Pun Dictionary: A Entries

A B C (Tom Swifties)
"One can't dispute the fundamental importance of learning the alphabet," Abie ceded.
A Band On (Tom Swifties)
"I'm wearing my wedding ring," said Tom with abandon.
A Bee Hive (Book Titles)
Where Monks Get Honey: Abbey Hive
A Bee Stung (Book Titles)
Ouch!: A. B. Stung
A Berlin (Book Titles)
A Tale of German Capital: Amber Lynn Cash
A Bozo (Book Titles)
My Career As A Clown: Abe OzoJG
A Bra Ham (Book Titles)
Large Pig Brassieres: Abraham D. Cupp
A Brace [of hares] (Tom Swifties)
"I caught two hares," said Tom abrasively.
A Bridge (Dentist)
I was going to make a long-winded joke about orthodontics, but decided to abridge it.
A Bun Dance (Redefinitions)
Abundance: The Waltz of the Rolls.
A Capella (Book Titles)
Singing Without An Orchestra: A. K. PellaJG
A Cert [brand of candy] (Tom Swifties)
"It's not a candy mint, it's a breath mint," Tom asserted.
A Count (Computers)
In status, account is between a peasant and a king.
A Cue Ball (Book Titles)
Let's Play Billiards: A. Q. BallJG
A Cute (Tom Swifties)
"I like fuzzy bunnies," gurgled Tom acutely.
A Damn Ant (Tom Swifties)
"I've got another @#$%*! insect in my pants," said Tom adamantly.
A Damn Shame (Book Titles)
The Wall Failed and Caused a Flood: Adam Shame
A Delayed (Book Titles: Good)
Angry Commuters: Adelaide Train
A Den (Middle East)
Where does Geography Bear sleep? In Aden.
A Dress (Jokes)
What does a house wear? Address.
A Flat Minor (Music)
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat miner.
A Gate (Geology)
How does a geologist get into a backyard? Through agate.
A Gust of Wind (Book Titles: Good)
It Blew Off My Hat!: Augusta Wind
A Harbour (USA)
A port city will always be found where there is Ann Arbor.
A Jar (Jokes)
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
A King (One-Liners)
A person in pain is like a monarch - aching all over!
"Aye, every inch!" said Lear achingly.
A Ledge (Tom Swifties)
"I'm halfway up the mountain," Tom alleged.
A Lexus Car (Book Titles: Good)
Luxury Automobile: Alexis Carr
A Light (Jokes)
When does a bird become a light bulb? When it alights on a branch.
A Loo Fly (Tom Swifties)
"England is okay, except there seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse," said Tom aloofly.
A Lower (Two-Liners)
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have put the oven on aloha setting.
A Lumen, Um (Chemistry: Elements)
Aluminum, is a measure of, uh, light intensity.
A Man (Middle East)
Geography prof: "I need Amman and a woman to do a report on Jordan."
A Man to Be Reckoned With (Book Titles)
Dirty Harry is... : Amanda B. Reckondwithz
A Mandolin (Book Titles: Good)
Not a Guitar!: Amanda Line
A Meal Ticket (Book Titles)
Confessions Of A Gold Digger: Emile TicketJG
A Meal Ya Eat (Book Titles)
What is dinner?: Amelia Eatt
A Mere Pittance (Book Titles: Good)
Not Very Expensive: Amir PittanceJG
A Micron (Greek Letters)
Omicron is one-millionth of a metre.
A Minor (Music)
What do you call an underaged musician? A minor.
A Mousekateer (Book Titles)
My Life With Annette: Amos KateerJG
A Nap (Two-Liners)
Is your iPad preventing you from falling asleep? Don't worry, there's a nap for that.
A Net (Names)
A fisherman can catch lots of fish with Annette.
A Net Curtain (Book Titles)
Pull Yourself Together!: Annette Curtainf
A Network (Book Titles)
Masterpieces Of Fox TV: Annette WorkJG
A OK (Book Titles)
Roger Wilco: A. O. KayeJG
A Parent (Jokes)
When does a joke become a "dad" joke? When it becomes apparent.
A Patchy (Book Titles: Good)
My Frequently-Mended Garment: Apache Dress
A Pear (Physics)
The physicist's favourite Christmas carol is "The Twelve Days of Christmas" because of the partridge in ampere tree.
A Peel (One-Liners)
Do nude banana jokes lack appeal?
A Pull (Fruits)
Give a push, get apple.
A Real (Astronomy)
That road accident made Ariel mess.
Bird watching is oriole great outdoors activity. My font joke was Arial stinker.
A Roamer (One-Liners)
My traveling stinks because I am aroma.
A Scent (Animals)
How do you know when a skunk agrees with you? When it gives strong assent.
Skunks climb by making ascent.
A Serb (Tom Swifties)
"I got this ballpoint pen from a Yugoslav friend," said Tom acerbically.
A Shanty (Africa)
Ashanti is a crude shack usually found in a slum.
A Stomach (Physics)
Billy was sent home from Physics class with atomic ache.
A Sure (Two-Liners)
Making a bet on what colour something will be is risky. It's not azure thing.
A Tent (Tom Swifties)
"Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee," said Tom very attentively.
A Tire (Jokes)
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle? Attire!
A Trophy (One-Liners)
The person who wastes away the most will win atrophy.
A Verse (Tom Swifties)
"I don't want to rewrite this in prose," said Tom aversely.
A Wagon (Jokes)
When can a dog be used to move stuff around? When its tail is a-waggin'.
A Werewolf (Werewolves)
When the Big Bad Wolf became a Buddhist and started meditating, he became even scarier. He was aware wolf.
A Word (Tom Swifties)
"In the beginning voz...," averred the German preacher.
Abatoir (Music)
I tried singing an ABBA song once, but I butchered it so badly that I was called the Abbatoir.
Abba-Lone (One-Liners)
Is a single person who likes Abba an abalone?
Abbot and Costello (Two-Liners)
"I hear that Elvis Costello and Abba will be touring this year." "Abba and Costello? Who's on first?"
Able and willing (Book Titles)
I Want to Help: Abel N. Willina
Able bodied (Book Titles)
Drafted!: Abel BoddeedJG
Abnormality (Book Titles)
I'm not a Mutant: Abner MalletyJG
About (Two-Liners)
I'm finally going to sit and read that Stephen Hawking book. It's about time.
Abracadabra (Book Titles)
Say The Magic Word: Abby CadabraJG
Absent-Minded (Tom Swifties)
"The number of people not attending class today really bothers me," said the professor absent-mindedly.
Abstract [art] (Tom Swifties)
"I like modern painting," said Tom abstractly.
Abstract [steal] (Tom Swifties)
"Now THAT's worth stealing," said Tom abstractly.
Abstract [thesis] (Tom Swifties)
"This is the first step towards my thesis," said Tom abstractly.
Abu Dhabi (Asia)
In the Harry Potterverse, would a house elf from the Middle East be called Abu Dobby?
Abysmal (Physical)
To oceanographers, things are never bad, they're Abyss-mal.
Acceleration (One-Liners)
People who peddle ibuprofen and Tylenol keep moving faster because they're into ache-seleration.
Accident (Misc)
I didn't mean to break the atlas! It was an Occident!
When the ox charged and rammed the wall, it left a big Occident.
Accord (Tom Swifties)
"Let's all play an A, a C#, and an E," cried the band with one accord.
AC-DC (Book Titles)
Electrical Wiring Made Easy: A. C. DeeseyJG
Ache (Measures)
A geographer in pain is an acre.
Aching (Europe: Germany)
"Do you hurt real bad?" "Yeah, I'm Aachen all over."
Dull Pain: A. KingA
Achoo [sneeze] (Jokes)
What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.
What does a nut say when it sneezes? "Cashew!"
Acid (Tom Swifties)
"This salad dressing has too much vinegar," said Tom acidly.
Acorn (Nuts)
Is a nut that toots when you hurt an ache-horn?
Acoustics (Two-Liners)
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not, because a coo sticks.
Act Like a Nut (Expressions)
If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
Acting (Canada)
One can expect to find an active drama society in Acton.
AD Calendar (Book Titles)
In Year One: A. D. CalendarJG
Ad Lib (Africa)
Do people who can speak extemporaneously come from ad-Libya?
Ad Nauseum (Book Titles)
And so on and so forth: Ed Nauseumx
Ada Laid (Australasia)
"Where did Ada put the book?" "Adelaide the book on the table."
Adam-Ant (Tom Swifties)
"I insist on naming the first male insect," said Tom adamantly.
Add Annoyed (Anatomy)
A doctor who is irritated by addition is adenoid.
Add Them Up (Book Titles: Good)
I Love Mathematics: Adam Up
Add Thems (Mathematics)
I wonder if mathematicians belong to the Add'Ems Family?
Adder (Animals)
A snake that's good at math is an adder.
Adding (Middle East)
He's so dumb that if he tried Aden two and two together, he'd get 22.
Address (Misc)
To get into the Witness Protection Program, she got married. This way she got a new name and a dress.
Adele [singer] (Jokes)
Did you know that my computer sings? It's a Dell.
Admit (Tom Swifties)
"There's room for one more," Tom admitted.
Advance (Tom Swifties)
"Here's your allowance for the next two weeks," Tom advanced.
Adverse (Two-Liners)
Test audiences always hate advertisements with poetry. They have adverse reactions to them.
Advice (One-Liners)
Someone suggested that I put advertisements on my clamps, but I thought that was bad advice.
Ad-vice (Tom Swifties)
"Those hookers are putting notices in the personals," Tom advised.
AEIOU (Book Titles)
Vowel Promissory Notes : A. E. I. O'You
Aerial (Names)
I had a favourite antenna. I loved it so much I named it Ariel.
Affirmative (One-Liners)
Nodding your head is an example of affirmative action.
After Math (Mathematics)
Aftermath comes History, then Geography and Chemistry.
Aftermath (Mathematics)
Did the invention of calculus have an aftermath?
Agree With (Cannibals)
Cannibals don't like argumentative people. The flavour doesn't agree with them.
Agrees (Europe: Balkans)
I don't want an argument. I'll be much happier if he a-Greece with me.
Ahead (Two-Liners)
I have a deep admiration for busts. They're really ahead of their time.
AI Expert (Book Titles)
Robotics Handbook: A. I. ExpertJG
Air Inside (Book Titles: Good)
Why Tires aren't Flat: Erin Side
Airily (Tom Swifties)
"The atmosphere is primarily nitrogen and oxygen," breathed Tom airily.
Airing (Tom Swifties)
"I just hung my sheets on the clothesline," said Tom erringly.
Al Dente (Book Titles)
Cooking Spaghetti: Al Dente
What do dentists eat for supper? Pasta al dente.
Al Fell For (Vegetables)
"Were you able to trick Alf?" "Yes, alfalfa it hook, line and sinker."
Al Fresco (Book Titles)
Outdoor Activities: Alf Resco6
Al Is On (Names)
"Hey Moe! Where's Al?" "Alison the roof fixing a leak!"
Alarm (Tom Swifties)
"Fire!" yelled Tom alarmingly.
Alarm Clock (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.
Alarmist (Book Titles)
Cry Wolf: Al Armist6
Albatross (Book Titles)
Sea Birds: Al Batross6
Albequerque (Book Titles)
New Mexico Tour Book: Albie KerkyJG
Albert A (Canada)
"What should we give Albert?" "If we give Alberta pun test, he'll kill us."
Alcatraz (Animals)
What's the Prison for Deer called? Elkatraz.
Ale and Thus (Plants)
He took his first sip of ailanthus began his long slide into alcoholism.
Alert (Canada)
One must be Alert to drive a car safely at high speed.
Algebra (Mathematics)
What did the mermaid wear to math class? An algae-bra.
Algol (Computers)
A programmer's favourite star is Algol.
Algonquin (Provincial Park) (Canada)
While camping at an Ontario provincial park, we ran out of beer. I turned to my friend Quinn and said "Algonquin!"
Algorithm (One-Liners)
A Vice-President playing the bongos is mathematical because he's an Al Gore Rhythm.
Alice in Wonderland (Book Titles: Good)
Lewis Carroll: Alison WonderlandJG
Alice Springs (Australasia)
Alice may seem dormant now, but when she has a cause, Alice Springs into action.
Alimony (Book Titles)
Soak Your Ex-Husband: Ali Money6
Alkaseltzer (Book Titles)
Oh What A Relief It Is: Al KaseltzerJG
All and Sundry (Book Titles)
And the Other People: Allan Sundry
All Bite (Geology)
If we albite rocks, we'll all lose our teeth.
All For (Greek Letters)
Alpha one and one for all!
All He (Names)
Ollie ever wanted was a chance to better his life.
All In (Toronto)
Allen the Family was a TV sitcom featuring Archie Bunker.
All My Children (Canada)
The Lac St. Jean (Quebec) region's favourite soap opera is "Alma Children".
All My Heart (Book Titles: Good)
I Love You!: Alma Hart
All My Money (Book Titles)
I Wuz Robbed!: Alma MoneyJG
All Ness (Toronto)
Elliot Ness' job seemed simple. Alness had to do was put Al Capone in jail.
All Of (Fruits)
Santa's 10th reindeer was called Olive the Other Reindeer.
All of a Sudden (Book Titles: Good)
Without Warning: Oliver Sudden
All Out (Baseball)
Baseball teams should try hard to win, but they shouldn't go all out.
All Over the Web (Jokes)
Have you seen the picture of Spiderman getting blown up? It's all over the Web.
All Pine (Plants)
If a mountain slope is totally covered in pine trees, is it described as alpine?
All right (Jokes)
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.
All Sass (Europe: France)
"I cannot sass you for even one second?" "No! Alsace is forbidden!
All the Wrong Places (One-Liners)
Star Wars burlesque has me looking for love in Alderaan places.
All True (Tom Swifties)
"Everything Albert says is so obvious," said Tom altruistically.
All your Eggs in One Basket (Expressions)
"I want 2 rubber seals, 3 plastic seals and one metal seal." "Don't put all your begs in one gasket!"
Allergies (One-Liners)
Wouldn't it be better if we could ah-choose some ergies instead of allergies?
Alley (Jokes)
What kind of cats like to go bowling? Alley cats.
Alligator (Book Titles: Good)
Crocodile Dundee: Ali Gator
All-Out (Plants)
Any operation against weeds is an all-out assault.
Allowed (Jokes)
Why isn't whispering permitted in class? Because it's not aloud.
All's Well (Expressions)
The favourite Shakespeare quote in the Middle East: "Oil's well that end's well."
Alma Ate A (Asia)
"What did Alma eat?" "Alma Ata whole pizza all by herself!"
Almagest (Book Titles: Good)
Funny Astronomy Texts: Alma Jest
Alone (One-Liners)
Borrowed money is always by itself because it’s a loan.
Aloud (Tom Swifties)
"There's no need for silence," Tom allowed.
Altar (Astronomy)
Where astronomers get married: the Altair.
Am Herst (Canada)
You are himst, I Amherst.
Amalgam (Dentist)
The collection of dentist jokes was an amalgam of bad puns.
Amazing (South America)
Favourite hymn of Brazil: "Amazon Grace".
Ambassa Door (Jokes)
What's the best way to get into an embassy? Through the ambassador!
AM-FM (Book Titles)
Morning Radio: A. M. EffemJG
Amour (Asia)
The French geographer's Asian river of romance is the Amur.
Amp (Tom Swifties)
"It's a unit of electric current," said Tom amply.
Amsterdam (Europe: Netherlands)
A good city to buy gerbils, mice and guinea pigs is Hamsterdam.
An (Names)
Where to go bowling with Henry VIII: Anne Boleyn alley.
An Abortion (Book Titles)
Unwanted Babies: Anna Bortion8
An Apple Is (Canada)
"Mommy, what's an apple?" "Annapolis a large, red fruit."
An Archer (Book Titles: Good)
I Shoot Arrows: Anne Archer
An Ear (Two-Liners)
We just bought an authentic Van Gogh coffee table. We know it's authentic because there's a bit of veneer missing.
An Eater (Names)
When a woman sits down to a meal, she can be called Anita.
An Ion (Physics)
If you add electrons to a neutral atom, you'll get anion.
An M (Asia: Southeast)
When writing the alphabet, one must put Annam after the letter "l".
Anaconda (Book Titles)
Snakes of the World: Anna Conda
Analgesic (Book Titles)
Pain Relief: Ann L. Gesick6
Analog (Book Titles)
Modern Tree Watches: Anna Log
Anchor A (Asia: Turkey)
It is generally not a good idea to Ankara boat until the engine is turned off.
Anchorage (USA)
An Anchorage is a place ships can stop out in the ocean.
Anchovy (Book Titles)
I Like Fish: Ann Chovie
And Over (USA)
A task is repetitive if you have to do it over Andover.
Androgynous (Redefinitions)
Androginous: when all hard liquors look the same.
Android (Book Titles)
Robots: Anne Droid
Andy's (South America)
The classic TV show for mountaineers was Amos and Andes.
Angioplasty (Book Titles)
The Irish Heart Surgeon: Angie O'PlastyJG
Angrier (Two-Liners)
My girlfriend doesn’t like it when I mess with her red wine. So I added fruit and lemonade to it, and she's sangria than ever.
Angry (One-Liners)
The colour of rage is angreen.
Angst (Physics)
The unit of measure of anxiety is the Angst-rom.
Ann Drew (Book Titles: Good)
What Anne Did with Her Pencils: Andrew Pictures
Anna to Me (Anatomy)
"...My Anna lies over the ocean; Oh bring back my anatomy..."
Anna Told Ya (Asia: Turkey)
"What did Anna tell me?" "Anatolia to meet her at two o'clock."
Annie (Seasonings)
The next show for Little Spicerack Productions will be Little Orphan Anise.
Annoy (Asia: Southeast)
The Vietnam War used to Hanoi the Americans.
Anonymous (Book Titles)
The Unknown Rodent: A. Nonny Mouse
Anorexia (Book Titles)
Eating Disorders: Anna RexiaJG
A pullover coat will make you thinner because it gives you anorak-sia.
Ant on Knee (Names)
What do you a call a man with an ant on his knee? Antony.
Ant on My Knee (Book Titles)
Bit on the Leg: Anton Marnies
Antagonize (Book Titles)
How to Annoy: Aunt Agonize
Ante Bellum (Book Titles)
Life Before The Civil War: Aunty BellumJG
Anthem (Book Titles)
National Songs: Ann Them
Anthrax (Book Titles)
Animal Illnesses: Ann Thrax3
Antibodies (One-Liners)
Ants don't get sick because they have anty bodies.
A zombie hunter has to have a strong immune system and be full of anti-bodies.
Anticlimax (Tom Swifties)
"Orgasms are overrated," said Tom anticlimactically.
Antigravity (Book Titles: Good)
Artificial Weightlessness: Andy Gravity
Anti-Money (Chemistry: Elements)
A chemist in favour of barter is antimony.
Antique (Book Titles)
Keeping Old Furniture Looking Good: Ann Teakn
Antlers (Book Titles: Good)
Uncle Buck: Ant Lerzn
Anxiety (One-Liners)
Studying hieroglyphics is worrisome and leads to much ankhziety.
Any Longer (One-Liners)
They aren't going to make yardsticks any longer.
Any Means Necessary (Expressions)
"How should we stop the Mad Punster?" "By any means necessary!" "But any doesn't mean necessary!"
Any More (Book Titles: Good)
Is That It?: Annie MooreA
Anybody (Cannibals)
Cannibals aren't picky when it comes to getting volunteers. Any body will do.
Anybody Home (Book Titles)
Home Alone III, The Sequel: Annie BuddyhomeJG
Aphrodite (One-Liners)
If the Greek goddess of love had had big, poofy hair, would she have been called Afrodite?
Apiary (Book Titles)
Bee Stings Are in the Hand of the Bee Holder: A. P. AiryJG
Apocalypse (Two-Liners)
Hockey Night in Canada has been suspended for the pandemic. It's really the end of the world - the Apuckalypse!
Apollo (Tom Swifties)
"We had trouble with the propulsion systems for those moon flights," said the NASA engineer apologetically.
Apologize (Book Titles)
Oh, God, I'm Sorry: Apollo Jize
Appeal (Tom Swifties)
"Here's the story of the Liberty Bell," Tom told us appealingly.
Appear (Australasia)
I hate surprise Geography tests. They just Apia out of nowhere.
Appendix (Anatomy)
An item frequently found removed from a medical text is the appendix.
Appetite (1) (Geology)
The mineral Apatite is the expression of hunger.
Appetite (2) (Redefinitions)
What you call a situation when you buy an App that's a size too small for your iPhone.
Applaud (One-Liners)
When praising a computer program, I app-laud it.
Applause (One-Liners)
The Rules for Clapping are called Applaws.
Apple (Computers)
When a programmer's work begins to bear fruit, it's usually an Apple.
Apple Loose (Animals)
A bunch of apples on the floor is like a horse: Appaloosa.
Apple-Lauding (Tom Swifties)
"My compliments to the company that makes the Macintosh computer," said Tom applaudingly.
Apply (Fruits)
"Silly Billy, why did you put some fruit on your face?" "I was told to apple-eye myself!"
When I want to work hard, I hold an apple to my eye so I can apple-eye myself. I wonder if ballet dancers have to a-plié to join a company, or just audition.
Appreciate (Tom Swifties)
"I'm of greater value to you every day," said Tom appreciatively.
Appropriate (Tom Swifties)
"I'll take that," said Tom appropriately.
Apricot (Fruits)
The dried fruit thief was eventually apri-caught.
April Showers (Book Titles)
May Flowers: April Showers
Apt [abbrev for apartment] (Tom Swifties)
"2 bdrm furn w 5 appl," said Tom aptly.
Aquarius (Geology)
The people who are the best at digging rocks from the ground are born under the sign of Aquarrius.
Aqueous (Tom Swifties)
"All right -- we'll use a water solution," Tom acquiesced.
Arachnid (One-Liners)
A Baghdad spider is an Iraqnid.
Arbor Eat'em (Plants)
Carnivorous trees grow in an arboretum.
Arby Eyes (Baseball)
Mr. Arby needs his RBIs to see with.
Arch [Golden arches] (Tom Swifties)
"I always eat at McDonald's," said Tom archly.
Archipelago (Book Titles)
Where to Find Islands: Archie Pelago
Architect (One-Liners)
Noah was an engineer and an ark-itect.
People who design dog houses are barkitects.
Archives (Jokes)
Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.
Archly (Tom Swifties)
"I do not have flat feet!" said Tom archly.
Ardent (Two-Liners)
To promote Valentine's Day passion, make a letter R out of something and press it into a soft spot of your amour. It will make him/her R-dent.
Are Gone (Chemistry: Elements)
"Have the evil Chemistry Punsters left?" "Yes, they argon."
Are There Any More (Book Titles)
The Empty Cookie Jar: Arthur Anymoreu
Are, Son (Two-Liners)
"Dad, are we pyromaniacs?" "Yes, we arson."
Area 51 (Jokes)
What do aliens sing in operas? Aria 51.
Aren't (Fruits)
Orange you going to get your homework done?
Aren't Much to Look At (Expressions)
The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman. Their kids aren't much to look at, either.
Aretha Franklin (Names)
The office manager hung an illuminated Christmas wreath on the wall. I said "So, you hung up Franklin?" Puzzled response. "A-wreath-a Franklin?"
Argument [computer program] (Tom Swifties)
"It's an actual parameter, not a formal parameter," was Tom's argument.
Ark (Mathematics)
That which Noah built. Arc.
Ark Tick (Misc)
"How can you tell that this ark is a clock?" "I can hear the Arctic."
Arm and a Leg (Cannibals)
How about the cannibal who complained about the price of gas, saying it cost an arm and a leg to fill the tank?
Arm and Hammer (Book Titles: Good)
Keep it Clean!: Armand Hammer
Arm Dale (Halifax)
"Is it wise to give Dale a gun?" "If we don't Armdale, how can he fight in the war?"
Arm Is this (Undead)
When the zombie armies finish fighting and declare a cease-fire, do any of them ask "Who's armistice?"
Armies (Military)
Where does a general keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Arms (Anatomy)
"The enemy is coming! To arms! To arms!" "But I already have two arms!"
Aroma (Fruits)
When does a tomato have a smell? When it's a Roma!
Around (Jokes)
Balls have got to be one of the oldest toys. They've been around for a long time.
Arr, Matey (Cannibals)
What does a cannibal pirate say? "Arrrrmmm atey"
Arrest (Tom Swifties)
"You have the right to remain silent," said Tom arrestingly.
Arse Tornoff (Book Titles)
Nail in the Bannister: R. Stornoff
Arson (Two-Liners)
"You two are pyromaniacs, and it looks like your boy is too!" "Well, he is our son Orson."
Arson Nick (Chemistry: Elements)
Nick the chemist was also a pyromaniac. He was known in the underworld as "Arsenic".
Artful (Tom Swifties)
"I've had it up to here with Post-Modern Expressionism," said the goat artfully.
Arthritis (Book Titles)
Inflammation, Please!: Arthur ItisJG
Artichoke (Book Titles)
Vegetable Arrangements: Arty Chokep
Artificial (Book Titles)
It's a Fake!: Artie FishulC
Artistic (Book Titles)
Misunderstood: Art TisticJG
Arty Choke (Vegetables)
If artichoke, apply Heimlich maneuver.
Arugula (Two-Liners)
A posh fund-raising soirée to support orphaned kangaroos needed a logo. I suggested a leafy vegetable: A Roo Gala.
As Low (Europe: Scandinavia)
Stealing candy from a baby? I never thought he'd sink Oslo as that.
As Of (Europe: Russia)
"Because you students have been getting bad grades, Azov now you will be getting more homework!"
As One (Africa)
When the Egyptians spoke in unison, they spoke Aswan.
As We Go (USA)
We think that the best way to pay for a vacation in New York's Finger Lakes region is to pay Oswego.
Ash (Plants)
The ash tree remains after a forest fire.
Asia Minor (Book Titles: Good)
Turkish Minerals: Asa Minerl
Ask (Animals)
Ox a silly question, get a silly answer.
Ask Her (Physical)
If you esker no questions, she'll tell you no lies.
Ask It (One-Liners)
A mortician teacher might say "If you have a question, just casket!"
Ask Us (Asia)
We've studied hard for this test. If you Oxus a question, we'll get the answer right away.
Ask You (Two-Liners)
"Why is everything crooked?" "I was going to askew the same thing."
Aspect (Redefinitions)
What you get when you turn your back on a chicken.
Aspire (One-Liners)
I strive to be a church steeple because its a spire.
Ass Ass (Jokes)
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
Ass Pen (Plants)
A wooden donkey corral is made from aspen.
Ass Tear (One-Liners)
A move that causes the seat of your pants to rip as you tap-dance is called the Astaire.
Assembling Cabinet (Two-Liners)
The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.
Asshole (One-Liners)
Wishing wells are rude because they're a bunch of ask-holes.
Assist Her (Jokes)
How do you help your female sibling? A sister.
Ass-nine (Tom Swifties)
"One of the ten finalists in the 'London derriere' contest had to drop out," said Tom asininely.
Ass-Scent (Tom Swifties)
"Yes, I agree to smell like a donkey," Tom assented.
Asthma (Mathematics)
People who get wheezy and short of breath when confronted with an equation have mathsma.
At Large (Two-Liners)
A shipment of weight loss pills was stolen this morning. The suspects are still at large.Pun.me
At Last (Misc)
There you are! Atlas I have found you!
Atmosphere (One-Liners)
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but it has no atmosphere.
Atom Bomb (Book Titles)
Nuclear Explosives: Adam Baumo
Attic Coke Can (Canada)
An empty can of Coca-Cola in an attic is an Atikokan.
Attract Her (Jokes)
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Audit Tea (Redefinitions)
Oddity: What to serve to agents of the Revenue Department when they are asking difficult questions about your taxes.
August (Misc)
What type of wind can you expect in the eighth month of the year? August!
Auld Lang Syne (Christmas)
As New Year's Eve draws to a close, the follically challenged gather to sing of memories of their lost hair: Bald Lang Syne.
Aunt Eater (One-Liners)
Never give your uncle an anteater.
Aunt Elope (Animals)
Did your antelope with your uncle before they married?
Aunty Freeze (Cars)
What happens to Aunty Marge when she falls in the snow? Antifreeze.
Aussie [Australian] Food (Jokes)
What do you call Australian fish? Aussie food.
Author (1) (Names)
This dude writes books: Arthur.
Author (2) (Tom Swifties)
"I wrote the book on that subject," said Tom authoritatively.
Automatic (1) (Book Titles: Good)
The Industrial Revolution: Otto Mattick
Automatic (2) (Tom Swifties)
"Don't give me the gears!" said Tom automatically.
Available (Two-Liners)
"Ring this chime when you are ready. It's the availa-bell."
Ave Her [Have her] (Tom Swifties)
"She's mine," averred the Cockney chauvinist.
Avenue (Jokes)
When is a street like a meeting place? When it's a venue.
Aviary (Book Titles)
Bird Brains: A. V. AiryJG
"What do ants and bees use for cattle?" asked Tom avidly.
Avocado (Jokes)
What do you get when you cross a fruit with an extinct bird? An avocadodo.
Away For (Jokes)
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long.
Awful (Baked)
That's the worst pancake ever made! It's absolutely waffle!
Awk [Unix text utility] (Tom Swifties)
"{sum += $2} END {print sum}," said Tom awkwardly.
Axe 'Em (Mathematics)
What one does to trees that are in the way: Axiom
Axe Sent (Tom Swifties)
"The executioner has received the tool he needs," said Tom with a heavy accent.
Axes [plural of axis] (Mathematics)
With what do mathematicians chop wood? Axes.
Axle Grease (Book Titles)
Car Repairs: Axel GreaseJG
Customarily (Tom Swifties)
"By convention!" cussed Tom airily.
He Stir (Chemistry)
How does Fred mix the solution? Ester.

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