- L Is (Toronto)
- Ellis the twelfth letter of the alphabet.
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- La Bra Door (Canada)
- In order to get into Victoria's Secret, one must walk through Labrador.
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- La Goon (Physical)
- Pseudo-French for "the thug" is Lagoon.
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- Laboratory (Chemistry)
- A Chemistry teacher gave a very skillful and inspiring lecture in class. It was a lab oratory!
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- Laced (Two-Liners)
- I bought some shoes off a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
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- Lack a Daisy (Tom Swifties)
- "I have no more flowers," said Tom lackadaisically.
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- Lack a Daisy [2001 A Space Odyssey] (Tom Swifties)
- "I've forgotten that song Dr. Chandra taught me," said HAL lackadaisically.
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- Lack Conic (Tom Swifties)
- "No ellipses, no parabolas, and no hyperbolas," said Tom laconically.
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- Lack Toes (Jokes)
- Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
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- Lactose Intolerant (One-Liners)
- I have to eat breakfast with toast because I'm lack-toast intolerant.Pun.me
It offends me that lilacs have no feet because I am lilac-toes intolerant.
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- Lady Chatterly (Tom Swifties)
- "I'm having an affair with my gamekeeper," said the lady chattily.
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- Laid (One-Liners)
- How do hens lose their jobs? They get laid off.
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- Lam (Meat)
- "Sam the Sheep broke out of the Pen last week." "Yep, he's on the lamb now."
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- Lamb The (Greek Letters)
- Give da lambda oats and it will grow up to become a sheep.
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- Lambada (Animals)
- What's a sheep's favourite Latin dance? The Lambada.
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- Lame (Tom Swifties)
- "I think I've lost my leg, sir," reported Uxbridge lamely. "By God, so you have!" replied Wellington generally.
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- Lance Boil (Book Titles)
- Here's Pus In Your Eye: Lance BoyleJG
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- Lancelot (Names)
- Lance is an uncommon name these days, but in medieval times people were named Lance a lot!
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- Land (Anatomy)
- Before operating, an endocrinologist might say "Gland ho!"
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- Landslide (Geology)
- A soils scientist was elected president of the Geological Society. Apparently, she won by a landslide.
What do you call a flock of sheep tumbling down a hill? A lambslide.
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- Language (Computers)
- "@#*&^!!?{! programs!" "You watch your language!"
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- Lariat (Book Titles)
- Not a Lasso!: Larry Ett
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- Lasagne (Book Titles)
- Italian Delicacies: Liz OnyaJG
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- Lass Study (Tom Swifties)
- "I've made a study of girls," said Tom lassitudinously.
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- Last Legs (Expressions)
- When your shoes are falling apart, does it mean they're on their last legs?
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- Last of Mohicans (Book Titles)
- James Fenimore Cooper: Lester Moe Hickenss
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- Last Thing I Need (Expressions)
- A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I said "That's the last thing I need!"
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- Last, But Not Least (Expressions)
- Someone bought the only car left at the dealership. It was last, but not leased.
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- Lauding 'em (One-Liners)
- Some people say my puns are sleep-inducing, but I keep laudanum anyways.
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- Laughing his Head Off (Undead)
- What goes "Ha, ha, ha, plop"? A man laughing his head off.
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- Laughing Stock (One-Liners)
- If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.
The head honchos of Komedy Klub wanted to issues shares and go public, but were advised against it. Nobody wants to be associated with a laughing stock.
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- Laundry (One-Liners)
- Can you wash grass in the lawndry?
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- Lauriate (Book Titles)
- Nobel Prize Cannibals: Laurie AteJG
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- Law Abider (Book Titles)
- Honest Citizen: Laura ByderA
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- Law and Order (Book Titles: Good)
- Crackdown: Lauren OrderJG
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- Law Suits (Jokes)
- What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
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- Lawb-sters (One-Liners)
- If people in the Mob are mobsters, why aren't lawyers called lobsters?
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- Lawn Mower (Book Titles: Good)
- How to Cut Grass: Lon Mooren
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- Lawn, He Mow It (Book Titles: Good)
- What He Will Do to the Grass: Lonnie Mowat
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- Lawrence Welk (Book Titles: Good)
- Music of the Sea: Lawrence Whelk
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- Lay Low (Expressions)
- Are chickens who are hiding just laying low?
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- Lay Of the Land (Two-Liners)
- Surveyors like Star Wars. They're always looking at the Leia the land.
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- Lay Us (Asia: Southeast)
- "Now we Laos down to sleep; we pray the Lord our souls to keep."
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- Layer Cake (Baked)
- When the heroes and villains are having dinner in their hideouts, do they have lair cake for dessert?
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- Layered (One-Liners)
- A style of dressing that makes you resemble a Scottish noble: the Laird Look.
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- Lazy Bones (Book Titles: Good)
- Get Off Your Butt and Work!: Lacey Bones
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- Lead (Chemistry: Elements)
- A chemist can be lead to water, but cannot be made to drink.
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- Lead On (Europe: Iberia)
- If Macbeth had been in Spain, his final challenge would have been: "Leon Macduff! ..."
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- Leader (Measures)
- Weights and measures inspectors like to play follow the litre.
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- Leads (Europe: United Kingdom)
- My Geography prof Leeds a double life.
A British city has gone missing. Police are currently looking for Leeds.
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- Leaf Raker (Book Titles)
- Nordic Groundskeepers: Leif RakerJG
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- Leaking (Book Titles: Good)
- The Palace Roof has a Hole: Lee King
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- Leaky Faucet (Book Titles)
- You Drip!: Lee K. Fawcetteb
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- Leap (One-Liners)
- Do high jumpers perform better in leap years?
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- Leap of Faith (Expressions)
- A priest, a rabbi and an imam went skydiving. They called it a leap of faith.
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- Leapt On (Physics)
- "The particle physicist jumped on the bandwagon?" "No, he lepton it."
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- Lear [jet] (Tom Swifties)
- "She even flies her own jet," Tom leered.
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- Lease a Car (Book Titles: Good)
- Hertz, Don't It?: Lisa CarrJG
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- Least Spoken (Jokes)
- What's the least spoken language? Sign language.
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- Leave Me (South America)
- "Go away! Get lost! Scram! Lima alone!"
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- Leaves (1) (Hockey)
- The way some players behave on the ice Leafs much to be desired.
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- Leaves (2) (Plants)
- When a tree needs to move, it packs up its trunk and leaves.
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- Led Zeppelin (Music)
- I got a model of a dirigible and when I put little lights on it, it began to play "Stairway to Heaven". It was an LED Zeppelin.
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- Lederhosen (One-Liners)
- Firefighter Chiefs prefer to wear leader-hosen.
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- Leg (Anatomy)
- At last, the runners have entered the last leg of the marathon.
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- Leg Up (Cannibals)
- The competitive cannibal is said to have a leg up on the competition.
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- Legendary (One-Liners)
- The Mythical Cheese is legendairy.
Did you know that the Roman Army sold milk wherever it went? It was Legion-Dairy.
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- Legends (One-Liners)
- Stories about my feet are not myths. They're leg-ends.
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- Leggo My Eggo (Expressions)
- I made a waffle out of plastic blocks just so that I could say "Lego my Eggo!"
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- Leia [Princess] (Basketball)
- The Star Wars character who was most into basketball was Princess Lay-Up.
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- Lemmon (Cars)
- Would you buy a car from the actor Jack Lemon?
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- Lemon (Mathematics)
- A sour citrus fruit: Lemma.
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- Len Sing (USA)
- "Len is a terrific musician." "Yes, but can Lansing?"
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- Lend a Hand (Book Titles)
- Volunteer's Guidebook: Linda HandJG
Cannibals are good friends. They're always ready to lend a hand when you need help.
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- Lenin (One-Liners)
- A Soviet-era brand of fabric was called Vladimir Linen.
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- Len's Down (Toronto)
- "Hey Fred, where's Len?" "Lansdowne by the creek, fishing."
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- Leotard (Book Titles)
- Tight Situation: Leah TardJG
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- Leroy (Money)
- "Bad, bad, lira Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town..."
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- Les Misérables (Tom Swifties)
- "You call this a musical?" said Les miserably.
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- Lesbian (Book Titles: Good)
- Gay Vegetables: Les Bean
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- Less is More (Book Titles)
- The Shrinking Society: Les IsmoorJG
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- Less Riches (Book Titles)
- Bad Investment: Les Richesj
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- Lesser of Two Evils (Expressions)
- Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
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- Let 'Er Rip (Hot Cross Puns)
- What do you get when you cross alphabet soup with a laxative? Letter Rip.
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- Let Out (Two-Liners)
- A tailor let out my pants. I had to chase them all over the yard before I caught them.
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- Let Us (Vegetables)
- Why won't you lettuce in to tell you Knock-knock jokes?
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- Let Us Pray (Expressions)
- Two skunks wandered into a church service and said "Let us spray."
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- Lethal Weapon (Book Titles)
- More Mindless Violence: Lee FullweaponA
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- Levels (One-Liners)
- Stairs and ladders are fun on so many levels.
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- Leviathan (Jokes)
- How can skinny jeans also be huge? If they're Levi-a-thins.
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- Levitation (Book Titles)
- Jewish Mysticism: Lev Itationl
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- Lexicon (Book Titles: Good)
- A Dictionary of Swindles: Lexi Kahn
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- Liability (One-Liners)
- A criminal's best asset is his also his lie ability.Pun.me
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- Liar (Music)
- The least truthful musical instrument is the lyre.
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- Libby A (Africa)
- "Libby wants a book." "Okay, give Libya Geography text."
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- Libido (Book Titles)
- Heat Makes Me Rise: Libby Dough
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- Lid (Europe: United Kingdom)
- To close the jar, tighten the Lydd.
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- Lies (Jokes)
- How does a politician / lawyer sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.
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- Lieutenants (Book Titles)
- Theft Among Arthropods: The Lieutenantsl
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- Lift Off (Book Titles)
- Rocket Launch: Cliff Toff
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- Lift the Spirits (Ghosts)
- An elevator makes ghosts happy because it lifts the spirits.
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- Light (Christmas)
- How can you make Santa Claus light? Stick his finger in the socket.
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- Light [beer] (Tom Swifties)
- "This bud's for you," said Tom lightly.
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- Light Sleeper (Jokes)
- Why did the little fella sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.
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- Light Snack (Jokes)
- Why did the monster eat a light bulb? Because he needed a light snack.
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- Light Wait (Redefinitions)
- Lightweight: The time between flipping the switch and the bulb turning on.
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- Lightening (Meteorology)
- Knowledge of thunderstorm mechanics can often be en-lightning.
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- Lighter [that ignites something] (Jokes)
- What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? The hippo is heavy and the Zippo is a little lighter.
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- Light-Headed (Expressions)
- I put a flashing light on my bike helmet to help me be seen at night. Instead, it made me dizzy because I was light-headed.
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- Lily Livered (Book Titles)
- Joys of Cowardice: Lily LivardJG
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- Limb (Plants)
- Some people are willing to go out on a limb to conserve forests.
|
- Limb Burger (Cheeses)
- What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger.
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- Limbo (Undead)
- Do zombies do the limb-o dance at parties?
|
- Lime Stoned (Geology)
- Snorting powdered citrus fruit got the geologist limestoned.
|
- Limp (Anatomy)
- Does a lame doctor walk with a lymph?
|
- Limply (Tom Swifties)
- "Please save the branches of our trees," said Tom limply.
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- Line (Fruits)
- A straight lime is the shortest distance between two points.
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- Linguine (One-Liners)
- If I made a hotdog out of pasta, should it be called a ling-weenie?
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- Links (Animals)
- Biologists are always hunting for the missing lynx in the evolutionary process.
|
- Linoleum (Book Titles)
- Irish Flooring: Lynn O'Leum
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- Lion Will Eat You (Book Titles)
- Meals On Safari: Lionel EechaJG
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- Lip [disrespect] (Cannibals)
- Don't sass cannibals. They don't take lip from anybody.
|
- Lips (Anatomy)
- Morty The Mouth's favourite song: "Tip Toe, Through the Two Lips".
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- Lips Were Sealed (Expressions)
- He didn't tell his mother that he had eaten some glue. His lips were sealed.Pun.me
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- Lisp (Computers)
- When thomeone talkth like thith, he hath a Lisp.
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- Lisp [programming language] (Tom Swifties)
- "I like writing artificially intelligent programs," Tom lisped.
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- List Less (Tom Swifties)
- "Gentlemen: Please send me your catalogue," wrote Tom, listlessly.
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- Litter [chair carried by servants] (Tom Swifties)
- "I want to be carried in a covered couch," said Tom literally.
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- Litter Ate (Tom Swifties)
- "Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?" asked Tom literately.
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- Littering (Animals)
- When the dog gave birth to puppies next to the side of the road, it was cited for littering.
|
- Little Horse (Tom Swifties)
- "I want a pony!" said Tom a little hoarsely.
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- Little House on the Prairie (One-Liners)
- A story about a pony on the pampas could be called "Little Horse on the Prairie".
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- Little in Common (Expressions)
- Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
|
- Little Patient (Two-Liners)
- "Doctor, I'm shrinking!" "Well, you'll have to be a little patient."
|
- Little Rock (USA)
- A piece of gravel in Arkansas is a Little Rock.
|
- Live Only A (Europe: Eastern)
- My downtown apartment is great! I Livonia few minutes from work!
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- Liver (Anatomy)
- A person who lives can be called a liver.
|
- Liver Pool (Europe: United Kingdom)
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
|
- Livid (Chemistry)
- Organic chemists get lipid with rage.
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- Liz Bun (Europe: Iberia)
- Liz opened a Portuguese bread shop, calling it the "Lisbon".
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- Loaf (Baked)
- Silly Billy was told he was well-bred because he was always loafing around.
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- Loafer (Jokes)
- What kind of shoes do lazy people prefer? Loafers.
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- Locks (One-Liners)
- Can a woman on a boat in Scotland drop locks of her hair in the locks between lochs, while eating bagels with lox and picking the locks on her door?
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- Loco Motives (Jokes)
- Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
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- Loft (Tom Swifties)
- "Choir up!" commanded the church conductor loftily.
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- Log Rhythm (Mathematics)
- The musical beat for cut tree limbs: Logarithm.
|
- Logger (Jokes)
- What is the preferred beer of lumberjacks? Lager.
|
- Lone Ranger (One-Liners)
- A bank employee becomes a Western hero when she is the Loan Arranger.
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- Long (Anatomy)
- Combat medic's marching song: "It's a Lung Way to Tipperary".
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- Long Sentence (One-Liners)
- If the judge loves the sound of his/her voice, expect a long sentence.Pun.me
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- Long Time, No See (Expressions)
- In Plantagenet England there was a rule that said that if bishops grew their herbs to excessive sizes, they would be stripped of their diocese. Hence the origin of the phrase "long thyme no see."
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- Longer (Baked)
- I asked the bakery if they had shortbread. They told me they don't make it any longer.
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- Loo Pins (One-Liners)
- Lupins are what you find on a lavatory's bulletin board.
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- Look Out (Book Titles)
- Danger!: Luke Out
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- Looked Surprised (Two-Liners)
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
|
- Looking Into (Two-Liners)
- I've never owned a telescope. It's something worth looking into.
|
- Looking into It (Expressions)
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
|
- Loop [programming] (Tom Swifties)
- "No, you have to do it again," reiterated Tom loopily.
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- Loose Elastic (Book Titles: Good)
- Fallen Underwear: Lucy LasticJG
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- Loose Fur (One-Liners)
- Can we name shedding pets after the fallen angel Lucifer?
|
- Lorentz (Toronto)
- "No, no! Lorentz studied human behavior. Lawrence wrote poetry!"
|
- Lorna Doon (Book Titles: Good)
- Scots in the Desert: Lorna Dune
|
- Lorry Driver (Book Titles)
- I Guide Large Vehicles in England: Laurie Driver
|
- Lose Your Head (Undead)
- When a zombie gets really angry, does it lose its head?
|
- Loser (Book Titles)
- Tear Up Those Betting Slips: Lou ZerrJG
|
- Losers (Music)
- If people who work are called workers, why aren't people who play the blues called bluesers?
|
- Loses an Eye (Mathematics)
- Square root of -4 = 2. For mathematicians, it's all fun and games until someone loses an i.
|
- Losing (Asia: Philippines)
- The team has been defeated 18 times in a row. They're on a real Luzon streak.
|
- Loss for Words (Expressions)
- I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.
|
- Lost a Lot (Animals)
- We ocelot of money in the stock market crash.
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- Lost at Sea (Jokes)
- Why can't pirates recite the alphabet? They get lost at C.
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- Lost Her (Canada)
- I found the love of my life, I Gloucester and I found her again.
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- Lost It [go nuts] (Expressions)
- I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.
|
- Lost My Case (One-Liners)
- I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage, but apparently I lost my case.
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- Lot Of (Names)
- "I won a million bucks in the lottery!" "That's a Lotta money! Can I have some?"
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- Lot of Dust (Book Titles)
- Good Housekeeping: Lotta Dust
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- Lot of Noise (Book Titles)
- Punk Rock Rulez!: Lotta NoyzeJG
|
- Lots (Europe: Eastern)
- People in Poland have Lodz of problems to deal with now.
|
- Lou Can (Canada)
- "But can Lou survive all those Pun Tests?" "If anybody can do it, Lucan."
|
- Loud and Clear (Book Titles: Good)
- The Ham Radio Primer: Loudon ClearJG
|
- Louisiana (Book Titles)
- Mardi Gras Time: Lou IsianaJG
|
- Love (Baseball)
- When she accidentally beaned him with her catcher's mitt, he knew it was glove at first sight.
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
|
- Love [tennis - zero score] (Tom Swifties)
- "What's the score in the Stevie Wonder - Ray Charles tennis game?" asked Tom lovingly.
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- Loved at All (Expressions)
- Tis better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall.
|
- Loved her Still (Expressions)
- She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
|
- Low (Jokes)
- Why are there no floods in Paris? Because the water is always l'eau.
|
- Low Blow (Expressions)
- When his ears were criticized, the MMA fighter responded with a sucker punch. It was a lobe low.
|
- Lowest (Names)
- I got 6% in a Math test once. It was the Lois mark the teacher ever gave!
|
- Lowest Denominator (Book Titles)
- I Love Fractions: Lois Denominator
|
- Loyalty (Australasia)
- Friends from the Loyalty Islands will always stand by you.
|
- Loyola [founder of Jesuits] (Tom Swifties)
- "I always pray to St. Ignatius," said Tom loyally.
|
- Luau (Book Titles)
- Hawaiian Parties are Amazing!: Lou Wow
|
- Lucifer (One-Liners)
- Pet hair that is lying around the house is devilish because it is Loose Fur.
A devilishly sticky brand of adhesive is Glucifer.
|
- Luck Now (India)
- I need to throw ten sixes to win. Boy, do I need Lucknow.
|
- Luke Has Measles (Book Titles)
- He's Contagious!: Lucas Measles
|
- Lukewarm (Book Titles)
- Not So Hot: Luke WarmJG
|
- Lumber (Tom Swifties)
- "I chop down trees for a living," said Tom lumberingly.
|
- Lumberjack (Two-Liners)
- I dreamed that I was running around a forest cutting down trees. Does this mean that I'm a slumberjack?
|
- Lunatic (One-Liners)
- People who go nuts over lighter-than-air travel are balloonatics.
|
- Lunch (Astronomy)
- Sign on NASA scientist's door: "Out to launch."
|
- Lund (Europe: United Kingdom)
- When finished a lecture, Professor Lund says "London."
|
- Lute (Music)
- A pirate's favourite musical instrument is the loot.
|
- Lying (Animals)
- This beast cannot tell the truth because it is a lion.
|
- Win-Free (Sports)
- What do the [losing team name] and Oprah have in common? They're both win-free.
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