Mia (Animals)
A musical show about snake charmers could be called "Mamba Mia".
Man He Caught A (Pasta)
Manicotti real bad cold! I hope I don't get it!
Man to Lay (Asia)
"He wants to know where to lay the floor tiles." "Tell the Mandalay them in the hall."
Mandatory (Book Titles)
This is Not Optional: Amanda Tory
Man-Full (Tom Swifties)
"I don't want a second helping, thank you," said the cannibal manfully.
Manga Knees (Chemistry: Elements)
A Japanese cartoonist makes the drawing of leg joints elementary, because they're manganese.
Manila (Asia: Philippines)
Is mail in the Philippines often delivered in Manila envelopes?
Manny Fold (Cars)
"What does Manny do with the sheets after they're washed?" "Manifold them and put them away."
Manta Ray (USA)
This fish is a manta ray, not a Monterrey!
Manual Labour (Book Titles)
I Like Weeding Gardens: Manuel Labour
Many Hands Make Light Work (Expressions)
The Hand family consists of 10 electricians. Their motto is "Many Hands make light work."
Many Happy Returns (1) (Expressions)
I got a birthday card shaped like a boomerang. It said "Many Happy Returns".
Many Happy Returns (2) (Expressions)
What to wish a person whose birthday is on Boxing Day: "Many happy returns."
Maple Syrup (Book Titles)
You're So Sweet: Mable Syrup JG
Marathon (Canada)
People in Marathon (Ontario) love to run to work.
Skimpy underwear for those who like to run is called a marathong.
March Forth (Jokes)
What day of the year is a command to go forward? March 4th.
Marcus Welby (Book Titles)
Kangaroo Illnesses: Marcus Wallaby, M.D.
Marie Celeste (Book Titles)
Ship Mysteries: Marie Celeste
Marie Curie (Tom Swifties)
"I wonder why uranium is fluorescent," said Mary curiously.
"Who discovered radium?" asked Marie, curiously.
Marina (Book Titles)
Where to park your boat: Marina Dock
Mariott (Book Titles)
Nice Hotels: Mary Ott i
Mark (Names)
The name of a man who grades essays and tests is Mark.
Mark 'em (Canada)
I've been marking students too lightly. I have to Markham harder.
Mark of Distinction (Book Titles)
Personal Best: Marco DeStinction JG
Mark of Zorro (Book Titles)
The Letter Z: Marko Zorro
Mark Us Absent (Book Titles)
The Truancy Problem: Marcus Absent JG
Marked Up (Book Titles)
Scuffed Floors: Mark Tupp JG
Marks (Names)
I failed Socialist Philosophy. I couldn't get the Marx.
Marm Me Laid (Tom Swifties)
"Marmalade," said the newly hatched chicken.
Marmalade (Redefinitions)
Bread spread for the obsequious: Smarmalade.
Marquis de Sade (One-Liners)
If the president of a lawn care company were a sadist, would his nickname be the Marquis de Sod?
Marry Him (Book Titles)
When You Find Mr. Right: Miriam Quick
Marry in Haste (Book Titles)
Repent At Leisure: Marion Hayste JG
Marry Land (USA)
The best place to get married is Maryland.
Mars (Astronomy)
That observatory is ugly. It Mars the whole landscape.
Martial Arts (Book Titles)
Care For A Chop?: Marsha Larts JG
Martial Law (Book Titles)
Military Rule: Marshall Law
Mary-Anna (Physical)
When Anne and Mary dug a ditch, it was dubbed the Mariana Trench.
Mass (Two-Liners)
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.
Mass Disruption (Expressions)
The whoopee cushion was confiscated in algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
Master Full (Tom Swifties)
"You're next, Mistress Ballantrae," said the cannibal masterfully.
Mat (Names)
He got this name by lying on the porch too much: Matt.
Mat a Door [doormat that says Welcome] (Tom Swifties)
"Welcome!" said the matador.
Mata-Door (One-Liners)
Bullfighters enter the arena through the matador.
Matador (Book Titles)
I Love Bullfighting: Matt Adore JG
Matches (Book Titles)
Fire Me Up!: Matt Chez t
Google is terrible. I searched for lighters and got 145,000 matches.
Matrix (Redefinitions)
April Fool's pranks one month late: Matrix.
Matt Emulsion (Book Titles)
Home Decorating: Matt Emulsion v
Matt Finish (Book Titles)
Scandinavian Photography: Matt Finnish JG
Maudlin Story (Book Titles)
Weepy Movie: Maud Lynn Story
Maulee (Africa)
A person who mauls is a mauler. A person who is mauled is a Mali.
Mausoleum (One-Liners)
When Kate Moss passes away, will her final resting place be a Moss-oleum?
Maximize (Book Titles)
More for Your Money: Max Amize 3
May Pull (Plants)
Lazy Larry maple his own weight, but only if he has to.
May the Force be with You (Expressions)
International Star Wars Day: May the Fourth be with you!
Maybelline (Book Titles)
Makeup for Thin People: Mabel Leen B
Mayflower (Book Titles)
Pilgrim Settlers: May Flower JG
Mayonnaise (Book Titles)
Continental Recipes: May O'Nez C
I named my horse Mayo. Mayo neighs.
Maze (Grains)
His supply of corny jokes never ceases to a-maize me.
Mc Call (Toronto)
A McTelephone at McDonald's is used to make a McCaul.
McCow (Asia: China)
McDonald's gets its McBurgers from Macau.
Me and My Shadow (Asia)
Do Geographers in Southeast Asia sing "Myanmar Shadow"?
Me and You (Cannibals)
Who's on the menu at the Cannibal Restaurant? Me-n-u.
Me Dinner (Middle East)
A geographer learned to cook because "I wanted to learn to make Medina."
Me Kong (Asia: Southeast)
What the "gorilla your dreams" might say: "Mekong, you Fay Wray."
Meal (Mathematics)
Which French number can feed the hungry? Mille!
Mean [average] (Tom Swifties)
"Add up this list of n numbers and then divide the sum by n," said Tom meanly.
Means Well (Two-Liners)
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
Measured Tones (Tom Swifties)
"According to this sonograph, the average frequency of my speaking voice is 160 Hz," said Tom in measured tones.
Meat Tree (Book Titles)
Where I Got the Steaks: Dmitri Outside
Meatier (Cannibals)
Cannibals like astronomers because they're meteor.
Meaty-er (Astronomy)
The cow is bigger and heavier, but is it meteor too?
Mechanically (Tom Swifties)
"I've got to fix the car," said Tom mechanically.
Medal (Tom Swifties)
"You won the bronze," said Tom meddlingly.
Medicate (Redefinitions)
Medicate: What the cannibals did to the doctor.
Medicine Men (Book Titles)
Shamans and Witch Doctors: Madison Menn
Mediocre (One-Liners)
An inferior brown pigment is mediochre.
Meditation (Book Titles)
The Spiritual Life: Ned Itation l
Medium (Misc)
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Meet (Cannibals)
Cannibals are very friendly. They like to meat people.
Meet Her (Measures)
"Cheryl's a really nice person." "Oh, I'd like to metre."
Meet Us (Anatomy)
"Where is Mike? He said he'd meatus 20 minutes ago!"
Megabyte (Book Titles)
Computer Memories: Meg Abight 7
Mel Born (Australasia)
You and your brother Mel were born in different hospitals. In which was Melbourne?
Melancholy Baby (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a dog with a cantaloupe? A melon-collie baby. (d)
Melodrama (Book Titles)
Irish Soap Operas: Mel O'Drama A
Melon-Collie (Tom Swifties)
"My dog will only eat cantaloupes," was Tom's melancholy complaint.
Melony Flavour (Book Titles)
Why I like Cantaloupe: Melanie Flavour
Men-Shun (Tom Swifties)
"I'm a lesbian," Mary mentioned.
Mercedes Benz (One-Liners)
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Merci [French] full (Tom Swifties)
"A thousand thanks, Monsieur," said Tom mercifully.
Merci Beaucoup (Europe: France)
Do you thank people in the south of France with "Marseilles beaucoup"?
Mercy (Europe: United Kingdom)
Please, have Mersey! No more Geography puns!
Merit Trish (Tom Swifties)
"You and Patricia deserve each other," said Tom meretriciously.
Merlot Vintner (Book Titles)
Specialty Winemaker: Merle O. Vintner
Merman (Europe: Russia)
The Russian port city with lots of male sea folk is Murmansk.
Merry (Names)
We wish you a Mary Christmas and a happy new year.
Merry Christmas (Book Titles)
Happy New Year!: Mary Christmas
Met a [be]fore (Tom Swifties)
"You don't have to introduce us," said Tom metaphorically.
Met a Four Rick (Tom Swifties)
"I just encountered Rick, Rick, Rick and Rick," said Tom metaphorically.
Met a physically (Tom Swifties)
"I've done more than talk to her on the phone," said Tom metaphysically.
Metacarpal (Tom Swifties)
"I dislike arguments because I hurt my hand banging my fist on the table," complained Tom meta-carpally.
Meticulous (Book Titles)
Very Precise: Matt Iculous A
Metis Surprise (Book Titles)
Riel Ambush!: May T. Surprise
Mews (Tom Swifties)
"Maybe it's in the stables," Tom mused.
M-Fat (Tom Swifties)
"|\/|," said Tom emphatically.
"The 13th letter of the alphabet is really large!" said Tom emphatically.
Michigan (Book Titles)
Car Capital Of The World: Mitch Egan JG
Microbes (Book Titles)
Clothes for Germ Kings: Mike Robes
Mightily (Tom Swifties)
"I love that superhero mouse," said Tom mightily.OK
Mike (Names)
This guy has an attachment to loudspeakers: Mike.
Mike A (Geology)
"What shall we give Mike?" "Let's give mica new mineral for his collection!"
Mike Fright (Book Titles)
Overcoming Nervousness On Radio: Mike Fright JG
Miles Away (Book Titles)
Daddy are We There Yet?: Miles Away
Militant (Book Titles)
When's The Revolution?: Millie Tant JG
Militia (Tom Swifties)
"I command a private army," said Tom maliciously.
Millionaire (Book Titles)
Stories About Rich People: Millie O'Nair JA
Milton (Canada)
One can always find a copy of "Paradise Lost" in Milton, Ontario.
Mincing (Tom Swifties)
"I'll cut you to ribbons!" said Tom mincingly.
Mind is a terrible thing to waste (Expressions)
A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Minden Now (Asia: Philippines)
"Can't we go to Minden later?" "No! I want to go to Mindenao!"
Mine (One-Liners)
Would an ancient Central American valentine have said "Be Mayan"?
That bomb is not yours, it's mine.
Mini Apple Is (USA)
Everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but who knows where the Minneapolis?
Mini Blinds (Book Titles)
Decorating your Mousehole: Minnie Blinds l
Mini Mum (Mathematics)
A very small mother: Minimum.
Mini Soda (USA)
The opposite of a huge soda is a Minnesota.
Minnesota (Book Titles)
Many Are Cold, But Few Are Frozen: Minnie Sota JG
Minors (Two-Liners)
C, E flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, no minors".
Minus (Canada)
A good place to do subtraction is Minas Basin.
Minute (USA)
"Come on, we have to go!" "Just a Minot! I have to put away my atlas!"
Minute [small] (Animals)
I got a pet newt and named him Tiny, because he's my newt.
Minute or (Two-Liners)
"Hey, Theseus, how long will it take you to get out of the labyrinth?" "Oh, a minotaur so."
Misbehaving (Tom Swifties)
"Blimey, I can't find anything to eat to-dye," said the Cockney bear misbehivingly.
Miser (Astronomy)
The cheapskate astronomer is a Mizar.
Misery (USA)
A Geography cliche: Missouri loves company.
Mislaid (Jokes)
Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs? Because she mislaid them.
Miss Direct (Tom Swifties)
A reporter asked Winston Churchill, "What do you think of the prediction that by the year 2000, women will rule the world?" "Hmmm, they still will, eh?" replied Churchill misdirectedly.
Miss Taken (Tom Swifties)
"She's already married," said Tom mistakenly.
Missed (One-Liners)
In some places fog will never be mist.
Missed Her Ear (Tom Swifties)
"Ouch! I pinched my cheek trying to put on this earring," said Mary mysteriously.
Missed the Bus (Book Titles)
Long Walk: Miss D. Bus j
Missing (Expressions)
What, you haven't tried blindfolded archery? You don't know what you're missing!
Mistake (One-Liners)
Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed-steak.
Mistakes & Mishaps (Book Titles)
Errors and Accidents: Miss Takes and Miss Haps
Mistle Toe (Christmas)
Instead of athelete's foot, Santa gets mistletoe.
Mitch Again (USA)
"Oh, no! It's Michigan!" "Why does Mitch keep bothering you?"
Moan & Groan (Book Titles)
Ohh, the Pain, the Pain!: Moe N. Groan
Moan a Lot (Book Titles)
The Porn Queen: Mona Lott JG
Mobile (USA)
Is Alabama the place to be if you're young and upwardly Mobile?
Mock Turtle Soup (Tom Swifties)
"This ain't real turtle soup!" said Tom mockingly.
Modest [Mussorgsky] (Tom Swifties)
"Yes, I wrote 'Pictures at an Exhibition', but only the piano version," said the composer modestly.
Moe Have (USA)
"Does Mohave a headache?" "Moe should, after getting beaned by that baseball."
Molasses (One-Liners)
A Charlie's Angels spinoff that never got off the ground was "Moe's Lasses", who helped people get out of sticky situations.
Mom, Buy (India)
Do Indian children say "Mumbai me a toy!" at the store?
Mon Droit (Tom Swifties)
"The British royal motto is Honi soit qui, qui -- no, it's Dieu et mon, er -- oh, I forget," said Tom maladroitly.
Mona Lisa (Tom Swifties)
"I'm tired of smiling," moaned Lisa.
Monday (Ghosts)
Which day of the week is a ghost's favourite? Moanday.
Monk Key (Animals)
Monks unlock the monastary with a monkey.
Monk Ton (Canada)
The new monastery should be built in Moncton.
Mono[nucleosis] Tonic (Tom Swifties)
"I have a patent cure for 'the kissing disease'," said Tom monotonically.
Monte Carlo (Europe)
The place to go to gamble with fruit is del Monte Carlo.
Montezuma (Book Titles)
Mexican Revenge: Monty Zuma
Monty Carlo (Book Titles)
Gambling: Monty Carlos
Moo (Greek Letters)
Greek cows make this noise: Mu.
Moped [sad] / Moped [motorized bike] (Tom Swifties)
"I'm sad that my motorized bicycle isn't working," Tom moped.
More Bid (Tom Swifties)
"$400. Do I hear $500?" asked the auctioneer morbidly.
More Gun Control (Book Titles)
No More Rifles!: Morgan Control JG
More Is (Names)
Haligonian platitude: "Few is fine, but Morris merrier."
More is Merrier (Book Titles)
I Love Crowds: Morris Merrier
More Obtain (Africa)
To obtain more of something, go to Mauretania.
More of Ya (Europe: Eastern)
"I hate gaining weight!" "Don't worry. It just means there's Moravia to love."
More Rain (Physical)
When physical geographers complain about drought, they say "We need Moraine."
More Reports (Book Titles)
The TV News Anchorman: Maury Ports JG
More Rocco (Africa)
"My husband Rocco is getting fat!" "I guess there's Morocco to love."
More Ron (Tom Swifties)
"What we need is more people like Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald," said Tom moronically.
Morgue (Music)
A person who plays the opposite of fugues accumulates a body of work in a more-gue.
Morn (Tom Swifties)
"Dawn came too soon," Tom mourned.
Mortar (Military)
Get some mortar so we can patch the brick wall.
Moss Cow (Europe: Russia)
A bovine sculpture made from entirely from moss is a Moscow.
Motorbike (Jokes)
What cruises down the riverbed at 60 mph? A motorpike with two side carps.
Move (One-Liners)
When my neighbour painted his house purple, I had to mauve away.
Mow [the] Lawn (Book Titles)
Cut the Grass!: Moe Lawn
Mow Them (Jokes)
How should we deal with the electronic dandelions? Modem.
Mow this Lawn (Book Titles)
Cut the Grass!: Moses Lawn b
Mozzarella (Cheeses)
Do those of the Hebrew persuasion put Matzo-rella cheese on their crackers?
MP Cops (Book Titles)
Enforcing Discipline in the Army: M. P. Copps
Mrs Auga (Toronto)
Mr. Auga is married to Mississauga.
Mrs Zippy (USA)
Mr. Zippy is married to Mississippi.
Much Room (Jokes)
How much room does a fungus need to grow? As mushroom as possible.
Mulan (Two-Liners)
I wrote a book about my life installing computer networks on cattle farms. I wanted to call it MooLAN, but the Disney lawyers objected.
Mum Bull (Tom Swifties)
"Look! There's a male cow with some chrysanthemums on it!" Tom mumbled.
Mumblety-Peg (Tom Swifties)
"I've got a new game," mumbled Peg.
Mumps (Tom Swifties)
"My glands are swollen," said Tom mumpishly.
Murder (Christmas)
I've always wondered, when Christmas rolls around, if we got frankincensed enough, would he commit myrrh-der?
Murphy's Law (Book Titles)
Wouldn't You Know It: Murphy Slaw JG
Muscles (Meat)
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
Mustard (One-Liners)
When a soldier leaves the army, he turns into a condiment, because he's mustered out.
Mutiny on the Bounty (One-Liners)
Could we call a revolt in a paper towel factory a Mutiny on the Bounty?
Mutt (Tom Swifties)
"That dog's a mongrel," Tom muttered.
My Boyfriend's Back [song] (Music)
Before the Obamas got married, did Michelle sing "My Boyfriend's Barak and You're Gonna Be in Trouble"?
My Camel Died (Book Titles)
Geez, It's Hot!: Mike Hammeldyed j
My Hat My Coat (Book Titles)
I Was a Cloakroom Attendant: Mahatma Coate 1
My Land (Europe: Italy)
Woody Guthrie in Italy would sing "This land is your land, this land is Milan…"
My Low (Book Titles)
Why I Failed Math: Milo Grades
My Renault (Book Titles)
French Cars: Myra Neault k
My Tilde Key (Book Titles)
How to Type Squiggles: Matilda Key
Mynah Bird (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a canary with a mole? A miner bird.

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